Not All Heroes Wear Capes
by DustyMonkey
Summary: Leading up to "Sunk Cost Fallacy", my own take on how Alex became what she is today. Alex is with Olivia, and Casey is her best friend. Everything is great in Alex's life until someone who means a lot to her disappears. It changes everything in her life - her love, her friendships, her career. As her life unravels, Alex throws herself into finding them and will stop at nothing
1. Chapter 1

**This is a story about love, friendship, tragedy and how one thing can change everything else in your life. There is not one thing in particular; it's about all those things. I usually write Alex/Casey as a couple, but in this story it's Alex/Olivia with Casey as Alex's best friend. Friendship is sometimes as important as a romantic relationship. Alex and Casey do not get together romantically in this story but their relationship is still important.**

 **Timeline is the current season, except I go against canon. Alex and Casey are still ADAs. Pre "Sunk Cost Fallacy," this leads up to it and is a different take on how Alex became how she is now.**

Two months. The wedding is in two months.

Alex had tried not to be stressed about it. She tried to enjoy the planning, picturing what it was going to be like walking down the aisle and seeing Olivia, knowing she was going to spend the rest of her life with her.

They are planning an outdoor wedding in Central Park. Every day she prays that the weather cooperates and doesn't ruin the celebration they have planned. Flowers and catering is taken care of, and everything is falling into place as it should.

Alex's life has been pretty good the past few years. Nine years ago when she returned to Manhattan everything was uncertain. She was still so traumatized, so frightened of every noise and every stranger who looked at her in a questionable manner.

Slowly she began to rebuild her life and her career. She fell back into her old prosecutor job, and she and Olivia finally decided to date. Olivia has helped her open up and overcome her past. She's given her love and understanding, something Alex never thought she'd have. They've had their ups and downs but have always been there for each other and Alex never questions her love. She can't wait to become her wife.

Her friends have helped her heal as well. At least once a week she goes out with the 'old squad' for drinks - Finn, Munch, Amanda, Dominic, Casey, and of course Olivia. They let loose and have a great time. It always helps Alex unwind after a stressful week.

Alex owes a great deal of healing to her best friend, Casey Novak. Casey always knows the right thing to say, and she's great at listening. She's funny and can always make Alex laugh, whether she means to or not. Alex spends a lot of time with her and considers her to be her 'second favorite person in the world' - right after Olivia.

Olivia and Alex have been exploring the possibility of having a family. After discussing it at length, they decided to look for a surrogate and to use Alex's egg. They searched for months, but neither were too comfortable trusting someone they didn't know to be responsible enough to carry their child. They even went through a surrogacy service and still didn't feel right about it.

Then one day Casey came to their apartment and said she needed to have a serious talk with them. A serious talk from Casey is usually not good, and Alex had been nervous. But she and Olivia had been surprised when Casey selflessly offered to be their surrogate.

For a year they tried; Olivia and Alex spending loads of money on all the procedures and tests, Casey getting painful shots that would make her sick for days afterwards. But it just didn't happen for them; it just wouldn't take. And after a year of disappointment they decided to stop.

Olivia was the most heartbroken; she had wanted a baby of her own so much for so long. It was hard for Alex to convince her it was best to stop, to not put themselves or Casey through any more. They decided to explore adoption after they were married.

Casey had been equally as upset; she felt she failed them. She never once complained about any of the procedures and was looking forward to giving her best friends the most amazing gift in the world.

Alex and Olivia never once made Casey feel like it was her fault. They were beyond grateful to her for even offering to do such an amazing thing for them.

Alex never knew true friendship until then. Sure she's had acquaintances in the past, and did consider Casey to be her best friend, but until then she never really knew what it meant. How deep it could be. Casey being so selfless and happy to help them made her realize it was possible to love another person like family. Olivia was already her family, but she had room in her heart for another.

She considered Casey her sister after that, and knew she would do anything for her.

The two women are her family, and she's beyond grateful to have them both.

It's taken years to get to this point in her life. It's taken hard work, heartbreak, becoming someone else entirely, regrets and pain. She's struggled, but yet she wouldn't change anything that's happened in her life; it's only made her who she is today.

And that person is happy and content.

Alex can't help but think about the good things in her life as she sits in her office wrapping up paperwork Friday afternoon. She doesn't have court today and tends to knock off earlier and head to the precinct to see if she can spring her fiancee early as well.

She has plans tonight to take Casey out for her birthday but she intends to see Olivia first.

Alex is looking forward to the weekend. For once Olivia doesn't have to work, and the two intend to spend the entire weekend together.

When she arrives at the precinct Olivia's office door is open. That usually means she's not working on anything super important; and even if she was, she would take time out to see Alex.

Alex gives a wave to Amanda who is seated at her desk, and then saunters right into Olivia's office.

Olivia immediately looks up from her laptop, peering at Alex over her glasses. A smile instantly forms on her lips and she stands to embrace the blonde as Alex comes around the desk to her side.

"Hey beautiful," Olivia says after greeting her with a small kiss. "What brings you here so early?"

"I wrapped up at the office and wanted to see if I could steal you away early. I still have a couple hours before Casey is coming over." She looks down at the papers on Olivia's desk. "Going to be much longer, love?"

Olivia smiles and shuts down her laptop, quickly tidying up the paperwork on her desk into manageable piles. "I can be done. Nothing that can't wait until Monday. What are you and Casey going to do?"

"She wants to go to a movie and I told her she could pick. I'm probably in for a superhero or horror movie for sure. You want to join us? You are certainly welcome to."

Olivia shakes her head. She isn't as close to Casey as Alex is, and the two often butt heads professionally. It's not that she dislikes Casey; in fact, she likes her very much and is appreciative of the fact that Casey is such a good friend to Alex. She just doesn't spend as much time with her as Alex does.

"Don't want to infringe on your 'date' with your BFF. Besides, I told Amanda I would babysit for her tonight. You guys can come by her place after the movie and see Jessie if you'd like."

Alex nods. They may do that. She goes in for another kiss as Olivia gets up from her desk.

Olivia talks to her squad and grabs her jacket. She walks hand in hand with Alex out of the building and once they've reached the parking Olivia can't help but look at Alex.

Alex is so confident and strong, and it makes Olivia's heart soar every time she looks at her.

"I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk before we head home. We haven't done that in awhile and it's such a nice day."

They start to walk, chatting away about their days. Alex tells Olivia about a tough case she's working on, and Olivia listens the way she always does and offers words of support.

And then Olivia says something that shocks Alex, something that almost makes her stop walking.

"I'd like to try again for a baby."

Alex misses a beat but manages to hide the surprise on her face as she looks at Olivia. They haven't talked about it in awhile, not since they agreed to visit the possibility of adoption when the time was right. And they had spoken of an older child that needed a home.

Olivia can see the shock written on her fiance's face. "I'm not getting any younger, Alex. Neither are you."

"Right. I just - thought we had already decided to wait until after we were married. I'm not opposed to it, Liv, you know I want a child too. We can definitely look into adopting a baby if that's what you want."

But Alex knows as soon as she says it that it's not what Olivia wants. She had said try for a baby again.

"You mean you want me to ask Casey if she wants to try again, don't you? I don't want to do that, Liv. As much as I want a child of our own, I can't go through that again. And neither can you, or Casey. We were all so upset when it didn't work. And Casey got so sick from the shots. She would do it again, no doubt, but I can't ask her Liv. I'm sorry."

Olivia smiles and stops walking, stepping in front of Alex and touching her cheek gently. "I love how you're so passionate about those you care about. And I would never dream of asking Casey. What she did and wanted to do for us was amazing. However, Amanda did mention she would be interested in helping us out. She's young, she's had a baby before. I think it would be good odds. That is, if you want."

Alex smiles. She likes the idea of a little Alex or Olivia running around. But Amanda? She considers Amanda a friend but isn't sure how much she could trust her. Casey she had no doubts at all about trusting her, but Amanda she doesn't know well enough.

Olivia can sense her hesitation. "We don't have to decide now. Let's revisit this at a later time, okay? I just wanted to put feelers out to find out how you may feel about it."

How does she feel about it? Hopeful. About everything, really. She has such a bright future with so many people she loves, and the prospect of a family of her own.

What more could she possibly want?

.2

Theres a knock on the apartment for, and Olivia answers it to reveal a smiling Casey standing in the hallway.

"Miss Benson, can Alex come out and play?" Casey asks with a grin.

Olivia holds the door open with a laugh. "Hey, Casey. Happy birthday. Good to see you."

Casey steps inside, and it's very apparent from her apparel what movie she is subjecting Alex to. She's wearing an Avengers t-shirt, and is holding another one in her hand.

"Alex, your BFF is here," Olivia calls into the bathroom. She turns her attention to Casey. "She's doing her hair. It will be five or six hours."

Casey rolls her eyes and doesn't even hesitate. She opens the bathroom door and barges right in.

Alex is holding the curling iron, and turns around and looks at Casey as she approaches her. Casey takes the curling iron away from her and puts it down on the counter.

"You're beautiful," Casey says. "No matter what you do. We're just going to the movies, you don't need to look like you're going to a photoshoot."

Alex grabs the curling iron with an amused look. "You just barge in? What if I was on the toilet?"

Casey rolls her eyes. "You kind of have to take charge when it comes to getting you away from hair products." She looks at Alex's pink silk blouse disapprovingly and tosses the T-shirt at Alex. "And you're inappropriately attired. This is better."

Alex can't help but chuckle as she accepts the ugly graphic tee from Casey.

Casey definitely amuses her. She is so completely different outside of work. No one would ever suspect that the professional well-dressed ADA Casey Novak has a closet full of Star Wars and suphero shirts.

Alex secretly likes the suphero movies that Casey drags her to. But she will never admit it.

"Come on. Let's go. I'd like to go before my next birthday please."

Alex ignores her and flicks Casey's hair. "You should do something different with your hair."

Casey stares at herself in the mirror. She's always felt her hair was boring, no matter what she did to it. "Like what?"

Alex studies her hair and picks up her hairbrush, brushing out Casey's long red hair. "You should braid it."

"I don't know how to braid." Casey bats Alex's hands away from her. "I can brush my own hair, thank you, and I'm already ready to go."

Alex stops brushing and looks at Casey in the mirror. "You don't know how to braid? Really, Casey?"

Casey nods sheepishly. "Do I get my woman card revoked?"

Alex rummages around in her drawers and puts her hand on Casey's shoulder. "Sit."

Casey groans. "Alex, no. I want to go to the movie."

"We'll go to a later show - now sit."

When Alex Cabot tells you to do something, you do it. So Casey sits.

Alex spends the next forty five minutes playing with Casey's hair like she's a human sized doll. Casey squirms and complains every time Alex pulls her hair.

"Stop fidgeting! I'll never get done. You're worse than a kid, Casey."

Casey groans again. "Are you almost done?"

"Yes. Now sit still. You'll like the finished product, I promise."

Olivia is standing in the doorway with her arms crossed, watching them in amusement. Casey looks at her with a silent plea for help, to which Olivia shakes her head.

"I'm real sorry that Alex is doing this to you, Casey." Olivia laughs. "Alex, she looks like she's twelve."

Alex frowns in concentration. "Yeah she's acting like it too." Casey fidgets and complains again. "Casey, stop!"

Casey mumbles something under her breath and Alex pulls her hair in retaliation.

Finally Alex seems to be finished, and stands back and looks at her handiwork, satisfied.

"I'm done. It looks good." She picks up a hand mirror and hands it to Casey so she can actually see.

Casey didn't think she'd like it, but she does. The tight braid will take some getting used to, but she thinks it looks good and Alex did a great job. Everything she does is always perfect.

Alex puts a few finishing touches on her own hair and as Casey exits the bathroom, Alex puts on her Avengers shirt. It's the exact same one Casey has and Alex shakes her head as she joins Casey in the hallway.

"I'm guess we're going to the new Avengers? Bet we will be the oldest people there."

Casey quickly shakes her head. "Guarantee you we won't be."

They find Olivia in the kitchen, heating some water on a burner. Alex approaches her and slides an arm around her waist, stealing a kiss.

"You sure you don't want to join us, babe?" Alex asks Olivia.

Olovia shakes her head. "You two go have fun. I promised Amanda I would babysit. You can bring me back some popcorn though."

Alex nods and kisses Olivia goodbye. Olivia straightens Alex's collar and smiles at her.

On their way out the door Alex grabs a gift bag off the table and hands it to Casey in the hallway.

Casey is like a kid when it comes to presents. She rips it open before they are even in the lobby of Alex's building. The careful wrapping that Alex did all undone within minutes.

When Casey sees what the present is, she glares at Alex. "An iPad Pro? Really, Alex? This is too much."

Alex shakes her head and smiles. "You still use that ancient laptop. It's time you stepped up. I think you'll love it."

Casey sighs. She absolutely loves it; it's something she will get a lot of use out of and something she would never buy for herself. But she wishes Alex hadn't spent so much money on her.

"I do love it, Alex, but that's a lot of money…"

Alex shakes her head. "Don't even worry about it. I wanted to get it for you. You're a really good friend, Casey. The best friend anyone could ever ask for. You deserve it."

Casey sighs again. "But Alex -"

"Can you just accept it and say thank you, please?"

Casey knows how much Alex - and Olivia , but especially Alex - care about her and appreciate her.

Casey smiles. She really is appreciative; it just makes her feel uncomfortable when people make a big deal about her and give her gifts.

She hugs Alex tightly. "Thank you. I love it."

.3

"I want popcorn. And let's not share popcorn, because you always put too much of that white cheddar flavor crap on it," Alex tells Casey while they are standing in the concessions line at the theater. She's looking at the menu on the screen above the counter. "And I'll actually do a soda today."

"Wow. That's a first. You're having a soda? I'm going to remember this day." Casey looks at the menu as well and starts to say something else, but something makes her stops dead in her tracks.

Casey's face goes pale and she grips her purse tightly. The sheer terror on her face immediately concerns Alex and she tries to follow her gaze, but sees nothing alarming.

"Casey...are you okay?"

Casey shakes her head and swallows harshly. Her hands are trembling, and it doesn't go unnoticed by the blonde.

She's never seen Casey scared before.

"What is it?" Alex asks softly, placing a hand on her shoulder when she doesn't answer. "Casey, talk to me."

Casey snaps out of her daze and meets Alex's eyes. Casey's eyes are wide in fear and shock. "Let's go to another theater - please."

"The next nearest one is twenty minutes away." Alex follows her gaze again and sees a man working behind the concessions counter staring them down. She doesn't recognize him, but the way he's looking chills her right down to the bone.

Casey shakes her head again. "I - I have to get out of here. I'm going to be sick."

Without another word she leaves the line quickly, bolting for the doors. Alex follows her, having trouble matching her stride despite being long-legged.

They just make it to the parking lot when Casey bends over and puts her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath and fight the feeling of nausea rising up in her.

Alex is very concerned now and stands beside Casey, a hand on her back. "Breathe. You're okay. Calm down and tell me what's going on."

It takes Casey a few minutes to recover. Once the wave of nausea dissipates and her heart rate returns to normal, she stands up and attempts to pull herself together.

"I'm so sorry," she says softly, embarrassed for how she behaved.

Alex smiles at her - that genuine Alex Cabot smile that many people don't get to see. She reserves it for special occasions and people she cares about. When you receive it, you know you're special to Alex.

"It's okay. Are you okay? I've never seen you look like that. I saw that guy behind the stand staring at you. Who was that?"

Casey pauses before she speaks. "Charlie. It was Charlie."

Alex feels like someone punched her in the stomach. No wonder Casey was so terrified. She can't even imagine how she must be feeling right now.

Alex knows everything that happened between Casey and Charlie, all the horrible things he did to her and how Casey had to leave him to save herself. It's been years since Casey saw him; she had no idea what had happened to him since that day she packed her car and left.

"He has a job now. Maybe he's on his meds," Alex offers up softly, not really knowing what to say to make this situation better.

"Maybe," Casey says, unconvinced. "But maybe not. And I'd rather avoid him, so let's remember not to come here anymore, okay?"

Alex follows Casey to the car and neither speak a word. Alex searches for the right words to say to make her best friend feel better, but they don't exist.

"Want to go to the other theater or do you want to do something else?" Alex asks. She wants to talk about it with Casey, but knows her well enough to know she's not going to talk about it right now.

"I really don't feel like doing anything now." Casey turns and looks at Alex, wringing her hands together. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted to take me out for my birthday. But it was just - such a shock to see him. Can you just take me home?"

Alex thinks for a moment and then starts up the car. "Okay. But I'm going to hang out there with you."

Casey doesn't feel much like company but doesn't object. She knows Alex would stay no matter what she said anyway.

They don't talk on the way back to Casey's apartment. Casey leans her head against the cold window, chewing on her bottom lip until she can taste blood in her mouth.

Seeing Charlie again after all these years has shaken her. He had met her eyes and recgoniction flashed across his face and Casey had felt chilled to the bone.

She had loved Charlie; she really did. And when you love someone you never really let them go. Despite all the times he hurt her - physically and mentally - it broke her heart to leave him. It still makes her sad inside when she thinks about it now, and actually seeing him reignited the guilt flame inside her that's been carrying around for years.

Even though she had loved him and is still wracked with guilt, Casey is terrified of him. Not much scares her. Not scary movies, not bugs or walking by herself in the city after dark, or heights or fast rides.

But Charlie? He scares her in a way she's never been scared before. Because she knows what he's capable of, knows what he's like when the switch is off. Knows how he can't help himself.

Alex could be right. He is working after all, so maybe he's being treated. Maybe he's accepted help this time.

Casey jumps when a hand touches hers, and quickly calms when she looks across the car and sees Alex smiling at her.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you." Alex nods towards Casey's apartment building, and Casey snaps out of her daze.

"I'm sorry," she mutters, opening the car door and following Alex inside.

Alex has a key to Casey's apartment so she lets them inside as Casey follows her like a programmed robot. Once inside she flops down on the couch.

Alex goes into the bedroom and calls Olivia. Casey can hear her talking softly, no doubt telling Olivia what happened and how Casey is a basket case now. Casey remains seated on the couch and Alex returns a few minutes later with a smile.

"So it looks like I'm going to cramp your style tonight and stay here."

"You don't have to," Casey argues. "I know you and Liv were looking forward to being together. Don't stay on my account; I'm fine, really."

When Alex Cabot has made up her mind, there is no changing it; no matter who you are. And Casey knows this. Truth be told she doesn't really want to be alone, but she's too proud to say that to Alex.

Alex turns on the TV and they start watching some dumb movie on Lifetime. Alex doesn't push Casey to talk. She knows she best thing to do when Casey is upset is let her be and just be there for support. When she wants to talk, she will. You can't prod her too much or she will clam up completely.

After a couple hours of near silence, Alex steals a look at Casey. She's lying on the couch with a hoodie on over her Avengers tee, hugging a decorative pillow from the couch against her. She notices Alex looking and meets her eyes.

"You have that 'i'm going to lecture you' look on your face," Casey comments.

"I'm going to say one more thing about Charlie then I am never mentioning him again." Casey sits up and nervously brushes her hair behind her ears.

"I know it shook you to see him. But he's in the past, Casey, and that's where you need to leave him. You're past that part of your life and you have people who love you and would never hurt you." She reaches out and squeezes Casey's hand. "Let Charlie go. Let any residual guilt you have go. You did what you had to do. And I'm glad you did."

Casey nods slowly. She knows this is true. Charlie is not a subject she likes to discuss. She never even seeked counseling to deal with her feelings about him. She never spoke to her family about him, or any of her friends. She preferred to keep it all inside.

Olivia and Alex are the first people she felt comfortable enough with to tell them everything that happened. Even then there were things she held back for Olivia's sake, but told Alex. She always knew she could trust her.

"I'm really fortunate to have you for a friend; thank you," Casey says with a smile. "You know, back when I was with White Collar Crimes, you were the ADA that everyone talked about. Everyone aspired to be as good as you were. I admired you then, and I still do."

Alex blushes slightly. She doesn't take compliments well. "Thank you. But you shouldn't aspire to be like anyone else; you're great the way you are. And I'm glad we're friends too."

 **The first chapter is just establishing where Alex is in her life and her relationships. Will be more in depth from here on out. I promise you a good ride! Any predictions so far?**


	2. Chapter 2

The next few days pass rather uneventfully.

Returning to work on Monday following a good relaxing weekend with her fiance was hard, but Alex throws herself into work as usual and before she knows it, it's Wednesday already.

She's about to wrap up her work for the afternoon and go grab lunch when her office phone buzzes. Slightly annoyed, she hits the speaker button and the voice of her assistant can be heard.

"Miss Cabot, District Attorney McCoy is here to see you."

Alex frowns, wondering what could possibly bring him here in the middle of the week. As far as she knows nothing is going on; the office isn't handling any huge profile cases at the moment, and she doesn't know of any of her colleagues who would be in trouble.

As an executive assistant district attorney, it's Alex's job to handle case assignments and any ethical or professional issues that may arise with the prosecutors under her. It's been awhile since she's had to take any disciplinary actions against any of her prosecutors, and even longer since she's had to take anything to McCoy.

He hadn't said anything to her on Monday when she met with him for their weekly meeting.

So what is he doing here?

Alex abandons her lunch idea and sits back down at her desk, telling her assistant to let McCoy come in.

He comes in with his usual arrogant air about him. Alex likes and respects John McCoy, but even she has to admit he carries himself with a lot of arrogance. Much like she used to do years before.

"What brings you here, John?" Alex is on a first name basis with practically everyone in the legal circuit in Manhattan.

She motions for him to take a seat in front of her desk, which he does without hesitation. They do their usual back and forth small talk before McCoy gets down to business and reveals why he's come to visit Alex.

"Alex, I've known and worked with you for many years. You're one of the best - if not the best - prosecutors that has served under me. You are certainly aware that you're next in line to be district attorney."

Does she know that? Yes. Alex has wanted that career advancement for many years. She's strived for it, put in her time as an assistant district attorney until she worked herself up to executive assistant district attorney, which is basically the right hand of the DA. It's the natural stepping stone to the top office.

Alex doesn't like to boast but she is well aware that there is no one else currently serving the office that is more qualified than her.

McCoy cuts right to the chase. "I'm resigning my position effective in thirty days, and I'm appointing you as my replacement."

Alex isn't sure she heard correctly; McCoy is resigning? When did this happen? He has never expressed any desire or need to step down.

Alex stares at him for a moment, a bewildered expression on her face. She's an expert orator and usually has no trouble stringing words together but right now she can't seem to form any coherent sentences.

"I'm not sure how to take that expression on your face, counselor. Is that a yes or a no?"

Alex snaps out of her daze. "I'm sorry, I'm just...this is definitely not what I expected to hear." She feels her heart rate increase. "Is everything all right, John? May I ask what the reason is for your resignation?"

She's asks out of courtesy; the reason doesn't matter. She knows she will take the job on the spot no matter what he tells her.

"Personal reasons. That's all I can say right now. But I'm not here to discuss me. I'm here to discuss you."

Alex feels a smile forming on her face. It's a rare occurrence that one appear at work, yet here she is, smiling like she's just won the lottery.

"I'm honored. Truly honored," she finally says, trying her hardest to sound humble. As if anyone else had a chance anyway.

"You'll take the position in thirty days," McCoy tells her. "You've already been groomed for this job but there are things you will need to be trained on and things to discuss. The transition should be easy for you."

This promotion means a bigger office, bigger paycheck, bigger responsibility, more visibility, more hours. It's going to be an adjustment to home life and something she is going to have to discuss with Olivia. But she has no doubt they can do it, and she does not hesitate to accept McCoy's offer.

They speak for awhile longer, and as McCoy gets up to leave, Alex asks, "Who will my position then go to? The executive ADA position? Do you have someone in mind or will I be in charge of deciding that?"

McCoy hesitates and then saye, "Casey Novak was my choice."

Alex is again taken aback. Casey is the last person she expected McCoy to name. Casey has butted heads with him on several occasions, and McCoy was never shy about hiding his disdain for her. Alex expected to hear the name Kim Greylek tumble from his lips, not the name of her best friend.

"Casey?"

He nods his head. "I know you two are close. Be completely honest with me, Alex, see past your friendship - can she handle it? Would she be a good second?"

Alex doesn't even hesitate. "Yes. She would be a great choice. My personal relationships have no impact on my professional ones, and I would tell you if I thought Casey couldn't do it. But I think she's a great choice."

Alex doesn't play favorites at work and isn't saying that only because Casey is her friend. She admires Casey and finds her to be one of the best prosecutors she has ever worked with. Her conviction rate rivals her own, she's tenacious and does what is necessary to get the job done. Alex couldn't think of a better person to put in that position.

McCoy stands, signaling the conversation is over for now. "We will get the wheels in motion and I will make the official announcement within the next couple of days. I assume I can trust you to keep this between us?"

Alex nods. "Have you gone to Casey yet?" He shakes his head. "Do you mind if I do?"

"If you think that's best, go ahead. Make it clear this is not to be repeated to anyone."

After McCoy leaves Alex sits back down, her mind turning over everything she's just heard. She is elated yet nervous at the same time.

This is what she's wanted for a long time but it's coming so quickly without warning. Alex is a person who always likes to plan ahead and strategize. But she also knows sometimes life throws curveballs and surprises and you just have to go with it.

She can't wait to tell Olivia. She wants to call her, but this is a conversation best saved for face to face. She figures she will go down to the precinct and surprise her for lunch and drop the news then.

But before that happens, she has somewhere she needs to be. She quickly texts Casey and asks if she's in her office. Casey answers almost immediately with a yes, and Alex tells her to stay there because she needs to talk to her.

Alex doesn't knock; she knows if Casey is truly in 'do not disturb mode' she will have the door locked. She opens it and goes in to find Casey sitting on the sofa by the window, her iPad in her hands and papers strewn out on the cushions next to her.

Casey turns her head and smiles. "Hey."

"Hi. Sorry to interrupt." Alex goes over and sits in the chair across from the sofa. She watches as Casey quickly tries to tidy up.

Casey sighs and looks up from the iPad, her green eyes meeting Alex's blue eyes. "You're not. What's up?"

"I have something to tell you. And before I do, I want to ask you not to freak out, okay?"

Casey's eyes go wide. "Conversation starters like that don't usually lead into anything good…"

Alex shakes her head. "This is good - I promise. But even so, I needed that disclaimer because there's still a possibly you may be inclined to freak out. Just slightly."

Casey furrows her brow and looks at Alex in confusion. "Okay…"

"John McCoy is resigning his position and he is appointing me to take his place."

A smile instantly forms on Casey's face and she gets up and excitedly hugs Alex. "Alex! That's great news! You'll be fantastic and it's what you've been working for!"

When they break the embrace and they sit back down, Alex finds herself smiling as well. She really is happy to have the opportunity.

"Why is he resigning?" Casey asks.

"He just said personal reasons. I didn't press it."

Casey nods, still smiling. "It's the best news I've heard in a long time. And why would I freak out over that? I'm proud of you."

Alex meets her gaze and holds it. "There's more, Casey."

Casey gets a puzzled look on her face. "What?"

Alex hesitates a moment, and then says, "And you're going to be taking my place - as executive ADA."

The look of surprise on Casey's face is almost comical. She doesn't say anything at first, but opens her mouth like she wants to.

"Excuse me, what?" she finally comes out with, and Alex repeats exactly what she just told her. Casey then shakes her head profusely. "No, Alex. No way in hell."

Alex sighs. She had expected this opposition, which is why she wanted to come to her instead of McCoy. She can talk her into taking it. She would just flat out refuse if offered by McCoy.

"You'll be great, Casey."

Casey shakes her head again and looks back down at her iPad. "I don't want the job, Alex. No. I'm sorry."

Alex doesn't give up easily. When she wants something she usually gets it. Persuading Casey to take this opportunity is no different.

"Why don't you want it?" Alex asks, a stern look on her face.

Casey sighs and meets her eyes again. "Seriously? You're asking me why? Because I'm me, Alex. People don't respect me. Our colleagues would never listen or accept me being in charge of them."

Ever since Casey came back to the DA's office five years ago following her suspension she has had a serious lack of self-confidence. Alex has watched it get better over the last few years but she's still not the confident attorney she used to be.

But Alex knows she can be again and this is just what she needs to realize that.

"You're wrong, Casey. You're the only person who still cares about your censure and suspension. Barely anyone you worked with at that time is even still here."

"You cared about it. You cared about it a lot when I first came back. You had some things to say," Casey reminds her.

Alex remembers how unfairly she treated her, how harshly she judged her until she got to know her.

"You're right; I did. And I was wrong." Alex laughs lightly. "You know I don't say those words often!"

Casey intertwines her hands nervously in her lap. "Everyone is going to say you gave it to me because I'm your best friend."

"Maybe. But it wasn't my decision; it was McCoy's. He had chosen you."

Those words cause Casey to look back at Alex in surprise. "Really?"

It's the confidence booster Casey needs, and Alex takes it and runs with it.

"Yes. I asked him if he had anyone in mind; he said you. And I agreed. Not because you're my friend - but because you deserve it. You can do it. I know you can."

Casey looks away thoughtfully, wringing her hands together again. "What about Kim Greylek?"

Kim Greylek is a McCoy favorite. An exceptional brown noser, and considers Casey to be her main rival. She tries to take Casey down at every opportunity and has tried to use her friendship with Alex to get her transferred.

"What about her?" Alex asks.

"I just can't believe that McCoy didn't pick his golden child."

Alex shrugs. "You're way more qualified. Smarter. Easier to get along with. No one likes Greylek. You're way more likeable. Everyone likes you." Alex laughs again. "Well, almost everyone…"

Casey laughs. She is finally more relaxed, and appears more receptive to the idea.

"I just don't know, Alex…"

"You don't have to answer right now." Alex leans forward and touches her knee. "Think about it. But you know I'll help you out. You'll be my right hand woman. And best of all? Greylek's boss."

Casey smiles at that. Knowing that John McCoy chose her really does boost Casey's confidence but she still doesn't want to give an answer right now.

Alex looks at her phone. "I have to be going. I'll check in with you later, ok?"

Casey nods and picks her iPad back up as Alex heads for the door. "I really am happy for you, Alex. You're amazing."

Alex smiles. "So are you."

Alex stops about halfway to the door, something across the room catching her eye.

There's a bouquet of flowers sticking out of the garbage. Alex frowns and immediately approaches the can. "Someone sent you flowers? Why did you throw them away?"

Casey looks away, as if embarrassed. "You know I hate flowers."

Alex leans down and grabs them out of the garbage. She looks at the card and immediately understands why Casey is reacting the way she is.

The flowers are from Charlie.

Alex wears a serious expression now. "Charlie? Has he been harrassing you?"

Casey shakes her head but doesn't say anything. She gets up and walks across to stand in front of Alex. As

"Tell me the truth, Casey."

Casey meets Alex's eyes again. Alex is one person that Casey can't lie to. She's tried. Alex can see right through her and knows when she's lying immediately. So there's no use in trying now.

"I haven't seen him since the theater," Casey says. "I've moved and changed my personal number since we've been together. He doesn't know where I live. But he knows I work here, and he called me here a couple of times. I didn't talk to him either time." Her eyes go to the garbage. "The flowers came today. I tossed them right out."

"Why didn't you tell me he'd been calling?" Alex asks, a hint of hurt in her voice. She and Casey have always been able to tell each other everything.

"You've been busy all week...I've been busy. I wasn't trying to hide it, really. I just never really had the opportunity to tell you."

"I'm never too busy for you; ever," Alex says. "You can talk to me anytime. I thought you knew that. I don't care what I'm working on; I have time for you. Just don't answer his calls and hopefully he will get the message. If not, I'll ask Olivia to go talk to him."

Casey nods. She can't bring herself to look at Alex - she's embarrassed. She doesn't know why; she's done nothing wrong. But somehow Alex knowing what Charlie did to her and finding the flowers the way she did makes her feel small.

"Hey," Alex says, touching Casey's shoulder and causing her to finally meet her gaze. "It's not your fault, ok? Don't let him do this to you again. You're strong. If he comes around here we will take care of it."

Casey is beyond grateful that she has at least one person who thinks she is worth something. She always doubted herself, doubted that she was good enough. On the outside she put on a good, solid facade to hide how unworthy she always felt inside. She knew deep down a lot of her self-esteem had to do with her past with Charlie.

But Alex did something to her. She made her realize she isn't that person anymore,. That she doesn't have to be ashamed of the person she was, nor afraid of the person she really is.

Alex went through so much in her life and though she needed help, she never gave up on herself. She spent hours in therapy, took medication she didn't want to take, suffered panic attacks in silence. If anyone knew what they were talking about, it was definitely Alex.

All the times they talked about Charlie - the things he did to Casey, how much she really loved him, how guilty she felt about leaving him - Casey would always come away from the conversation feeling better about herself. Alex just had this way of getting through to people who wouldn't listen to anyone else.

Alex never really had friends. She considered people either "colleagues" or "acquaintances." Olivia was the first person Alex truly considered a friend, and then it turned into more. And Casey was really the only other person that Alex cared enough about to give the title to.

Casey always felt special that Alex liked her and wanted to spend time with her. The girl everyone described as

cold and earned the nickname "Ice Queen" was really anything but when you peeled her layers away. As Casey got to know her, she realized that professional Alex and private Alex were two very, very different people and she was privileged to know and love them both.

As Casey watches Alex leave her office, she knows she is going to take the job opportunity. How can she not? Yes she's scared to death, but when you have someone who believes in you, you can do anything.

.2

When Casey gets home from work that day, she can't settle her mind. It's running at a million miles per hour and has been that way since she popped in Alex's office and told her she'd she would accept the job.

Every time Casey gets antsy like this she either goes to the batting cages or goes for a run. It helps her keep herself occupied and helps her think. Keeping active is how Casey deals with stressful situations.

She sits down on her couch and laces up her running shoes. She hasn't been running in at least a week and feels sluggish and out of shape. She needs this more ways than one.

Casey usually avoids Central Park on evening runs because of the amount of people, but tonight she feels like taking the running trail out over the water. The bench at the top has a perfect thinking spot.

It's not far from her building and she decides to walk there. The sidewalk is crowded as usual, and she's lost in thought and absorbed within herself that she doesn't notice someone walking nearly beside her until she gets to the crosswalk and has to stop.

She stands with the group of people and waits for the walk light to signal, and suddenly a voice calling her name startles her.

Casey turns towards the voice, and feels all the color drain from her face when she realizes it's Charlie standing behind her.

The walk light signals and everyone except Casey and Charlie cross the street. Casey takes a few steps backwards, slowly inching away. "C - Charlie?"

He's wearing black pants and a uniform shirt from the movie theater. He smiles at her tentatively and reaches out to touch her arm. Casey instinctively flinches away, and demands that he not touch her.

"Why are you afraid of me? I won't hurt you," he says sadly.

Casey can feel her heart rate increase and she's definitely scared, but something about being on the sidewalk with hundreds of people around makes her feel somewhat safe.

"You have hurt me, Charlie. Several times. You've hurt me badly," she tells him. "And you're not supposed to be around me. You know that."

"Every since I saw you at the theater I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't know if you were still in the city." Charlie hesitates and takes a step towards her, which causes Casey to take a step back. "Who was the blonde you were with? Your girlfriend?"

"Yes," Casey says, without hesitation. It's a blatant lie and she usually avoids lying at all costs, but she thinks if Charlie thinks she's in a relationship then maybe he will back off. "Yes, I'm with someone. I've moved on."

Something in his eyes changes when she says that. Before it was sadness, maybe even regret there. But now as she looks, she sees jealousy and anger. Familiar looks that used to terrify her and make her feel things she never wanted to feel again.

"I waited outside your building to see you and you're not even happy to see me."

Casey is filled with dread. How did Charlie find out where she lived? "You shouldn't have done that. I'm not happy to see you. How did you find out where I'm living?"

Charlie doesn't answer. He just stares at her.

Suddenly Casey has lost her motivation to run. She just wants to go back to her secure building and go to her apartment where she knows Charlie can't get to her.

She starts to walk past him, and Charlie turns around. Casey holds up her hand. "I want you to stay away from mfrom. You understand? You can't do this. The next time I see you outside my building or see you anywhere else, I'm calling the police."

She hurries back to her building and is relieved when Charlie doesn't follow.

But when she turns and looks one last time before going into the lobby, he's still cemented in place staring after her.

 **What do you think? Things are going well for Alex...not so well for Casey. Next chapter things start to change. Stay tuned, will try not to keep you waiting too long.**


	3. Chapter 3

The next day is long and stressful, and Casey can't wait to slip into a bubble bath and then go to bed early.

So when she sees a box sitting in the hallway in front of her apartment door, she's too tired to even bend over and brings it inside with her foot.

She thinks nothing of it at first; she's always ordering things from Amazon or things for her pet bunny from Chewy. And usually she can't keep track of what she has coming.

She sits on her couch trying to unwind for a half hour, flipping mindlessly through TV channels. Olivia had emailed her some last minute stuff to look at; stuff she is supposed to keep a secret from Alex.

That requires getting up and getting her iPad, which is in her bedroom. Casey groans, and as she stands up her foot hits the box.

She should see what's in it. There's no Amazon or Chewy label. Frowning, Casey rips the tape off the box.

Her blood runs cold at what she sees.

It's a framed photo of her and Charlie; the same one she used to keep in her dorm room at Harvard. With shaking hands she turns it over, and finds scribbled on the back We will be together again just as we were.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit! Casey's mind screams. She knows this bad. Her head is pounding, her heart is practically beating out of her chest.

Everything she had feared would one day happen is happening. If only she had picked a different movie theater to go to that night!

The logical part of her mind knows she should call the police. This is stalking, and Casey has a restraining order against Charlie.

But it's hard to give into logic when fear is the dominant emotion inside you.

All Casey can think about is the times she spent afraid of Charlie; walking on eggshells as not to set him off. How she became an expert with concealer thanks to Charlie's rages. How she got used to lying to doctors about how she sustained her most recent broken bone or sprain.

She lived so long shying away from any type of human affection. If someone would touch her shoulder, or god forbid try to hug her, she would stiffen and instinctively turn away.

Alex is the only close friend she has had since she was with Charlie. And even though she didn't know her when she was with him, Alex helped her move on more than she could ever tell her. Alex is the first person since that awful time in her life that Casey lets hug her.

Casey remembers the first time she tried. It was in her office, after Casey lost a big case. She had been upset and was really down on herself, questioning her abilities. She had tried hard to hold back tears but when she let them fall, Alex had reached to pull her into a hug.

Casey had reacted the way she always did; she jumped away. She was embarrassed and had expected to see hurt in Alex's blue eyes when she looked back at her. But instead, Alex had said, "I won't ever hurt you. I'm going to hug you, and you're going to let me."

Alex had understood; she knew about her past with Charlie, understood why Casey had been so scared to be touched.

Casey remembered what it had felt like; Alex's arms were stronger than she expected and when she finally relaxed, she had cried again. But this time her tears were happy tears; because it felt so good to have someone care about her.

She had finally left that all behind and learned not to live in fear. She had learned that the only way someone should touch her was with love.

She knows she has to leave Charlie in the past, and that means making sure nothing further happens.

She can't do it alone; she needs support. Support and reassurance she is doing the right thing.

She knows she has to call and ask Alex for help. She's the only person she trusts completely, and the only person who knows the extent of the things Charlie had done to her in the past.

Casey takes a few moments to calm herself before she calls Alex. She takes several deep breaths and waits until her hands stop shaking so she knows her voice will be stable. She doesn't want Alex to hear how upset she is.

Alex answers on the second ring. "Hey, Case. Miss me already?"

Normally Casey would say something sarcastic but right now she doesn't have it in her. She clears her throat and says, "Hey. Are you still at work?"

"Yeah," Alex answers. "I won't be long though."

"Can you come by after work? I really need to talk to you."

There is a pause. Then, "Of course. Is it urgent? Need me to come now?"

Casey knows she should say yes. Get this over with. Tell her to come so she can tell her what happened, show her this photo. God, Alex will be so pissed...Charlie probably won't live through the day.

She should say yes, but she doesn't. She knows Alex has a lot of work to do, and what's a couple hours?

"No; it can wait. But please, I need to talk to you tonight. Please."

There's more desperation in Casey's voice than she intends for there to be, and Alex picks up on it. "Are you okay?"

No. I'm not okay. Not even close.

Casey knows if she hangs on the phone she is going to start crying. So she very quickly says, "I'm okay, yes. I'll see you when you get here."

.2

Two hours later Alex is wrapping up her paperwork. It took longer than she thought to finish, and she sighs and picks up her phone to text Casey and tell her she's on the way.

She types the message but never gets a chance to send it. Olivia walks into her office, startling and distracting her.

"God, Liv! Don't be so stealthy. You scared the hell out of me."

Olivia grins and laughs lightly. Alex is so easy to take by surprise.

Olivia has her hands behind her back, and as Alex approaches her for a kiss, she reaches out with one hand and cups her cheek.

They kiss, and Alex reaches out and holds each side of Olivia's face as she deepens the kiss.

They break away and rest with their foreheads together. Before Alex has a chance to say anything, Olivia has presented her with a fresh bouquet of white roses, her favorite flower.

"Liv!" Alex's voice is laced with emotion. "They're so beautiful! You didn't have to!"

"I know," Olivia says with a smile as she watches Alex put them on her desk. "I wanted to. You've been working so hard this week. I thought maybe we could have a date night tonight."

"I would love that." Alex places another peck to Olivia's temple. "I just have to stop by Casey's. She said she has something urgent to talk to me about. Then I'm all yours."

Olivia takes her hand. "Can it wait? I came to pick you up."

"I promised her…"

Alex always keeps her word, and Olivia is more than aware of how loyal Alex is when she's made a promise to someone she cares about. She would never ask her to break her promise to her best friend.

But it's been so long since they've done something spontaneous. Both have been crazy busy at work, and the urge and need to be together is strong. Olivia knows she needs it just as much as Alex does.

No further words are spoken. Alex looks into Olivia's eyes, recognizing that wild desire there. She moves to lock the office door, and then takes her fiancée in her arms and pulls her down onto the sofa.

At that exact same moment, Casey paces her apartment nervously.

She had hoped this would be over by now. That she would have talked to Alex and the two of them would be talking to Olivia and the police. Alex threatening Charlie's existence.

The thought of that momentarily amuses Casey and despite the grim situation, she smiles. One of the many things she's always admired about the older woman is how protective she is of people she cares about. She would rip Charlie a new one if she could.

Casey waits another forty five minutes and finally can't take it anymore. She can't spend another minute in this apartment; afraid of every noise and paranoid.

She grabs her jacket and grabs the photo from the coffee table. It feels like fire in her hand. She can't stand mto have it around her anymore.

She gets into the elevator and rides to the lobby floor, tapping her fingers on the railing nervously. When the doors swish open she briskly walks out of the elevator, not even stopping to make small talk with her fellow tenants waiting to get on as she normally would.

It's chillier than she expected and she's glad she had the mindset to grab a jacket before she headed out. There's still some daylight left and she steals a glance all around her, making sure she's not under the watch of Charlie.

When she satisfies to herself that she's not being followed she clutches the photo in her hand and walks quickly and purposefully.

Being tall and having such long legs means Casey can walk pretty fast. People have a hard time keeping up with her strides. And when she has something on her mind - like now - she walks even faster.

She goes to her usual running spot - a small park a few blocks from Central Park. There is barely anyone here; a good place to unwind and let her mind wander.

She takes her usual trail out over the water. It overlooks the river with a small boardwalk and bench. She leans on the railing and raises the framed photo she's been clutching. Without looking at it again she tosses it over the railing and into the water.

She watches it sink, like the relationship she had with Charlie.

She stands there for several minutes until she hears the unmistakable sound of footsteps on the boardwalk approaching her.

She turns around, and her heart clutches in her chest in anger and fear when she sees who it is - Charlie.

He followed her after all. He's wearing black jeans and a navy hooded sweatshirt, his hands jammed into his pockets as she looks at Casey awkwardly.

Casey makes a move to get by him, but he's too quick. He steps in front of her, backing her against the railing until her back presses against it.

"Your blonde is cheating on you," he says softly, as if this is a casual conversation.

"Wh - what?"

"I saw your blonde kissing some brunette outside your office building. She's not good enough for you."

Casey's body is rigid and she's filled with fear. It takes her several long moments to realize what Charlie is talking about. She had told him that Alex was her girlfriend.

"Alex isn't my girlfriend; I lied to you, Charlie. She's my best friend. I just wanted you to leave me alone!"

Anger flashes on his face and he takes a step toward meanacingly.

Suddenly Casey is right back to where she was years ago; raising her arms to shield herself from him. She waits in anticipation of the blow that doesn't come.

"How dare you lie to me. You know better than that!" Charlie's voice is loud and angry.

Casey snaps back to reality and sees her opportunity to get away. In one swift motion she raises her leg and knees him in the crotch.

Just as expected he cries out and jumps away. Casey doesn't waste a second. She starts running down the boardwalk, fishing into her pockets for her phone.

But it isn't here. She left it on her coffee table at home.

Charlie recovers faster than Casey has expected, and suddenly he grabs her wildly from behind. She squirms and kicks, and even tries to bite him, but he holds her tight. The adrenaline and anger has him in its grips.

"You're going to come with me," he whispers into her ear. His breath is like acid on Casey's cheek, and she wildly thrashes around desperately.

"Like hell I am!" She stomps on his foot and opens her mouth to scream for help but closes it when she feels something metal pressed into her back.

It's a gun. All the color drains from Casey's face. How the hell did Charlie get a gun?

There is no way she is going to die her at the hands of Charlie. No way in hell. She tries to thrash away again, which causes Charlie to grow more angry and yell at her.

"You're coming with me," Charlie repeats through clenched teeth.

"No I am most certainly not!" Casey knows she is at a disadvantage but she won't go down without a fight.

"You will," Charlie says calmly. "Or I'll kill that pretty blonde and her girlfriend."

Something in Charlie's voice is sincere and causes Casey to stop struggling. She knows without a doubt he is capable of doing it, and certainly would do it. Putting herself at risk is one thing. But she's not going to let her best friend be killed, especially when she and Olivia are about to start a life together.

Charlie smiles, knowing he has the upper hand at last. He points the gun at Casey and tells her to walk down the boardwalk to the parking lot.

Casey does as he says, her eyes forward, scanning her surroundings for anything that is going to help her in the moment. Anything or anyone. Anything she can use as a weapon, anyone who may help her.

She stops at the parking lot when she sees a black van parked a few feet away. She instinctively knows that is where Charlie wants her to go, and she's not about to do it.

She turns around to face him and he motions at the van. Casey shakes her head. "No. You're crazy, Charlie. Crazy."

Casey has never used that word until now. She's never believed in it. In her mind there were always excuses and reasons why someone would behave the way they do. But seeing Charlie now - seeing his frenzied eyes and the way his trembling hands clutch the gun - she knows he is truly crazy.

"I'm not getting in that van," Casey says, her voice surprisingly calm and level. "You're going to have to shoot me if you want me in it."

Charlie's mouth twists into a sneer and he says one word - "okay," before pulling the trigger and shooting Casey.

 **Going to be a lot of regrets here...**

 **Review and let me know what you think**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's been so long since an update. I have a lot of plans for this story so please stay with me. I will update again soon.**

Getting shot hurts.

Alex once tried to describe to Casey how it felt when she was shot. She had said it was like someone had stabbed her with burning metal, and then was twisting it inside her until the burning pain spread all the way to her chest.

Casey thinks that's a pretty accurate description.

Once the initial shock of actually being shot wore off, Casey had dropped to the ground and clutched her bleeding leg, trying to stop the blood. It hurt; badly. All she could think about was that Charlie shot her - in the leg no less, so she couldn't even stand to get away or fight back.

"You - shot me," Casey says, more in surprise than anything else. She knew Charlie was obsessive and crazy. But even when she saw the gun, she hadn't expected him to do this.

"You'll live," he tells her quickly. Under the lights of the parking lot Casey can see his face, and he shows no remorse for what he's just done to the woman he supposedly used to love.

The burning has lessened a bit and is now a sharp ache, but when Casey moves her leg the burning comes roaring back. She cries out in surprise and tries in vain to climb to her feet.

Charlie walks up to her and grabs her by the arm. He roughly pulls her to her feet, and Casey's leg screams at her to the point that Casey thinks she's going to pass out from the pain.

She knows what's happening; Charlie is going to try and put her in the van. She tries to fight back as best and hard as she can, but she can feel her strength leaving her little by little. She's bleeding and exerting herself too much.

"Please, Charlie..:" she manages before she passes out, going completely limp in Charlie's grasp.

Charlie lifts her into his van carefully. He looks around to make sure they are not being watched. Then he locks the door, climbs in the driver's side, and drives away.

2.

It's just before ten AM and Alex is already getting a headache from the day. Her conference call had been a disaster, and her current case finds her up against one of her least favorite defense attorneys.

Not to mention she had to postpone dinner with Olivia tonight due to a meeting and has to find time in her day to gravel to Casey about ditching her the other night. She hasn't heard from her all weekend, and when she went to her apartment she wasn't there. A Casey Novak freeze out can last for a couple days but usually a pizza and an apology warms up the atmosphere quickly.

So when Jack McCoy pokes his head into her office, she can't hide her mild irritation at being interrupted.

McCoy, however, pays it no mind and walks right into her office. "Alex - where's Casey?"

Alex's head snaps up from her paperwork. "Probably in court? I don't know, Jack, she doesn't fill me in on every detail of her day."

"She didn't show up this morning."

That statement makes Alex freeze. She looks up at McCoy, surprise and worry etched across her face. "She didn't come into work?"

"No, Alex, she didn't, and she didn't call."

Alex's stomach does a flip flop. That's not like Casey at all and Alex instantly knows something is wrong. She hadn't been worried when she didn't see Casey all weekend, but now she definitely is.

Alex picks up her phone and texts Casey before McCoy even leaves her office. "I'll go check on her, Jack. She must be sick. I'll cover her docket today. Just leave everything on my desk."

She grabs her purse from under her desk and excuses herself, not even bothering to close her lock her office door behind her as she usually does.

She's on the phone calling Casey before the elevator doors even open to the lobby floor. It goes to voicemail after ringing, and Alex tries to keep her voice calm and steady as she leaves Casey a message basically begging her to call back.

As she stands on the curb in front of the courthouse hailing a cab, her stomach does another flip flop and she swallows. If Casey is sick, she has to be _really_ sick to not even call Jack or herself to let them know she couldn't make it in.

Anxiety is taking hold of Alex and she's barely able to tell the cab driver Casey's address. She feels the familiar constricting of her chest, something she hasn't felt in a long time.

It's been so long since an anxiety attack has taken her. It used to happen so frequently that Alex relied on medication to help control it. But her current support system - mainly Olivia and Casey - have negated the need for continued use of her anxiety meds. She's learned to cope, to rely on her lover and her best friend when she needs help. And they've always been there to help talk her through an episode.

But right now she's on her own, and knows she has to pull herself together enough to make it to Casey's apartment and make sure she is okay

 _God Alex, you are ridiculous! Casey is fine. She's just sick, and probably sleeping. Don't do this to yourself. You're going to feel so silly when you find her in bed surrounded by Kleenex, and probably get yourself sick from exposure._

When the can pulls up in front of Casey's apartment complex, Alex quickly pays the driver and hurries out of the cab. She texts Casey again, letting her know she's there and coming up.

The elevator ride is the longest elevator ride Alex has ever taken. She still feels immense pressure in her chest, but takes the moments alone in the elevator to do her breathing exercises so she doesn't look like she's just run a marathon when the elevator doors slide open.

She has a key to Casey's apartment and frantically fishes around for it in her purse as she briskly walks down the hall to Casey's apartment. She doesn't knock or buzz; she just unlocks the door and goes inside.

"Casey?" Alex calls out immediately. The apartment is dark and she feels around the wall until she finds the switch and bathes the living room in light.

There is no answer; not a sound in the apartment. But everything appears normal.

She sees the blazer that Casey had been wearing the last time Alex saw her draped over the back of the couch, her heels hasily kicked off next it. Casey can't wait to peel her lawyer clothes off after work so this is not an unusual sight.

For the blazer and shoes to still be there, however, is.

Alex immediately goes to Casey's bedroom, and finds it in the same condition as the living room. The bed is made, nothing out of place except a college hoodie laying on the floor by her walk in closet.

Her spare bedroom - which she uses as a home office - is exactly the same. The desk is messy as usual with Casey's idea of organization of paperwork. It looks like she had been working in here rather recently. Her laptop is open on the desk and her iPad sitting next to it.

Alex runs her hand through her hair, a nervous habit she started in law school that carried over to her career.

Casey isn't here. There's no sign of her. She isn't sick in bed, as Alex had expected to find her.

She wouldn't just not show up to work. Alex knows something is terribly, terribly wrong.

She sits down on the couch and with shaking hands gets her phone out and tries Casey again.

A few seconds later, she hears Casey's ringtone.

Alex jumps up off the couch, spinning around and trying to locate to the sound. It's definitely Casey's phone, and Alex keeps calling her until she goes to the kitchen and locates Casey's iPhone plugged into a charger on the counter.

Alex sighs. Wherever Casey is, she doesn't have her phone. She couldn't call or text even if she wanted to. And she can't be located by GPS.

Alex knows she shouldn't, but she tries to unlock Casey's phone to see if there's a clue as to where she may be. But unfortunately Casey has her fingerprint set as security and Alex is unable to get into her phone.

Alex swallows the lump in her throat as she returns to the couch and sits back down. This time she calls Olivia, who answers on the third ring.

"Liv," Alex says with a wavering voice, squeezing her phone so hard her hand hurts. "I'm at Casey's apartment, and I need you here immediately."

The panic in Alex's voice doesn't go unnoticed by her fiance. "What's wrong?"

Alex closes her eyes. "Just get here. I need you here now."

"I'm on my way," Olivia returns with no hesitation.

Alex nods, even though Olivia can't see her. She puts her phone on the coffee table and leans forward, trying to force all the terrible scenarios dancing through her mind away.

 **What did you think? will they find Casey?**


	5. Chapter 5

When Casey opens her eyes, the first thing she is aware of is that everything is pitch black.

She begins to panic, pulling herself into a sitting position. Why can't she see anything?

"H - hello?" she calls out, her voice raspy and low.

She sees the faint outline of light directly above her. In the shape of a rectangle, on what appears to be the ceiling.

Her mind is processing everything very slowly. The pain in her leg registers when she tries to stand, the memory of Charlie shooting her and passing out coming back to her. Slowly, she's piecing everything together.

He took her. He took her somewhere, and she has no idea where that somewhere is. Somewhere dark with what appears to be a door on the ceiling.

She feels around, trying to find anything in her surroundings. The ground is dirt or sand; she isn't sure which. She's able to hobble around, but something on her good leg suddenly pulls tight and stops her from going any further.

She reaches down and feels where the pressure is. She feels something metallic around her ankle and her heart drops when she realizes what it is; shackles.

She can't quite reach where she would be directly under the door. She grabs the chain on the shackles and pulls and pulls, but it doesn't give.

She lets out an angry cry, feeling her heart rate increase. She feels trapped, a feeling she never likes to feel.

She hugs herself to stop the trembles that have overtaken her and she gets as close to the door as she possibly can.

She clears her throat and begins yelling for help. She's aware her yelling might attract Charlie, but she's willing to risk it. She screams as loud as she can, praying that someone - anyone - hears her.

She doesn't know how long she yells, but she yells until her throat is raw and aches and she's overcome with a coughing fit.

When she sits back down she feels along the ground. Her hand hits on something and she realizes to her relief it's a bottle of water. She opens it and downs almost the entire bottle in one gulp.

She falls in and out of consciousness. How many days has it been, anyway? She's counted at least two from the light seeping through the door, but she doesn't know how long she was unconscious before then.

Her leg aches. She can't see the condition of it in the darkness of where she's being held, but she guesses it looks about as bad as it feels.

 _Alex and Olivia have to know I'm missing by now. They are looking for me; they have to be. The whole unit and the whole city will be looking for me. Charlie won't get away with this. They will find me, I know they will._

She's awakened by a very loud creak, and realizes the door is being opened. She scurries backwards until her back hits something hard.

It's nighttime; she knows that much because she sees stars in the sky around the silhouette of a person lowering a ladder through the door. She can only guess it's Charlie.

He climbs down, not bothering to remove the ladder. Casey couldn't reach it anyway.

Suddenly a light is turned on and Casey is plunged into light. She hadn't expected it, and her eyes aren't accustomed. She squints at Charlie.

He had turned on an overhead light. Casey didn't even know there was one in the room.

"Charlie, where am I? Why are you doing this to me?"

He smiles and comes and stands in front of Casey. She's sitting on the dirt ground, and he crouches down to her level. Casey is immediately uneasy and slides a few feet back, as far as the shackles will let her go.

Charlie moves forward and reaches out, tucking a strand of Casey's red hair behind her ear. She holds her breath and closes her eyes when he touches her. His touch is like an electric shock.

He leans closer to Casey, and she feels her stomach clench when she realizes he is going to kiss her. She puts her hands up to block him, and Charlie grows angry.

"Why don't you want me to touch you?!" he practically screams. "We were supposed to be together!"

"I broke up with you, Charlie, because you wouldn't get help and you hurt me. I don't belong to you. You can't keep me here; this is wrong, Charlie. I have a life."

"But you were supposed to be with me. You ruined everything. Everything!" He stands up now, his fists tightly balled up. He turns his back to Casey, and she draws her knees to her chest, frightened of what he may do to her.

All these years spent getting past what happened to her, and Casey is right back to being that young adult fresh out of law school who is terrified of her abusive boyfriend. Just like that he takes her back there.

When Charlie turns to face her, he has unshed tears in her eyes. Ten years ago Casey would have felt sorry for him. Ten years ago she would have hated herself for putting those tears there.

But she doesn't feel bad now.

As if someone had flipped a switch, Charlie completely changes. He smiles at her. "I built this place below my mom's house. She thought it was going to be a storm cellar. That's what I told her. But I really built it for you. So we could be together again."

 _He's crazy. He's completely crazy. It's so much worse than when I left him._

He's been planning this. He's actually been thinking about it, and built this place for the express purpose of holding her hostage here.

He's dangerous.

Casey's leg aches and she winces. She touches the wrapping and can see that's it's bled through. "I need medical attention for my leg, Charlie. You can't keep me down here."

Charlie crouches down again and takes a look at Casey's leg. As soon as he touches her, Casey recoils in fear. Just his touch alone brings back so many bad memories. She quickly shoves his hands away, and Charlie reacts in anger again.

"I am trying to help you!" He angrily grabs her leg and holds it roughly. Casey gasps at the pain caused by the sudden movement.

He takes the wrapping off, and Casey steals a look at the wound. It's swollen and seeping blood.

"The bullet might still be in there," Casey says softly. "You need to take me to the hospital, Charlie. It's getting infected."

Charlie appears thoughtful as he looks at the wound. He touches it gently and all Casey can focus on is his hands on her leg. His hands on her. She doesn't want them there. They _shouldn't_ be there.

Suddenly, he starts rubbing her leg. He closes his eyes, savoring the feel of her soft skin beneath his fingers. Casey feels a chill go through her and swallows the lump in her throat.

She won't let this happen. She _can't_. This man has hurt her so much already. There's no way she is going to allow him to put his hands on her.

Without warning Casey raises her good leg and kicks at Charlie. She catches him right under the chin, and he falls back in surprise.

When he pulls himself up, he has blood around his teeth. Casey smiles inwardly; probably bit his tongue when she kicked him.

"I don't want you touching me. Ever again," she hisses at him. Despite how frightened she is, she still manages to convey strength and sincerity in her words and in her eyes.

Charlie is angry again. He grabs her leg again harshly, digging his nails into the wound. Casey wants to kick him again, but the pain traveling up her leg at the moment is pretty intense and all she can focus on. She bites her lip to keep from crying out; she won't give him the satisfaction of knowing it hurts.

He kneels on her good leg, preventing her from moving it and digs into the bullet wound again. This time Casey cries out as she feels fresh blood trickling down her leg.

"Beg me to stop. I know it hurts. Beg me and I'll stop. It's me, Casey. You know how I like it."

His eyes are crazy, wild. With the passage of those words, Casey breaks down and starts to cry. Not because of the pain in her leg, but because of what the words do to her, where they bring her back to.

 _Beg me to stop. I know it hurts. Beg me to stop._

Charlie must have said those words at least a thousand times to her. She would beg him and then stand in front of the mirror crying, looking at the newest bruise and thinking of ways to hide it. She would cry in shame for what she allowed him to do again. For being so weak and not fighting back. For thinking she loved this man.

But she would not do that now. She had promised herself long ago that she would never let another person hurt her; never allow anyone to touch her unless it was on her terms. She would not let Charlie do this to her again.

So she does not beg. He digs in harder and harder, ripping the wound open more and causing more pain. He repeats the words, so angry that he's spitting when he speaks. Casey closes her eyes and shakes her head. She won't do it. Won't do it.

Finally, Charlie releases her leg and stands. It's throbbing in pain, and a dark bloody mess.

Casey doesn't look at him and but can hear him breathing hard. He's angry and trying to calm himself, just like he did that time he broke three of her ribs when she said another man looked handsome.

"You belong to me, Casey. You ran away before. You tried to leave me. But you will always belong to me. I will touch you whenever I please, and you will love me again. We will be together forever, raise a family. Do everything we should have done before."

Casey forces herself to look into his frazzled, crazy eyes. He's so delusional that Casey isn't sure anything will get through to him. But she's going to try.

"I do not want to be with you. I don't want you to touch me, I don't want to touch you, and I don't want a family with you. I want nothing from you. I do not love you, and I never will again. Listen to my words, Charlie. What you are doing is criminal. You are holding me against my will, you are hurting me. Why would I want to be with you? You're filth. And you always will be."

Wrong thing to say and Casey knows it but she can't take the words back now.

Charlie beats her. He kicks her and hits her in the face until she can taste blood in her mouth and it's trickling down her nose. He kicks her in the stomach so hard it winds her, and then he kicks her again. He keeps beating her until finally she closes her eyes and passes out.

2.

"Okay. First of all, Alex, don't overreact. I'm sure there's a logical explanation for what happened."

Alex is standing in Casey's living room, her arms crossed, staring at her fiance incredulously. She has just gotten done explaining everything that has happened. "Don't overreact? She's missing, Liv! How do you want me to react?"

Olivia holds her hand up, trying to calm Alex and be the voice of reason like she always is. "We don't know that. She could have left under her own free will."

"I went to the parking garage after I called you. Her car is there."

"That doesn't mean anything. She could have taken a cab." Olivia has her phone out and without a word dials a number. She asks for a Detective Stevens, and walks away from Alex so she can speak in private.

Alex sighs and sits back down on the couch. Her mind is going a million miles an hour. As she leans against the back of the couch, her foot hits something on the floor.

She leans down to the find the cardboard box that Charlie had sent the framed photograph in. The box is express, and curiously Alex picks up the box and puts it on her lap. The tissue paper and bubble wrap is a dead giveaway that something was in the box. She looks for an address or a postal mark, but there is none.

Olivia's voice makes her jump. "Detective Stevens will be here shortly and he will take down the information so we can file a report."

Alex frowns. "I would rather you guys handle it."

"We can't, and you know it. I personally know Detective Stevens. He has a high close rate on missing persons."

"Charlie did something to her," Alex says, biting her lip and staring a hole into the wall across the room. "She said she needed to talk to me about something Liv, and I blew her off...she sounded so upset. I know it was about Charlie. He had sent her flowers to her office. It just makes too much sense for it not to be him. He got to her somehow."

Olivia comes and sits next to Alex. She puts her arm around Alex. "Don't torture yourself like that. We don't know."

Alex is playing nervously with the box in her lap, and Olivia notices. "What is that?"

Alex shakes her head and sits the box aside. "I don't know. She must have bought something fragile. There's bubble wrap."

Alex sighs and leans forward, her elbows on her knees and her hands on her head. "This isn't good, Liv."

Olivia places her hand on Alex's knee and gives it a squeeze. She knows how close Alex is to Casey; this cannot be easy. "Don't assume the worst, hon. Maybe she just needed to get away. We don't know."

Alex meets her eyes, and the compassion and love she sees in them does make her feel better. "She wouldn't just not show up for her job. And she wouldn't go somewhere without telling me."

"You sure she tells you everything?"

Alex doesn't pause even a beat in answering. "Yes."

Olivia leans forward as well, matching Alex's posture. She gently takes Alex's hand and squeezes it. "It will be okay. We will find her."

Not long after their talk, detective Stevens arrives. He's an older man with salt and pepper hair and an air of professionalism about him. He introduces himself to Alex and wastes no time getting down to business.

He asks her the usual questions; when did she notice Casey was gone, what was she wearing last time she saw her, all the usual questions that are asked in missing person cases.

"Is she in a relationship?"

Alex quickly shakes her head.

"Are you certain? Most of the time these cases are cleared up when it's discovered the missing is actually with her significant other. Is she maybe seeing someone you don't know about?"

Alex frowns. "No. She hasn't been in a relationship since I've known her. She...isn't into that. I would know."

More questions are asked about places Casey likes to go, and Alex gives him the name of a bar she sometimes goes to and restaurants she frequents.

She tells him about Charlie; not the extent of Casey's past with him, but about how he was abusive and obsessive and trying to get back into her life. She tells him about the theater, and shout Charlie sending flowers to Casey's office.

After he's gotten all his information, detective Stevens explains the next steps to Alex, as if she doesn't already know how these cases work.

"First step is seeing if the building has working surveillance cameras and seeing if she left with anyone. We will get a trace on her credit cards and bank account."

"And Charlie?" Alex demands. "You're going to haul his ass in?"

Stevens and Olivia exchange glances. "You've given us a viable suspect, and I assure you we will speak with him and look into it."

"Speak with him," Alex scoffs.

Olivia puts her hand on Alex's arm again. "Alex. You know there's procedure to follow. Just because it's Casey doesn't mean we can bypass the law."

Alex knows her fiancee is right. But she also knows the more time that goes by, the less likely they are to find Casey.

 **Do you think they will find her?**


	6. Chapter 6

"It shows her leaving the building at nine-twenty PM on Friday. Alone." Stevens starts the surveillance footage and sure enough, Casey steps off the elevator and exits the lobby door.

She's wearing the black shorts and tank top she wears when she goes running, and Alex picks up on it right away. "She was going running. She does that when she has something on her mind. That's what she usually wears."

Stevens makes a note and turns to look at Alex. "Would she have been meeting anyone? Do you happen to know where she usually runs?"

"The only people I have known her to run with are me and Detective Amanda Rollins. And unfortunately I do not know where she usually goes. But judging by the fact that she left on foot, I'd assume somewhere close by."

Stevens gets up out of his chair. "CCTV cameras picked her up going south on Wood Street, still alone. She's not spotted again and does not return to her apartment."

Alex's heart falls. She's been missing since Friday night. When Alex was supposed to go to her apartment and talk to her.

"It's my fault," Alex says quietly, still looking at the monitor. Olivia places a hand on her shoulder. "I told her I would come over and I didn't. If I had kept my promise she never would have left. It was my fault."

Olivia now places both hands on Alex's shoulders and turns her around so she's facing her. Alex swallows harshly and forces herself to meet Olivia's warm eyes. "It's not your fault, Alex. Don't put yourself through that. You couldn't have known."

Alex looks away and shakes her head. Olivia can say whatever she wants, but it won't change the guilt inside of Alex; the knowing that if she would have been there for her best friend like she should have been instead of having sex in her office with Olivia, none of this would be happening.

Olivia moves to hug her fiancee but Alex twists out of her grasp and looks at Detective Stevens. "So are we going to talk to Charlie now?"

"I will talk to Charlie. You're not a part of this investigation so I cannot let you speak to him." He meets Olivia's eyes and adds, "You can observe. But this is hands off for you."

Alex frowns. She's been around for awhile and knows procedure; she doesn't need this detective she doesn't even know rehashing the law for her.

Stevens asks Alex a few more questions and then excuses himself, letting Olivia know she will be notified when Charlie is brought in for questioning so that she and Alex can watch.

"Come on," Olivia says, taking Alex's hand. "There's nothing more we can do right now. You need to eat something and get some rest."

Olivia is using that tone that Alex hates; the tone usually reserved for victims. It makes Alex feels vulnerable and incapable.

She doesn't need to eat, and she doesn't need to rest. She needs to find her friend.

Alex shakes her hand out of Olivia's and turns away from her. As much as she needs her right now, she just can't accept any affection; not when she feels the guilt tugging at her. When she feels guilt she can only deal with it alone.

"I'm not in mood to be touched right now, Liv. We have a job to do."

Olivia sighs. She's seen this side of the blonde one too many times, and this time it's a thousand times worse.

"We have to let Detective Stevens and his team do their job. There isn't anything you or me can do at the moment. You just have to calm down, Alex, and let other people handle this."

Alex looks away from her again.

"Sweetheart, this is not your fault," Olivia repeats.

But Alex knows it is. And no amount of words is going to change that.

2.

Charlie is brought in just a couple hours later.

Olivia and Alex stand in the hallway outside the interrogation room, watching through the glass.

Charlie doesn't appear nervous at all. Not in the least bit. He smiles and stands up up to greet Detective Stevens and a younger detective who has joined him in the interrogation.

Alex has seen innocent people act more nervous than he is at the moment.

Neither of them say anything, but Alex crosses her arms in front of her chest and glares at Charlie even though he can't see her. She hates him. This man put Casey in the hospital countless times; hurt her physically and mentally. And he's sitting at the table smiling with the detectives like he's their old friend.

When the questioning finally starts Charlie remains casual and calm. He doesn't show a hint of nervousness. He answers each question directly and to the point, making eye contact with detectives.

He admits to sending the flowers to Casey's office.

"Given your past, and the restraining order Miss Novak held against you, why would you send her flowers?" the younger detective asks.

Charlie doesn't miss a beat. "I loved Casey; with all my heart. And I know she loved me. I was in a really hard place for a long time, and didn't want to admit that I needed help. Casey tried to help me; numerous times. I - " he trails off and picks up a tissue from the box on the table. "I hurt her - the woman I loved. In many ways. And when I saw her at the movie theater where I work with her friend...all the old feelings came back. I didn't expect her to forgive me. I just wanted to apologize. I wanted to say I was sorry for what I had done to her in the past. I've gotten help. I'm different than I was back then. And the flowers...I guess was me saying sorry. It was a stupid thing to do. But I had to try to offer an olive branch somehow."

It's then that Alex finally speaks. She throws up her hands in exasperation and disbelief.

Charlie is a great actor; worthy of an academy award. The detectives are buying right into his words.

It's then that Alex realizes how crazy this man is. That he can put on this act, and have everyone belief him. That he can glaze over his past with Casey and sugar coat to make it sound like he deserves to be forgiven, and how dare Casey not give him a chance?

"This is bullshit!"

Olivia turns and looks at Alex. She's heard those words before; recognizes the tone and knows what is going through the blonde's mind right now.

She places a hand on her very tense fiancee's arm. "Alex…"

But her gesture goes unappreciated at Alex shrugs her off and goes right for the door leading to the interrogation room. Olivia immediately follows, calling her name and telling her to stop.

But no one tells Alex Cabot what to do - not even the woman she's going to marry.

She pulls the door open and goes inside, ignoring the baffled looks from the detectives at the table.

She marches right up to Charlie, her classic stern no-nonsense look plastered across her face. Charlie looks at her confused until recognition sets in and his face falls back into casual.

"Where's Casey, Charlie?" Alex asks, just a few feet away from him and looking him dead in the eyes. "What did you do to her?"

Detective Stevens is on his feet as Olivia grabs Alex by the shoulders and tries to pull her away.

Again Alex shakes her off, and her attention shifts right to detective Stevens. "If you're not going to ask the questions that need to be asked then I will."

"Alex, you know you can't be in here." Olivia's voice is forceful, and she apologizes to the detectives for her fiancee's interruption.

Alex ignores everyone else in the room besides Charlie and repeats her question. He doesn't answer, and this angers her further.

She slams her hands down on the table. "Look at me, you filth! Tell me where Casey is!"

Olivia is finally able to get a hold of Alex with an assist from the younger detective. They briskly lead her to the door, all the whole Alex fighting against them.

As soon as they reach the door, Charlie finally speaks up. "I don't know where Casey is. I know she's your friend and I'm very sorry. I would be happy to take a detector test if that would make you feel better."

Alex glares at him as the door is opened and Olivia pulls her through it.

.3

By the time Charlie is given the polygraph test, Alex has somewhat calmed down. She's sitting in the chair across from Detective Stevens desk, watching him assemble papers in a file on his desk. Casey's file.

"Where would she go, Alex? If she wanted to just disappear, just go away for awhile...where would she go?" Olivia asks gently from the chair beside Alex.

Alex turns and glares at her. "She wouldn't. She wouldn't leave without telling someone. There's no way. Charlie did something to her."

"He passed the polygraph, Miss Cabot," Detective Stevens says, turning his attention to her. "And his alibi for the night she disappeared appears to check out. He has not been completely cleared as a suspect as of yet. But we do have to start exploring other avenues."

Alex is outraged. She can't believe she's spent her career fighting alongside Olivia and detectives just like Stevens, only to have them be so easily fooled by a performance in the interrogation room.

"The fact that he passed the polygraph makes absolutely no difference at all." Alex locks eyes with Olivia. "You know that people who are unstable can fool the polygraph. He offered to take it. He knew he could pass it!"

"He also offered to let us search his apartment. Without a warrant," Stevens tells her.

Now Alex's eyes on him. "You see! He's being too cooperative. Isn't that suspicious to you?"

"Seems to me like a man who wants to clear himself." Stevens takes a document out of Casey's file and drops it on the desk in front of Alex. "In case you didn't know. She let her restraining order against Charlie lapse; she didn't file to have it renewed when it expired back in April. So technically Charlie was breaking no laws when he sent flowers to her office."

Alex can feel the hopelessness and rage building inside of her. She hadn't known that Casey didn't renew the order, but it made no difference in her mind. He was still in the wrong.

"She's busy. She probably just forgot. That doesn't mean anything." She shoves the paper across the table. "Now when are you going to go out there and find my friend? When are you going to search Charlie's apartment?"

"Alex, one thing at a time," Olivia says, always the voice of reason. She's very skilled at calming the blonde down. But right now not even her words or touch can get through to Alex. "We're going to have a press conference. Get her picture out there, see if anyone has any information or has seen her."

Alex nods. She knows that's the logical next step and the easiest way to reach the largest group of people at once.

"I'm going to offer a reward at the press conference," Alex says.

"I would have to advise against that. Rewards - especially in a high profile case - can have negative impacts."

Alex raises her eyes to Detective Stevens and minces no words. "I really don't care what you advise against. I want my friend back."

"Alex, listen to someone else for once." Olivia turns and looks at her, frustration apparent on her face and in her voice. "You offer a reward and the phone lines and email are going to be clogged with false leads. And every call that comes in and wastes manpower, that's one less person looking for Casey."

"She's my best friend, Olivia!" Alex shouts.

"I know. And if you want to find her, you will listen to us."

Alex wrings her hands together and looks down at the cold hard stone floor of the police station. It's not very often that the articulate, put together attorney has nothing to say.

Olivia knows there's nothing else they can do at the station. She puts her hand on Alex's back and thanks detective Stevens. She grabs her purse from off the desk, and picks up Alex's as well. Alex takes it from her wordlessly and follows her out into the hallway.

"I can't believe you think she took off, Liv. That you actually think it's a possibility."

Olivia sighs. "I don't know what happened to her, Alex. I think you should be open to every possibility."

Alex shakes her head as they walk towards the elevator. "I know who's responsible. And I also know it's my fault."

 **what do you think? sorry Casey wasn't in this chapter. She will be in the next one. Will Alex offer a reward? Should she?**


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter is a little emotional and a bit graphic, just a disclaimer. And remember, this story leads up to Sunk Cost Fallacy, not everything the same as the show. So maybe that will help you understand Alex's mindset a little.**

Casey slips in and out of consciousness and is unaware of how much time has passed.

She's aware that someone dressed her leg; Charlie, she thinks. She can remember him talking to her as he did it, rubbing her leg and saying words that angered her. She had been too weak to fight him off.

He had been bringing her food. A tupperware container and a plastic spoon were nearby, a small bag of chips and several bottles of water. She hadn't been strong enough to eat yet.

She rolls over onto her back, wincing at the pain in her broken ribs. She hurts everywhere, and laying on the hard ground doesn't help matters much.

She remembers Charlie's bringing her a bucket of water and soap and leaving it nearby, telling her she's allowed to wash once a week and that he will bring her clean clothes after each bath.

Her clothes are full of blood and sweat. She can't help but think that she smells horrible. Maybe that will keep Charlie away for now. She's much too weak and sore to wash right now.

He had also brought her toilet paper and told her that there's a small hole behind the pillar she is tethered to where she is to do her business. Like some kind of animal.

She's thinking about her friends and the possibility of them finding her when she falls asleep again. She hadn't even been aware that she closed her eyes until she feels someone brush the hair from her forehead.

"Hey, beautiful."

Charlie. He's sitting on the floor beside her, smiling down at her as she struggles to sit up.

"You - you hurt me again," she says softly, holding her ribs and wincing. "Why are you doing this?"

Charlie looks away from her, as if he's ashamed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

His voice is empty and without emotion and he won't look at Casey as he speaks. He's playing with the hem of his shirt nervously.

Casey decides not to say anything more about it; not now anyway. She couldn't take another beating, and she knows she has to get with it and start thinking of how to escape. Her stomach growls loudly, reminding her she hasn't had food in days. She needs to eat.

"Your blonde friend and that cop are all over the news looking for you," Charlie tells Casey, sitting cross-legged on the floor next to her. The proximity makes her shiver. "I had to go talk to the police and your blonde was quite rude to me."

 _Thank God. Thank God they are looking for me, and already talked to Charlie. They know. I don't have long and they will come rescue me. I know they will._

Casey feels hope, something she hasn't felt in days. "Her name is Alex, Charlie. And she's my best friend. She's probably worried. Why don't you let me call her? I'll tell her I'm safe and she doesn't have to look for me anymore. The police will stop bothering you."

Maybe she can convince him to do so. Casey has no idea where she is, but even if she's able to get a little information through it will help.

Charlie smiles, and Casey can't tell if it's a falling for her act smile, or one of his crazy smiles. "I don't think so, Casey. I don't think you want to be here yet and you will tell her that. I'm not stupid."

Casey has felt every emotion possible since being held captive and the one rearing its head right now is desperation. She wants out of here, wants to go home and far, far away from Charlie. She wants him in prison and not to be hurt any more. She's about to play along however she has to to make Charlie trust her.

"You will want to be here, in time." He tucks Casey's hair behind her ear and she wants to puke at the touch.

He plays with the hem of her t-shirt, chills going through Casey. He shouldn't be touching her, and she's growing angry.

He continues his exploration of her body with his hands, reaching up under her shirt. "Just as beautiful and athletic as I remember."

Casey frowns, taking Charlie's hands and pushing them away. She tugs down her shirt. "Don't touch me, Charlie. I did not give you permission to touch me, and I never will."

Just as expected, Charlie throws that switch again. He stands and paces, running his hands through his hair as if he doesn't know what to do.

"You're ruining it!!!! Ruining it!" he shouts, not even looking at her.

Casey gets as far away as she can, knowing what's going to happen when he's like this.

He walks back over to Casey and slaps her across the face as hard as he can. Her flesh stings and she's sure there's a hand mark but Casey doesn't flinch. She's had much worse.

"You're supposed to be my wife! We're supposed to have a family! I have to be able to touch you. This is not supposed to happen."

"I'm not your wife and I never will be. And we'll never have a family. Everything you have in your mind is fantasy. None of it is real. You won't have those things with me. My friends will find me, then you'll be in trouble. You'll go to prison. Do you understand?"

The look Charlie has in his eyes Casey has never seen on another human being. It's like he heard what she said, but didn't _hear_ her. Like the words went right through him.

Casey expects another fit of rage. But to her surprise, Charlie calmly stands back up. He looks at her as if nothing happened and says, "You want to hurt the man who loves you, then I'm going to hurt you too. You will be begging for me to help you and comfort you when I'm done. And once you finally realize you love me, we'll be together."

He disappears back up the ladder, pulling it up and slamming the door.

Casey is gripped with fear. She knows Charlie is suspected and her friends are looking for her, but how much can happen before they find her? Charlie is capable of anything; he's proved that much.

She pulls at the shackles around her ankle. The chain is thick; she knows she can't break it. And the cement pillar she is tethered to won't give. She shivers when she realizes he built that just to tie her to it.

For one desperate moment Casey considers breaking her own ankle to get out of the shackles. Then overpowering Charlie and using the ladder to escape. But even with a broken ankle she doesn't think they would come off, and how far would she get with a broken ankle and a bad leg?

Her stomach growls again, and she grabs the bag of chips and Tupperware container.

It's leftover spaghetti, and Casey has no idea how old. But she's so hungry she doesn't care. She grabs the plastic spoon and eats so quickly that she gets the hiccups. She also eats the bag of chips and downs a bottle of the water so quickly she starts coughing.

She's just about to look at the bullet wound on her leg when she hears the heavy door open again and the ladder is lowered down.

Charlie climbs slower than usual, and when he's at the bottom Casey realizes it's because he's carrying a small pot.

"What - are you going to do with that?" Casey asks, her voice giving way to how scared she really is.

She can see steam rising off the pan. How Charlie managed to carry it down the ladder without spilling it she doesn't know

"It's for you," Charlie says. It puts it down on the ground, just out of Casey's reach. "Or not. It's up to you."

She swallows the lump in her throat and stares at the man she once loved; the man she once shared an apartment with.

"Lay down and take off your pants and underwear," he demands, standing next to Casey.

Casey doesn't even hesitate to shake her head. "No. I'm not doing it."

Charlie looks like he expected that answer. He roughly grabs her by her injured leg and forces her on her back. Casey is screaming, fighting him as best she can. He's pressing hard on her side, irritating her broken ribs but still she doesn't stop trying to fight him off.

Charlie is trying to unzip Casey's pants and in his haste he rips the button right off her jeans. She manages to raise her leg and kick him right under the chin.

This angers Charlie and he grabs the pan of scalding water. Without hesitation he pours the entire contents all over the waist of her jeans.

The pain that hits Casey is excruciating. She's never experienced anything this bad. The scalding water burns her immediately as it spreads.

She screams uncontrollably and desperately tries to remove her jeans. They are clinging to her burning flesh, and as Casey slides them off a huge chunk of her flesh comes with it.

Because of the shackles on her ankle, it's impossible to remove the jeans completely. Casey lets them pool at her feet as she rolls onto her back, trying desperately to make the pain stop. She reaches down and all she feels is sticky, burning flesh and blood.

Charlie looks as shocked as Casey is as he listens to her pained screams. He backs up so quickly that his back hits the ladder. Tears are streaming down his face as he quickly mutters something under his breath and climbs up the ladder.

"Fuuuucccckkkk," Casey groans out, gasping for breath. She had heard that burns were painful; and she can confirm this is true.

Casey considers herself a tough person with a very high pain tolerance. But right now she's rolling around, desperately clawing her underwear off so she can see how bad the damage is.

It's bad. Her flesh is pink and oozing all around her waist. Blisters have already started to form on her stomach. And she feels raw inside, knowing the scalding water got in there too.

It's then that Casey realizes just how dangerous he is, and just how much trouble she's in.

4 Weeks Missing

Four weeks isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, but it is sure is a long time when someone you care about is missing.

Olivia and Alex's wedding is now only a month away and instead of last minute preparation, every waking hour spent not working, they have been looking for Casey.

Charlie's apartment had been searched, which Alex had been present for at her insistence. Neither Casey or any trace of her was found and after interrogating Charlie again, he was cleared as a suspect.

Alex had gone to speak to Casey's mother, who is a resident of a nearby nursing home. She has advanced dementia and stared blankly at Alex as she explained to her that her daughter was missing. Even though she showed no emotion or indication that she even heard her, Alex had taken her hand and promised she would find her daughter.

And she always keeps her promises.

Alex had set up a Facebook page to help find Casey, which she posts to with updates and monitors several times daily. There have been several tips posted to it; all have been dead leads. But Alex still holds out hope that the right person will see it.

It's Saturday, and effective Monday morning, Alex is to be the new District Attorney. A month ago she had been over the moon with excitement about this promotion. Now, it hardly seems important at all.

Alex, Olivia and Amanda Rollins spend their Saturday handing out missing person flyers of Casey at the local fair in Manhattan.

Alex had hundreds printed up. She included the address to the Facebook site she started to help find Casey, her email address, and Casey's ADA badge picture.

The three of them split up, each hitting a different section of the downtown fair. Alex chooses the carnival.

She gives a flyer to basically any adult she sees, and talks to anyone who will give her a few minutes to listen. Most people disregard the flyers, shoving them into their bags soon to be forgotten. But Alex knows anything is better than nothing, and maybe they will reach that one person who knows something.

She walks around until her feet hurt and her throat is dry from talking, and until her phone incessantly buzzes with text messages from Olivia and Amanda telling her it's time to go.

She meets them by the food trucks as planned, and is pleased to see that each has handed out their entire stack.

"Anyone have any luck? Talk to anyone who had any sightings, or knows anything?" Alex asks, getting right to the point.

The disappointed looks on Amanda and Olivia's faces give her the answer.

Amanda has to part ways, and Olivia turns to look at Alex with a smile after Amanda leaves. "Why don't we walk around for a bit? Maybe go on the ferris wheel and have some bad carnival food? We both need to get our minds off everything."

Alex is typing away at her phone and doesn't even look up as she shakes her head. "No. I have some emails here that I need to get back to. Maybe one will pan out and we'll find Casey."

Olivia sighs and tells Alex she will drive them home.

But once there, she doesn't let Alex off so easily.

Alex is still on her phone as they walk into the house. She hadn't said a word to Olivia all the way home. She starts down the hall, when Olivia's gentle hand on her arm stops her.

"I need to talk to you."

Alex immediately slips her phone into her pocket and stands by the couch in the living room. Olivia has her attention.

Alex's posture is all off. She usually stands so tall and so confident. But right now she's putting her hands into her pockets and fidgeting, as if it's awkward with Olivia.

"Alex, I miss you. You're not you anymore. What's happened to Casey has taken a toll on you. We basically have no relationship; we just exist in this apartment together. You barely talk to me, we haven't been intimate in a month, you don't come to bed until the wee hours of the morning. And I understand how much you're hurting, I really do, but you can't shut me out like this. You have to let me help you and be there for you. If you don't trust me enough to do that, how are we going to get married?"

Alex looks away from Olivia sadly, hating how much she's hurt her these past few weeks.

"I talk to you, and you're not there. You have yourself so invested in this - finding Casey - that you you're doing it at the expense of everything else in your life. Including me."

Alex sits down on the arm of the couch.

She knows Olivia is right; everything she's saying. She's let her relationship take a backseat, and she's let her career take a backseat. All because every day the guilt in the pit of her stomach grows bigger. Casey is someone that Alex cares deeply about, and the guilt she feels for her missing overrides anything else. Guilt is the strongest emotion for Alex

"I know it's only been a month. And I am hoping she is found, Alex, I really am. But you have to start opening your mind to the possibly we talked about before. That maybe she just left," Olivia says, her voice full of compassion for her fiancee.

Alex finally looks her at. They lock eyes, and Alex looks into those brown orbs she's looked into so many times before and always saw love in. And she still sees love, but this time there's something else too. Something she can't quite put her finger on.

"She didn't take off, Liv. You don't know her like I do. She wouldn't do that. I know for sure she wouldn't." Alex gets up off the arm of the couch and starts to pace the living room, a nervous habit of hers. "I wish you would listen to me."

"I am listening to you, but we've found no trace of her anywhere."

"Exactly. If she took off, don't you think they would? They've checked her credit cards, bank accounts. All activity stops that Friday she went missing. She made no large withdrawals. She left her phone at her apartment. She left her car," Alex reasons.

"Maybe she had cash stashed away. And maybe she left her phone because she didn't want to be tracked." Olivia places a hand on Alex's shoulders, causing her to stop pacing. "Alex, you just need to stop blaming yourself and live your life."

At the passage of those words, Alex grows angry.

"Live my life, and stop blaming myself? That's your advice?" Alex scoffs. "You can't possibly know how I feel right now, Liv. My best friend came to me and told me she needed to talk to me about something important and I promised I'd be there for her. But instead I had sex in my office with my fiancee, like a horny teenager. And then she disappears, on the very same night. I don't think you have any idea how it feels to be me right now."

Alex is about to do what she always does when things get too heated with Olivia - retreat. Once she feels that constriction in her chest and she knows she's about to lose her composure, she bails. She can't appear weak, not even in front of Olivia.

"Alex!" Olivia spins around and follows Alex down the hall, catching her before she goes into their bedroom. She holds tight to Alex's wrist and looks at her with sad eyes.

"Stop this. Stop doing this to yourself! Don't you see what it's doing to you? You don't sleep, you barely eat. You just took on a higher profile, higher stress job, and you're like a zombie there. Because your mind and your heart are not in it. You're too invested in doing your own investigations to find Casey, instead of letting the police do their job. You sit in front of that computer and on your phone emailing back and forth and Facebooking people who are just wasting your time. It could be dangerous for you, and I worry. I love you, Alex, and I can't stand what this has done to you."

Alex has unshed tears in her eyes but she refuses to let them fall. Olivia loves her - of this she has no doubt. But she can't know what Alex feels right now; no one can.

"The police let Charlie go. They dropped him as a suspect. How am I supposed to trust them?"

"They had no choice. They had nothing on him. He passed the polygraph, her restraining order was expired, and they searched his apartment. He cooperated. I hate him for what he did to her too, but he had nothing to do with her disappearing."

"You really believe that?" Alex demands. "You seriously believe that, Liv? That Casey just up and disappeared, leaving everything behind including her pet rabbit? That she would do that to the DA's office, or to us? And that Charlie had nothing to do with it?" Alex's voice quivers as it hits a higher pitch.

"We don't have much to go on," Olivia tells her. "So I don't know what to believe. I'm just considering every possibility."

"But you believe Charlie is innocent." It's not a question; it's a statement. Alex can read it all over Olivia's face. She already knows the answer.

Olivia hesitates before she speaks again, choosing her next words carefully. "I believe we don't have any evidence that he is guilty."

Those are the words that Alex expected to hear, but they still sting. To know that Olivia has such little faith in what Alex believes is like a kick in the stomach to Alex. Olivia's opinion matters the most to her.

"We disagree, so I think it's best not to discuss this any further," Alex says quickly, as if speaking to one of her subordinates at the office. "Thank you for handing out flyers with me today. Now please, I wish to be alone the rest of the day. I'm going to set up another press conference and this time offer a reward."

Olivia just watches Alex stalk off down the hall and go into her home office, slamming the door behind her.

2.

Alex is interrupted about an hour later by someone walking into her home office.

She's sitting at the desk in front of her laptop computer and quickly straightens her back and dabs at her eyes. She had been crying after her fight with Olivia and doesn't want anyone to know that Alex Cabot is capable of crying.

It's Amanda. Olivia must have let he Amanda closes the door to Alex's office and wordlessly comes to stand beside her chair.

Alex sighs. "I'm working on a headache. I don't have time for -"

Amanda interrupts her but sliding a piece of paper across her desk. Alex looks down at it; an address is scrawled across the front.

"I did some digging. Charlie's mom has a residence about an hour away."

Alex looks at Amanda, her eyes wide.

"What do you say we go talk to her? Check the place out?"

Olivia would never approve. Alex would not be able to tell her where they are going. She doesn't like lying to the brunette. But this isn't really lying - it's withholding the truth.

"I got a sitter for Jessie," Amanda says. "Look, Casey is my friend too. I want to find her."

Alex doesn't have to be told twice. She grabs her purse and her jacket off the back of her chair and follows Amanda out the door.

 **So what do you think? It's amazing how one event can cause a snowball effect on your life; that's what is happening to Alex here. what will happen with Olivia, her job? Do you think Alex and Amanda will find Casey?**


	8. Chapter 8

Charlie's mom lives on a farm house, seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Amanda and Alex had trouble finding it, even with GPS.

Alex feels a lump in her throat as Amanda drives her SUV down the dirt driveway and comes to stop next to a black Neon parked haphazardly in the drive. A white van is parked a bit further away; it's a cargo van, with rust around the tires and body.

"Perfect kidnapping van, don't you think?" Alex says, nodding toward the van. "I bet we'd find Casey's DNA in there."

Amanda, however, is less cynical. "Let's not jump to conclusions. Let's see if his mother is home. Her name is Linda. We can't just go poking around the property without permission; you of all people know that."

Alex glares at Amanda as she grabs the door handle and opens the door. "Now you sound like Liv."

"Yeah, well she's right most of the time," Amanda tosses back as she gets out the driver's side.

Alex is immediately at the van, looking in the window. Nothing appears abnormal about the driver area so she steps around the back to look in that window when Amanda catches her arm.

"Let's see if anyone is home before you go snooping around."

They walk slowly to the door, taking in the scene. There's a run down barn on the back of the property; the yard is kept up well. For some reason that surprises Alex.

"Don't show your badge," Alex instructs as Amanda knocks on the door. "Let's only say we are Casey's friends."

The door is opened momentarily by an older heavyset woman with graying hair. She narrows her eyes at Alex and Amanda but greets them in a friendly manner. "What can I do for you ladies?"

"Are you Linda Crawford? My name is Amanda and this is Alex. We are friends of Casey Novak's and would like to talk to you if have some time," Amanda says smoothly while Alex just stands there and stares at the woman who spawned the evil that is Charlie.

Alex is expecting Linda to turn them away. She had envisioned the woman yelling at them to leave and then slamming the door in their faces.

But instead she smiles and opens the door invitingly. "Come on in. I was getting ready to go to work, but I can chat about Casey for a bit."

She has them sit down on the couch and offers something to drink. Alex is too busy taking in the house to worry about anything to drink.

She's surprised at the normalcy of the kitchen. Of the entire house, actually. Everything is neat and tidy and has that air of "single older woman" about it.

She isn't quite sure what she expected, but this wasn't it. She didn't expect the mother of a monster to live so... normally.

"What would you like to discuss about Casey? Such a sweet girl; I really cared for her. I was sick to hear what happened to her."

Alex has to control herself, has to bite her tongue to stop the words she wants to say from tumbling out. She knows the first thing she says to Charlie's mom can't be an attack.

So instead she asks, "How well did you know her?"

"Very well," Linda answers, leaning back and crossing her legs. "I met her about a month after Charlie and Casey had been dating. He couldn't stop talking about her. I thought she was a doll right away. And so, so smart. I knew she would go places."

Alex smiles slightly. She thinks about law school Casey, well before she knew her, meeting her boyfriend's family. She guesses she was probably nervous, which Casey tends to be when she's around people she doesn't know. It's always amused Alex how Casey could stand up in court and shoot her mouth off without a care, yet be so shy in small groups of people she didn't know.

Without warning, Linda gets up and leaves the room. Amanda and Alex exchange glances and Alex is suddenly struck with a bad feeling. She starts to stand up when Linda returns with a smile and a leather bound photo album.

"I have photos of the two of them. They were so happy."

She comes and sits between Amanda and Alex so they can both look at the photos. It's a family photo album, but includes many pictures of Casey and Charlie.

Alex feels sick to her stomach when she looks at the pictures. Casey looks so young and happy; her smile is genuine in every photo.

She recognizes one picture; it's the one that Casey kept in the drawer of her office. Alex had seen it many times. But the rest she had never seen before.

They have their arms slung around each other in one picture, Casey's hair much longer and curly.

Linda points to it. "The day they got engaged."

She prattles on about the pictures and Alex has to finally look away. It hurts her to see the pictures, to know that Casey really was happy and that the person who made her so happy also hurt her so badly.

"They really were in love," Amanda muses, sneaking a glance at Alex.

Alex doesn't respond or look at her.

"Charlie loved her. Always bought her flowers and teddy bears. Would have done anything for her. Worshipped the ground the girl walked on "

Linda starts talking again when Alex interrupts. She finally can't hold back anymore. She looks Linda dead in the eyes and says, "Charlie was abusive," Her tone reaches an angry pitch and stays there. "He hurt her on several occasions. I don't know how you can sit there and look at these pictures and pretend they had a normal relationship."

Amanda shoots Alex a look, but Alex doesn't relent.

Linda smiles somberly at Alex. "Do you have children?"

Alex shakes her head and sits back against the backrest of the couch crossing her arms in front of her chest. "No. I don't."

"Then you can't possibly understand. Charlie is my son. He was in a bad place, for a long time. He did things that no human being should do. But he's better now. He's made a life for himself."

"That doesn't change the fact that he used to beat Casey. All the time. He took everything out on her. Your little photo album doesn't show that."

"Alex," Amanda says with a sharp tongue. "Please."

Linda waves her off. "No - it's okay. I understand." She looks at Alex. "You two were close?"

Alex picks up on how she said were close instead of are close. And she doesn't like it. "Yes. She's my best friend. Like my sister really. She told me everything that happened between them. Everything."

Linda sighs and traces Charlie's face in the photo she's looking at. "Casey came to me, after the abuse started. I was appalled. She loved Charlie and wanted to help him get better, and knew I loved him too. I held her and we cried together when she showed me her bruises." Linda's voice breaks and Amanda hands her a tissue from the coffee table.

This isn't an act. Alex has seen too many people lie and pretend to be what they aren't. And Linda Crawford is not lying.

Alex has to look away. She can feel herself becoming emotional, and when she's emotional she becomes vulnerable. She can't allow it, not when she controls a situation.

"You have to understand," Linda says, taking both Alex and Amanda's hands. "Charlie was different when they met. He didn't always abuse her. They were in love, and it was real. And somehow, along the way, Charlie got sick. It was little behavior changes at first. He would be short with us. Then he started to get paranoid and accused Casey of cheating on him. It just...got worse from there. We all tried to help him. Me and Casey took him to therapy but he refused to cooperate. He wouldn't take the medicine prescribed to him. He was diagnosed at first bipolar, then with schizophrenia."

Alex can't stop thinking of how hard that must have been. She knows how compassionate Casey is and how she always tries to help others. She has a new admiration for how strong Casey is.

"I knew how bad things were getting and I'm ashamed to say I did not encourage Casey to go to the police. She should have; I know that. But it was my son." She squeezes their hands and looks at Alex, tears shining in her eyes. "He's my son. And I love him."

Alex nods and looks away, a lump forming in her throat and her own tears threatening to fall.

She had expected to hate Linda, to rip her apart verbally. But instead, she feels empathy towards her. That's the humanity that is very prominent inside of Alex.

Linda lets go of their hands and dabs her eyes with another tissue. "I'm sorry, ladies. I didn't mean to make an already terrible situation worse. I just wanted you to realize that even though there were a lot of bad times, there were good ones too." she clears her throat. "Can I ask why you wanted to come and chat about Casey?"

Amanda speaks, keeping her eyes on Alex as she does so. "As you know, Casey is missing. And we thought if you knew her, you may have some information that could help us."

"Charlie was contacting Casey again," Alex says. "Were you aware of that? He sent her flowers to her office."

Linda looks shocked. "I'm afraid I didn't know. He knew better than to do that. He had recently started talking about her again and how he wanted to make amends. He's a church goer now and has been apologizing to people he hurt. I'm sure that's why he was trying to talk to her."

"He is doing better?" Amanda asks.

"He has a job and does work on the side. His own apartment. He's on his medication, in therapy and a support group. He's doing great. I understand he was questioned by the police and cleared as a suspect. Under the circumstances I can understand why he was questioned. But I can assure you that he has nothing to do with Casey's disappearance."

Alex is quiet for a moment. Then she asks, "Can I ask what the white van is for in your driveway?"

"It's Charlie's," Linda answers quickly. "He does home improvement work and lawn care. He takes care of my place here, whatever I need. He uses the van to haul his supplies."

Amanda seems to accept that, but Alex doesn't. "Can we take a look inside?"

Linda frowns and looks at her watch. "I'm sorry, I don't have a key. And I really must be going to work." She stands up, and Amanda and Alex copy her actions. "It was a pleasure talking to you ladies, and I pray everyday that Casey is found safe. But I do have one thing to ask."

"What's that?" Alex asks.

"Please don't make Charlie's life a living hell. He is innocent, and having his life disrupted is the last thing he needs."

Shortly after, Amanda and Alex leave the house. Alex shoves her hands into her jeans pockets, her mind spinning and trying to process what had just happened.

"Do you feel any differently now?" Amanda asks, leaning on the side of her car and looking at Alex. "After talking to her, do you still feel like Charlie did something to Casey"

Alex glares at Amanda, suddenly realizing what this entire trip was about. "That's why you brought me here, isn't it? To dissuade me and try to get my focus off Charlie? Did Olivia put you up to it?"

Amanda shakes her head. "Olivia has no idea we came here, unless you told her. And I brought you here because I thought maybe it would help get you closure. I want to know what happened to her too. But we never will if you don't accept the possibility that -"

Alex holds her hand up and angrily turns away from Amanda. "Don't even finish that sentence. If you do, I can't ride home with you."

Amanda sighs. Alex is the most stubborn person she knows and she should have figured how this would go.

Alex says nothing to avoid saying something she will regret. Without a word she walks right up to the van and tries the back door.

It's not locked and swings right open.

There's a lawn mower inside, several leaf bags, a tool box and various other items. But yet there's still room in the back.

Despite Amanda's protests, Alex climbs right into the van.

And she immediately sees it - the drops of blood on the floor panels.

She gets up so quickly that she almost wacks her head on the door in her haste to get out. "There's blood in the van. I knew it. Call Detective Stevens; now."

The events that follow unfold almost like a movie. Linda comes out of the house to leave for work, unaware that Alex had gotten into the van. Alex demands to know where the blood came from. Linda is visibly shaken and denies any knowledge, and Alex basically falls apart while they wait for the police.

Alex doesn't even let Stevens get out of his car before she's making demands. "There's blood in the van. I want it tested. Bring Charlie in, and I want to see what's in that barn."

Detective Stevens remains completely calm while his partner goes over to speak to Linda, who is watching Alex and talking to Amanda.

"That's a lot of demands from someone who isn't working this case, Miss Cabot," he tells her. "I've been doing my job for several years. I think I know how this goes."

Alex follows him to the van and he looks at her. "You went into the van without permission?"

"What does that matter?" She looks around. "Why don't you have a crime scene unit out here?"

"Because we have not determined that there is a crime scene." His voice is short and laced with authority. "Just because you think there is doesn't make it so."

"What would explain the blood?" Alex demands. She's getting worked up and can feel her hands starting to shake.

Suddenly, Amanda is beside Alex. She can tell that Alex is on the verge of a breakdown. She puts her arm around her and starts to walk her away from the van.

At first Alex resists, but allows Amanda to lead her away as Stevens pulls out his phone and makes a call while examining the van.

They're standing by Amanda's car when Charlie shows up.

He looks caught off guard but keeps his composure as Detective Stevens approaches him and they talk, standing far enough away that Alex can't hear them.

Alex has never wished harm on another person, but right now she wishes that Detective Stevens would take his gun out and shoot him.

After several minutes, both Charlie and Stevens approach Amanda and Alex. Alex wants to rip Charlie's head off, hurt him as badly as he's hurt Casey in the past. But she manages to remain relatively calm.

Charlie holds up a bandaged hand. "I'm sure the blood alarmed you. I was installing a window and cut myself pretty good. Twenty five stitches. I'd be happy to show you my emergency room papers and give you the number of the person who hired me so you can confirm."

Alex glares at him. She hates how smug he is, how he always has an answer for everything.

"Bullshit." Alex looks at Stevens. "Test the blood."

"We won't be doing that, Miss Cabot. Now I'm going to have to ask you to calm down and please leave the property. Mr Crawford does not wish to press any charges for you entering his van. Go home. Leave the detective work to us."

Alex feels defeated; completely and utterly useless. All her strength has left her, and she doesn't know what to call upon to continue.

Somehow, she finds something. "I want to see what's in the barn."

Detective Stevens says something but Charlie interrupts. "No - it's fine. I'll show all of you. There's nothing to see, but if it puts your mind at ease I'll show you."

And this is where the great Alexandra Cabot fell further from grace.

She had stood stoic as Charlie walked them through the barn where there was - just as he'd said - nothing to see. Bags of snow salt, bags of sod, landscaping tools.

But no Casey.

Alex didn't even remember walking back to Amanda's car. But the next thing she knows she's sitting in the passenger seat with the door open. Someone had called Olivia, and Alex couldn't even make eye contact when she saw her get out of her car. She sat there numbly and watched Olivia talk with Detective Stevens and Amanda, glancing occasionally in her direction.

After several minutes, Olivia walks toward Alex. She comes to a stop right beside her and says, "Get in the car. We're going home."

There's no sympathy in Olivia's voice. She's trying extremely hard to hold herself together but Alex can feel her tension and anger as she walks with her back to her car.

Olivia usually opens the door for Alex, but this time she just gets in the driver's side and sits and waits for Alex to get in the car.

"Olivia, I can explain - "

"I'd rather you not," Olivia says sharply, her eyes on the road as she quickly pulls out of the driveway.

Neither of them talk the entire drive home.

.2

The next time Casey hears the steel ladder being lowered down, she closes her eyes and rolls onto her side so she doesn't have to look at Charlie.

It's been days since he has tried to talk to her. After she was burned with the scalding water, Charlie only came a handful of times. He brought gauze and burn creme, and candy bars and cans of soda. He would leave them next to Casey and not say a word or try to touch her.

The ugly burns on her abdomen are red and angry, but Casey had managed to bandage herself up enough that she could stand to put her pants back on.

The burns inside of her are a different story. The pain is at least manageable now, but every time she sits up it's like the burns open back up. Puss seeps out daily and Casey is afraid that without an antibiotic she may become septic.

Charlie is standing next to her now. She can't see him but she can hear him breathing and sense his presence.

She's scared. She doesn't let on, but she's trembling in fear. Charlie is the only thing on Earth that makes her terrified.

"Have you washed yet?"

Casey rolls onto her back so she's staring straight up at Charlie. He avoids eye contact with her.

"Yes. I had to clean the wounds. I need more clothes. And I need to go to a doctor and go home."

"You'll get more clothes next week. And no doctors. You'll be fine.'

He crouches down, and instinctively Casey sits up and pulls herself into a tight ball. It makes her burns scream but it's the only way she can keep herself from panicking.

Charlie strokes her hair, and Casey chokes back a sob.

She is so utterly ashamed of herself for allowing Charlie to do this to her. It's just been weeks and already he is breaking her down, just as he did before. She's lost her combative attitude and is becoming frightened and desperate.

"I want to show you something."

Charlie's words send shivers through Casey's body. She knows now he is capable of anything, and raises her head slowy so she can watch what he is doing.

To her surprise, he comes towards her with his cell phone. He turns it landscape and holds it just out of Casey's reach.

"Thought you might want to see this."

It's a video, and Casey knows what it is right away. It's a press conference, on the steps of the courthouse.

Casey's eyes well up with tears as she watches the video on Charlie's phone. Alex, Olivia, Amanda, Finn, Carisi...everyone is at the press conference. Her entire family.

"It gets better," Charlie says, using his finger to fast forward to the desired spot in the video. "Watch this."

Casey takes her eyes off the screen long enough to get a look a Charlie. He's smiling, but it isn't the same smile he used to wear when they'd go on walks or to dinner. It's a maniacal, crazy smile. He is enjoying doing this to Casey; getting a kick out of her reaction.

Casey wonders how it could be that she didn't see just how sick Charlie was before. Was he always this sick and she was just blinded and didn't see it? Or did his obsession for her boil over and make him the man that's standing before her today?

Casey watches the screen again. Alex steps up to the podium to talk and Charlie lets the video play.

"In closing, I would like to offer a reward for information leading to Casey being found. You can call the police, you can call the DA's office, you can call 911 or visit the Facebook site I've started to help find Casey. You can leave me a message there. I'll personally get back to you."

Alex pauses long enough for the camera to pan to Olivia, and the expression she is wearing on her face is not a happy or hopeful one. It looks like she is about to stop Alex, but Alex goes on. "The reward amount will be discussed between me and the person who helps bring Casey home. I want to find my friend. Thank you "

Charlie stops the video after that, and Casey's mouth drops open in shock. She has no words as she listens to Charlie laugh crazily.

"A reward? Rich bitch must really want you back! You sure you guys didn't have a thing?"

"They're my family," Casey says softly. "Everyone there was my family. And they're looking for me."

Charlie snorts. "And too bad they won't find you."

"Charlie," Casey says, closing her eyes when she feels tears stinging her eyes. She doesn't want him to see her cry. "Please. Let me go home to my family. Please. If you let me go, I'll make sure Alex gives you that money and lets you get away. I promise you. You can live comfortably. Keeping me down here is not worth it! You could live a good life!"

Charlie doesn't even appear to be listening to her. Instead of answering her holds his phone up again, just out of reach like before. It's on a Facebook page but Casey can't see what it is at first.

"This is so sweet. Your friend made a Facebook to help find you. Very pretty picture of you."

Casey is looking at the picture from her ADA badge and her stomach drops. They are trying so hard to find her…

"You should hear this," Charlie adjusts his position so he's sitting cross-legged in front of Casey. His eyes are still on the screen. "Listen to what she says about you."

Casey closes her eyes. "I don't want to hear it…"

He grins and looks up at her, his crazy eyes flashing. "Awww. She calls you her sister! How cute. The bitch actually has a heart after all."

Casey finally snaps. She goes for the phone, knocking Charlie out of his position and onto the sandy floor.

"I want my family you peice of shit!"

Charlie dropped the phone, and it slid just far enough for Casey to grab it. Her heart is pounding in her chest and her hands are shaking as she dials 9 and then 1.

Before she can finish her call, Charlie rips the phone out of her hand. A look of pure panic is on his face, and he throws the phone so hard that it smashes against the cement pillar.

Casey knows she's made a mistake. A dreadful, dreadful mistake.

She expects him to fly off the handle, the way he usually does. But she can never predict his behavior, and this time he calmly collects the pieces of the broken phone and chuckles.

"You are definitely a fighter. I always loved that about you."

Casey scowls. "I had to be when I was with you."

"And your 'family'? You'll never see them again. Some of them were here - the cop and the blonde, and some other blonde chick. Came to talk to my mom."

Casey's eyes go wide and that sense of hope she hasn't felt in weeks creeps back inside of her. "They - were here? Why didn't they find me?"

"Your pretty blonde friend put on quite a show. Broke into my van and found your blood. Almost ruined everything. Luckily, I'm a charmer and she's starting to lose it. It wasn't hard to give them a story that they believed. And then I cleaned the van so it won't happen again. Just think - there were two cops besides your cop friend, the bitch blonde and the other chick, right above our heads - yet you are still here. They didn't find you."

Casey's heart is pounding and she manages to smile. "If she found my blood, she won't give up. I guarantee you that. You're going to lose. Alex is the smartest person I know. She's going to figure out what is going on."

Charlie sits back down, folding his legs Indian style and brushing off his brown pants. "I have to say I'm impressed. Usually pretty equals stupid, but that one is clever. But my advantage? She's breaking harder than the others. And I'm enjoying sitting back and watching it from afar."

Casey looks at him again with teary eyes. "Why? Why do you hate me so much that you enjoy watching the people I love be in pain?"

"I don't hate you, Casey. Quite the opposite. I love you." He leans towards her and presses his lips to her cheek and Casey recoils as if she's been shot again. "I enjoy it because they are not your family. I am. You promised that to me sitting on the beach when you accepted my ring. That we would be family forever. And you used to always keep your promises, didn't you?"

Casey shakes her head, tears freely streaming down her cheeks. "I gave you that ring back. I didn't love you anymore and I still don't. You are not my family and you never will be. Those people standing on the stairs begging to get me back are my family. And I know they will get me back."

Charlie is silent for a moment. Then he says thoughtfully, "Hmm, maybe I should take them too? Make you watch me torture them in front of you?"

Casey knows it's an empty threat but it still angers her nonetheless. "Touch Olivia and she will kill you. Touch Alex, and Olivia will kill you, and then I will kill you a second time."

Without a word Charlie gets up and walks over to the box he keeps across the cellar. It's out of Casey's reach and he's never opened it until now. He leans down and takes something in his hand and Casey can't see it until he approaches her again.

It's a hammer, and Casey's body goes rigid with fear.

"I love you, Casey, but you need to learn. You almost made a call and ruined everything. That can't happen. Nothing can tear us apart. So I have to make you learn."

He kneels in front of her and roughly grabs her arm. Casey tries to pull it away but Charlie is stronger. He holds her hand down on the ground and spreads her fingers.

Casey knows what's about to happen and pleads with him to stop. "No, please don't!"

But her pleas fall on deaf ears, and he slams the hammer down on the back of her hand as hard as he can.

Pain hits Casey again, as if she hasn't felt enough the past couple of weeks. She holds her hand, not able move her fingers and knowing it's broken. It hurts, but she tries not to let on how much.

Charlie has no remorse for what he's done. "It's simple, Casey. You accept my family and you'll have a nice time down here. You keep refusing me, and you'll have lots of pain to occupy your time."

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the very ring that Casey gave back to him all those years ago when she said she was leaving.

He slides it onto her injured hand and squeezes her wrist tightly. "If you're not wearing this the next time I come down here, I'll give you a new pain."

Casey just sits in silence as he climbs back up the ladder and secures the door. As soon as she knows he's gone, she collapses in tears.

 **I know this chapter was long but I hope you enjoyed it. What are your predictions, for Olivia ans Alex, and for Casey?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: this chapter is a bit graphic at the end**

 **6 Months Missing**

Over the next few months, Alex and Olivia's relationship detioriates even more.

Alex refuses to let go of the guilt over what happened to Casey. Her mind is set that Charlie had something to do with it, and when Alex has her mind set, there is no changing it.

They came to a mutual decision to postpone the wedding. It wasn't the right time, and Alex was not in any shape emotionally to focus on it, though she would never admit it. It tore Olivia up to postpone the wedding they had been planning; but she would do anything for Alex, and she knew right now she had to be patient and support her.

Olivia supported her despite her own internal objections when she insisted on paying the rent on Casey's apartment until the lease was up. She watched Alex follow dead lead after dead lead on her Facebook page. She watched her hire not one, but three private investigators to investigate Charlie.

She has to watch the woman she loves run herself ragged. She sits in the DA chair now and has no Executive ADA to assist her so she takes on more work than one person should handle. She works twelve to thirteen hour days and then comes home and gets on Facebook or goes out and talks to people, desperately looking for Casey.

Their intimacy level is at a zero right now, and Olivia doesn't know how much more she can take. How long she can watch Alex self destruct and deny the truth.

One breaking point comes when Alex and Olivia are at Casey's apartment packing it up. The lease is up, and Alex intends to put Casey's belongings into their storage unit.

"Alex," Olivia says as she wraps the tape around a box and seals it. "You should donate some of this stuff. She has nice clothes. There are a lot of people in need."

Alex doesn't answer; she just continues to pack clothes into the boxes.

Olivia shoves the box aside and goes on. "Casey would want you to, Alex."

That causes Alex to stop. Her hand hovers over the blazer she was about to grab off the hanger. She slowly turns toward Olivia.

"She's going to want this stuff back when she's found," she says. "I can't just give away her stuff."

Olivia sighs, not knowing how to get through to the blonde.

It's been over six months, and anytime that anyone alludes to Casey not coming back, Alex flies into a fit of anger. She refuses to accept what Olivia has long known; that Casey is most likely dead and more than likely would never be found.

"We don't have room for all this stuff in our storage unit," Olivia reasons, trying a different approach.

Alex has her back to her, packing more into the boxes. "Then I'll rent another unit."

"Damnit Alex, stop this! Stop this right now!"

Alex turns around and looks at the brunette, her eyes wide in shock. She's genuinely surprised by Olivia's outburst.

"You paid the rent on her apartment for six months and I didn't say anything. I wanted to come over here and help you clear it out because I thought this might be some type of closure for you. I can understand keeping some things, absolutely, but Alex - there is no reason to keep all these clothes and absolutely everything she owns! It's not feasible, and it's not healthy for you to hang on so tightly. I'm really worried about you."

Alex sits down on Casey's bed. She turns to face Olivia, a look of sadness on her face. "I just can't give up. I refuse to believe she is just _gone_. It's my fault she went out that night and didn't come back, because I was too selfish to be there for her."

Alex doesn't talk much about it. She's never been one to talk about her feelings, even to Olivia. She keeps them bottled up inside, even the strongest emotions that eat away at her. She puts on a brave face and plows through.

Olivia gets up and sits beside her on the bed. Normally Alex would lean into her shoulder or take her hand, but she just sits rigid and still, looking straight ahead at Casey's closet.

"I know I've told you this a thousand times and you won't believe me no matter what, but it was not your fault, Alex."

Alex closes her eyes and when she opens them, a tear slowly rolls down her cheek. This time she doesn't even try to stop it. "Yes, it is. I didn't keep a promise. She was always there for me - always. She would have left court if I had needed her. And I couldn't even…" Alex angrily wipes away another tear, upset with herself for allowing her resolve to crumble so easily.

"I know you feel deeply, and the feeling of being responsible is something you won't let go of. But Alex, it's destroying your life. And it's destroying mine as well. I don't even have you anymore."

Alex sits there and silently listens to Olivia.

"You overwork yourself and forget to eat most of the time. You're exhausted all the time because you don't sleep. When you do get home from the office, you start working again on this mission to find Casey. Alex, honey, it is okay to look for her. But not at the expense of everything else in your life. You need to fill that Executive ADA position so you have some help at work. You haven't even let anyone pack up her office. Do you know how unhealthy this is?"

"There is not one person at that office I would trust with that job, other than Casey," Alex says flatly.

Olivia sighs. "Then recruit someone from a different office. Jesus, Alex - you were told a month ago that her office needed to be cleared out and you needed to pick a replacement. That's what you need to be focusing on."

Alex finally meets Olivia's eyes. Her soft brown orbs reflect worry and hurt, and it makes Alex ache deep inside to know she is causing it.

"Casey is out there somewhere and everyone has given up on her, but I won't. No amount of words is going to change that. I'm responsible for her being gone and I will damn well find her. No matter how long it takes or what I have to do. She's out there counting on us, don't you care?"

Olivia covers Alex's hand with her own. "Of course I care. But Alex, we have found nothing to suggest that she was taken. You've had three different private investigators follow Charlie, and they all told you the same thing. He did nothing suspicious. You didn't like what they said, so you hired someone else. When you think you're right about something you are headstrong. And that's definitely a good thing to be in your job, honey, but not in your every day life."

Alex is silent for a moment, and she briefly looks away from Olivia. Very slowly she turns her head and asks, "You still think she ran away? Or she's dead?"

"I don't know," Olivia admits. "I know it's hard to imagine what could have happened without some type of evidence. I don't know what happened, but I don't believe Charlie had anything to do with it."

Alex can't believe that Olivia - a woman with the biggest heart and most compassion for victims she has ever known - could dismiss a woman abuser so easily. Knowing what he did to Casey in the past, and the fact that he was trying to get back into her life was all Alex needed to know for her to decide he was guilty

She can see right through his charades; why can't Olivia, a trained detective?

Alex's face is set and expressionless as she says, "You're wrong, Olivia. So wrong."

Immediately Alex gets back up off the couch and starts packing more clothes and shoes into boxes. She works quickly, without further acknowledging her fiancee still sitting on the bed.

Knowing that Olivia doesn't agree with her - that she wants Alex to let go - is making it difficult for Alex to be with her. They are on separate sides when normally they are in sync and together. Alex feels like Olivia doesn't trust her.

"Do you want to talk about Casey?" Olivia asks softly. "You never do. It might help."

Alex shakes her head. "No. It makes me too sad."

Olivia smiles softly. "I'm glad you two were friends. I thought you were going to hate each other. I was thrilled when you hit it off." She pauses. "You never told me how you guys became friends anyway. It was just like one day you were BFFs."

Alex closes the drawer she just emptied and turns around, leaning against the heavy oak dresser. "It was that Christmas party we had at the apartment five years ago. Remember, when she threw up all over our new carpet? Like, everywhere? I was so mad."

Olivia laughs. "Oh I remember! You thought she was drunk. You were definitely quite pissed off."

"Then I felt like an ass when me and Finn had to take her to the emergency room a couple hours later because she couldn't stop throwing up, and found out she had food poisoning. I felt like the biggest bitch on Earth for yelling at her about the carpet. After she came back to work, she brought Chinese food to my office as an 'apology' and we talked over lunch, and we were pretty much friends after that."

Olivia smiles in response. "I was always glad you had a good friend. Someone besides me. That you could, you know, complain about me to."

Alex avoids eye contact with Olivia, not wanting her to see the tears in her eyes again. "She's the best friend I've ever had. I never really had many friends. Just acquaintances. But she was different. She didn't care about my job, or what I looked like, or about my past. She was accepting and intelligent and fun to be around. She always made me laugh, even when it was inappropriate. She was always there for me. She tried to be our surrogate, how many people would do that? And last year when I had that scare with that cyst in my breast, she put my mind at ease. I was so scared and crying to her one day that if I had cancer and had to get chemo I would lose my hair and I couldn't deal with it. She had held my hand and let me cry myself out then she told me she'd shave her head with me so I didn't have to be alone. And she would have done it. Without a doubt, she would have done it for me."

Alex clears her throat and continues. "I just - miss her, Liv. I really hope that wherever she is that she's okay."

"Sweetheart," Olivia says, rising and going to stand next to the blonde. She puts her hand on Alex's arm to pause her packing while she talks to her. "Would you consider going into therapy? I know it helped you after witness protection. I think you have deep rooted emotions that you need to get out. It kills me to see you like this "

Alex sighs, going back to packing. It's like a retreat for her; she can throw herself into finding Casey, and it at least makes her feel like she is doing something to help her. "I have no time to do that, Liv."

"Alex," Olivia's voice is still sympathetic but also stern. "I need you to do something - please. I can't watch you like this. We don't even have a relationship anymore, and something has to change. I really need you to try, Alex, please."

Alex slowly turns and picks the box she was packing into off the bed. She barely looks at Olivia as she nods and heads out the bedroom door with the box.

Olivia leans forward and puts her head in her hands. She loves Alex; but it's becoming harder to keep loving her.

.2

It's gotten colder now, and on this visit Charlie brings Casey a hoodie and a flannel blanket.

"Thank you," she says, barely above a whisper as she slides the oversized hoodie on over her tee.

Charlie's visits have been erratic the past few months. Sometimes regular; sometimes days in between. He tells Casey he is working a lot, making money for "them."

Casey's body has healed from her early wounds, though she has a limp in the leg she was shot in when she gets up to walk. She's still confined by her shackles but Charlie has been better about letting her wash and get clean clothes. He has also kept her stocked up on other necessities - toilet paper, tampons, and sometimes magazines or books.

Even though her old wounds have healed, her new ones are still fresh. She's beaten frequently when she doesn't comply with what Charlie wants.

When she won't say "I love you" she usually just gets a beating. It's painful but she's learned to deal with it and play nurse on herself. If she takes off the engagement ring, her punishments are usually more severe. He whipped her until her back was bloody on one occasion. Then he pulled a tooth out with pliers on another.

Her left hand had been broken months ago and never healed correctly; she can't use the hand properly.

Casey had stood up to Charlie. She has dignity and won't let anyone - not even someone keeping her captive - do anything to her that she doesn't want done.

But it's been so long now; so many days of fear and pain, that she's beginning to give up the fight. She's tired of living in agony and being afraid of every sound. Things would be so much easier if she just did what Charlie asked.

And when she thinks this way, it makes her cry because she hates herself. How can she be so weak? How can she just give in to escape pain? That isn't who she is.

She thinks about her friends often and wonders if they are still looking for her. Charlie told her it's been six months. She's probably presumed dead by now.

 _Alex and Olivia are married by now. Wish I could have been there; I missed my best friend's wedding. I hope they are happy and went on a nice honeymoon._

She still holds onto the little ounce of hope that remains inside her that someone will rescue her one day.

Charlie looks at Casey in the hoodie, and Casey's heart catches in her throat as she recognizes the lust in his eyes. She's seen it and fought him off more times than she could count, always receiving a beating for it.

"I think it's time we became intimate again. You have resisted me long enough. I've been taking care of you. We need to resume our life together," he says softly, stroking Casey's hair.

Casey's stomach lurches at his touch. Anytime he lays his hands on her she feels cold and violated.

"Charlie, I've told you. We don't have a life together."

He traces the outline of Casey's cheekbones, moving in closer. Without warning he leans in and kisses her.

Casey is horrified. She goes to slap him, but he catches her hand and squeezes it until she cries out. "Want me to break this one too? Huh? The hammer is still down here. Want me to break this one too?"

Tears are rolling down Casey's cheek and she doesn't kiss him back, but she doesn't fight him off anymore either. She doesn't want her other hand broken.

He leans up and in one motion takes his shirt off. Casey immediately knows what he wants and she balls up tightly, trembling and trying to use words to stop him.

He tells her to remove her clothes. She is crying as she shakes her head and whispers, "No, please."

He slaps her hard across the face several times; that she can deal with. It's much better than the alternative.

"Do it now, Casey!" Charlie yells again.

Casey continues to shake her head, and this time Charlie roughly grabs her knee and forces her legs down. She tries to knee him in the crotch but he's sitting on top of her legs so she's unable to move much.

He removes his belt and underwear, and by this time Casey is fighting hard. She is digging her nails into his arms, yelling, doing whatever she can to stop him.

"Stop fighting me! It's been long enough! You **_will_** cooperate with me."

Casey is full on crying now as Charlie takes her shirt off and unclasps her bra. "I will not! I don't want this, please Charlie, stop!"

She can feel her strength running out. In her position there's only so much she can do, and her desperate clawing at Charlie is having no effect.

"Go ahead and keep fighting. I'll stay here on top of you until you cooperate. Until you want me." He lowers his mouth and licks Casey's cheek, causing her to cry even more. "I'll stay here for days if I have to."

After several long moments of struggling, the fight goes out of Casey. She goes limp, her body sore from too many beatings. She struggles to catch her breath and Charlie takes off her pants and then her panties.

He starts talking dirty, and Casey just squeezes her eyes closed and goes somewhere else in her head as Charlie rapes her.

 **Next few chapters you see Alex becoming what she is in Sunk Cost Fallacy. Do you think Casey will ever be found? What are your predictions?**


	10. Chapter 10

**1 Year Missing**

"Happy birthday, Casey."

Casey unballs herself long enough to see Charlie crouched in front of her. He's holding a box from a bakery in his hands, and a white plastic bag.

Casey hadn't even known it was her birthday. She lost track of time long, long ago. If it's her birthday, that means she's been trapped down here for almost a year. A year of complete hell, and to her it's seemed like years.

She's so scared all the time now, with no idea of when Charlie will come. He's gotten worse over the past few months. Sometimes he comes in the middle of the night when she's managed to fall asleep and rapes her repeatedly. Sometimes he leaves the light off when he does it; Casey prefers this. Then he can't see the tears that cascade down her cheeks when he violates her.

She doesn't fight him anymore. She's lost all will and strength. Every day is pain and misery for her, and by cooperating she lessens that pain a little more, even if she hates herself for being so weak.

She had made it through the winter; Charlie provided a space heater and an inflatable mattress. He took the mattress away when Casey talked back to him, leaving her to sleep on the cold ground again. She had cried for days when he took it away and begged him to give it back. The old Casey would have been disgusted with herself for begging. But this Casey, it's all she knows.

She balls herself back up as Charlie touches her, a chill going through her body. Whatever he has for her, she doesn't want it.

"Come on, birthday girl. I got you a cake and gifts. We can have cake together."

Last year on her birthday Alex took her out to the movies. That's when she saw Charlie, and when this whole thing has began. Alex had offered to do whatever she wanted; why did she have to pick the movies? None of this would have happened if she had made a different choice.

Alex. She thinks about her a lot, and about Olivia and the rest of her friends. She has to assume no one is looking for her now and she can't blame then. After this long, a missing person is presumed dead.

But God, she misses them. She had to spend Christmas alone sitting in the dirt and reading a book she's read dozens of times. Her Christmases of the past few years had been spent at Olivia and Alex's house, and they always had a great time. Olivia and Casey would make cookies and Alex would complain because they wouldn't let her help. No one liked burned cookies, after all. They would watch sappy Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel and go for a walk in the snow. Casey was always afraid she was a third wheel, but they never made her feel that way. She was their family, and they made it very clear.

She would give anything to be with them right now.

"I want you to look at me, Casey," Charlie says with a hint of sterness. When Casey makes no attempt to me, she's met with a hard kick in the side. "You haven't learned to not disobey me yet?"

She unballs herself and forces herself to sit up. Her back is sore from a beating she received a few days ago when she wouldn't tell Charlie she loved him.

He picks up her hand to check and see if she's still wearing her engagement ring. Casey hates it with a passion and it makes her sick to look at it, but when she takes it off she is punished severely. So again she's given into fear and left it on. Charlie smiles when he sees it on her finger.

Charlie opens the cake box; it's a small cake, big enough for two people. Vanilla frosting stares back at Casey and her stomach growls.

It looks delicious. She hasn't had a treat like this in so long. Charlie keeps her supplied with bottled water and occasionally soda, and her food consists of sandwiches, TV dinners and leftovers. A few times he has brought her soap or something from a restaurant.

He lays down a package of plastic flatware and gets a paper plate out of the bag. Casey watches him as he cuts a piece of the cake with the plastic knife and puts it on a plate, sitting it in front of her.

Casey wants to eat it. God, does she ever. It would be the best thing that's happened to her in a year.

But instead of digging in, she just stares at Charlie. She doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of eating it.

"Not hungry, huh?" he asks, looking her over. She's lost so much weight that she's actually looking scrawny, the clothes Charlie brings her hanging off her. "You need to put on some weight."

Casey can never get a read on him. Sometimes he is nice, sometimes he is hateful and mean and just wants to hurt her. She never knows what she's going to get.

"I thought by now you'd have given me a baby," he says with a sigh. "Which is why I don't use condoms."

Casey cringes. She had been told after several failed attempts when she was trying to be a surrogate for Olivia and Alex that she couldn't get pregnant. She had been upset at the time. But right now she's _extremely_ grateful.

"I can't get pregnant. I have a medical condition," Casey tells him.

He just sneers at her. "Another way in which you fail. I'll have to do something about that, won't I?"

She just turns her head and closes her eyes, waiting for him to slap her.

But he doesn't. Instead he pulls a stack of books out of the plastic bag.

"Your present."

Casey turns and looks at them. She's grateful for having something new to read and weakly says, "Thank you."

Charlie slides up next to Casey so their legs are touching and he puts his hand on her thigh. She instinctively flinches and has to keep herself from shoving his hand away. He talks about his job and his mother and how his life is so great now, all the while keeping his hand on Casey's thigh.

An idea forms in Casey's head as she looks at his hand. She clears her throat and interrupts him. "I think I will have some cake."

She slides the plastic closer to her and with shaking hands rips open the package of flatware. He left hand doesn't work well and it takes her a few tries but finally the fork, knife and spoon tumble out onto the ground in front of her.

Charlie grabs the cake and and cuts a piece for himself, sitting the plate on his lap and taking a bite.

Casey takes a bite, her eyes on Charlie the whole time. The cake tastes wonderful and she has to stop herself from downing the rest of it.

She waits until Charlie is distracted. Then she takes her knife and cuts Charlie across the neck.

His neck opens up like a dam. Blood pours out and he tries to get to his feet, gasping for air. He yells out and falls onto his back, his head rolling to the side and starting at Casey with dead eyes.

Casey's shackles magically open and she's free.

That's what she _wants_ to happen.

What actually happens is much different.

The plastic blade barely made a nic on Charlie. He is cursing and yelling, screaming at Casey for attacking him.

She receives one of the worst beatings she has gotten in awhile. By the time he is finished she is coughing up blood and clutching her no doubt broken again ribs.

 _Why was I so stupid???? Did I think plastic was going to hurt him?_

She has no idea what was going through her mind. The only thing she knows is that she's becoming desperate to get out of here. Absolutely desperate.

"You are the stupidest girl I know! So stupid!" Charlie is so angry who can barely speak. He goes over to his toolbox while Casey rolls onto her stomach and groans in pain.

Casey sees the pliers and she starts shamelessly crying. "Please no - no, no, no, please!"

Of all the abuse, all the torture she's suffered at the hands of Charlie - the pliers have inflicted the most pain. He had held her down and pulled out one of her bottom teeth when she tried to fight him off months ago. He ripped the tooth out by the root, and the pain had been so unbearably bad that she had passed out.

She remembers screaming after it happened as her mouth filled with blood. Screaming until everything had gone black and pain for many days afterwards.

It was definitely the most miserable thing she's ever been through. She didn't even think the scalding water had been that bad in comparison.

Even now she can't chew comfortably on that side, and when Charlie brings her something hard to eat she's reminded of the pain.

She's crying now, using every combination of words she can think of to get Charlie to change his mind.

But there's no stopping him. He holds her down, and she fights as hard as she can with her broken and bruised body. He forces her mouth open and she tries to bite him, only knowing it's going to make her punishment worse.

He latches on to another bottom molar with the pliers, and this time it cracks as he's pulling it out. Casey can feel the gush of blood already, taste the warm metallic in her mouth. She's screaming shamelessly, the pain pulsating through her jaw down into her neck.

She can't understand how someone can be this sick. How could Charlie go from loving her, to torturing her this way? Mentally ill or not, how can he live with himself?

He gets up every day and makes a conscious choice to torture Casey. To torment her until she lies bleeding, begging for death.

Charlie pulls another tooth and that's when Casey passes out.

2.

When Casey comes to it's night time. The aching, throbbing pain in her jaw jolted her from her sleep and she pulls herself into a sitting position.

Charlie left the light on, and Casey can see blood in the dirt around where she had been sleeping.

She moans in pain as she reaches for her bottle of water. Somehow it had rolled out of her reach and she strains herself to be able to reach it, outstretching her arm and pulling against her shackles so hard that the metal digs into her ankle.

She gives an anguished cry when she realizes she can't reach it.

Charlie had brought down leftover fried chicken and coleslaw for Casey. Her mouth throbs but somehow she manages to chew a few pieces of chicken and eat almost all the coleslaw. She can only chew in the front, which makes eating a chore. It's become another thing that causes her excruciating pain.

She leans her head back against the cement pillar and cries. Her entire body hurts and her spirit is broken.

"Olivia, Alex - why haven't you guys found me?" she asks aloud, her voice quivering. "Please, please don't give up on me. I want to come home." She wipes a tear away with her arm. "Please, I'm so scared. I'm so scared. Get me out of here."

Almost every time he comes to visit, Charlie breaks Casey down even more by telling her that her friends are no longer looking for her. He said that Alex closed down the Facebook site and withdrew the reward. Casey knows she can't believe him, but it hurts everytime he tells her. You can only be told the same thing so many times before you start believing it.

 _Why would they be looking for me, anyway? They're married by now and probably working on adopting a baby. I'm probably the furthest thing from their minds. And I can't blame them._

She wipes another tear that's rolling down her cheek. This one has nothing to do with the pain in her mouth or her body and everything to do with the fear of being forgotten and gave up on.

Charlie comes again several hours later. Casey presses herself hard against the cement pillar, trying in vain to disappear so he won't hurt her again. Her entire body is shaking in fear and she hugs her knees to try and calm herself.

He doesn't speak a word or try to touch her.

Casey has her head buried in her arms but she can hear him shuffling around and bags rattling. She hears the familiar sound of the space heater turning on. He had taken it out awhile ago; there must be another cold snap.

Casey doesn't raise her head until she hears the door above her head slam closed.

The light is out and Casey very painfully stands and feels around for the dangling cord and switches on the light. She can barely stand for even a few seconds and almost falls back to the ground.

There are two Walgreens plastic bags sitting nearby and three new bottles of water.

Casey crawls over to the bags. There's Tylenol for pain, something he's never given her before. Just a small single dose package; he obviously didn't want to give her enough that she may overdose.

It's probably not going to touch the pain in her mouth but it's better than nothing.

There's also a candy bar and some other necessities that Casey had told Charlie she needed.

She spends the next few hours trying to lessen the pain in her mouth. The Tylenol helped, but not much. She can feel her heartbeat in her jaw.

Drinking water causes immense pain and she cries out every time the cold water hits her mouth. She wonders if a nerve may be exposed from Charlie pulling her teeth.

She's just tired of the unrelenting pain and despair.

3.

It's been said that Olivia Benson has the patience of a saint.

And anyone who saw her over the past year would agree with that sentiment.

She stood by Alex, the woman she loved, and supported her every venture and every decision. She may not have always agreed with her, but once Alex made it clear she was going to do something, Olivia was there for her.

But even saints reach the end of their ropes sometimes.

Casey has been missing for a year and somehow it's worse now for Alex than it was when Casey first went missing.

Two weeks ago Olivia had embraced her fiancee as she emerged from the Attorney General's office, where she had just turned in her resignation as District Attorney. She agreed to serve out one last month while they found a replacement.

Alex's heart hadn't been in her job anymore

. She wasn't committed; not as much as she should have been. She would overlook little details that the Alex Cabot of yesteryear would have latched onto and ran with.

She now understand why some people could commit crimes. How they could be pushed to it and left no choice.

Her final straw happened when the case of a single mom accused of murdering her son's father had come across her desk.

He had a rap sheet longer than Staten Island, and there was more than ample evidence to prove he was an abuser to both his son and his once girlfriend. Hospital records of broken ribs, dislocated shoulders; a spiral fracture of his son's arm when he was only five. Reports of frequent bruises by school staff.

There was an active restraining order against him, but in the end not even the cops could protect the young mom and her son. He would come banging on the door every night, careful to be gone before the police could ever arrive to catch him. He continued to have visitations with his son, causing his son to go into full on panic attacks.

He was shot at two AM on a Monday. Point blank range to the chest, by an unregistered gun that the abused woman had bought on the street to protect herself and her son.

Alex had locked herself in her office and thrown herself into the case. She took the case on herself instead of assigning it to an ADA under her.

She spent weeks speaking to the mother and child and working every angle of the case. She called upon a favor from a former colleague who now worked as a defense attorney and got her the best representation possible. She knew she had no choice but to prosecute this case; and she also knew she was going to make sure it was not one she was going to win.

In the end, the mother had taken a plea and opted to not go to trail, despite Alex's advice.

Alex had been devastated. She stayed in bed for two days, replaying everything in her mind, thinking of what she should have done but didn't. Thinking about Casey and how similar the situations were, and how she had failed them both.

She had typed up her resignation the next day.

And it was like a switch was flipped again. Alex threw herself back into looking for Casey full time, no longer having work to occupy her mind most of the day.

And again the wedding was postponed. Again dinner would go cold, and Olivia would go to bed with the blonde still sitting over her computer. The anniversary of their first date - something they always celebrated - came and went and Alex hadn't even remembered.

So as Olivia hovered outside their bedroom as she watched Alex take off her jewelry for the evening, she knew the very hard decision she had come to was the right one.

"Alex," Olivia says, causing the attorney to look at her from her spot at the dresser. "We need to talk."

Alex's blue eyes reflect sadness and defeat and Olivia has a hard time looking into them anymore.

"Conversations that start that way usually don't end well," Alex says, as Olivia takes her hand and leads her to the bed where they sit down.

"Things between us aren't the same," Olivia says, keeping her voice low and steady. "You're not there anymore, Alex."

"Nothing is the same anymore, Liv," Alex answer flatly. She looks at their conjoined hands and sighs. "It never will be."

"I'm not getting any younger. I want a family, Alex. And I know that you did too. But it isn't your focus anymore, and it needs to be mine."

Alex just stares straight ahead, anticipating Olivia's words before she even says them.

"I saw you walk away from a career you've worked your whole life for. From a position you've wanted since you first set foot in the courthouse almost twenty years ago. I watched you trade one obsession for another.

I don't know where I fit into the equation anymore. I can't live in the darkness any more, Alex. I can't. I hate what it does to you, I hate what it does to me, and I hate what it's done to us. I sincerely hope you can find the closure you need and let go of the guilt that you live with about Casey. But I know you better than anyone else, and I know you never will. It will eat at you until the darkness consumes you."

Alex shifts her gaze to the comforter on their bed, a tear making its way down her cheek as she listens to Olivia's voice break.

"And I can't stay for that." Olivia sucks in a breath, trying to keep her voice steady. "I have always put you first; always been there for you. You've always had my heart. I wanted to grow old with you, watch our grandchildren play in the living room."

Alex almost breaks. Hearing Olivia say those words just shatters her inside. She knows she's hurt Olivia with her determination. She knew it would take a toll on their relationship.

But she can't stop; she won't stop.

"But I have to put myself first now. I have to step out of the darkness and into the light. I deal with it day in and day out. Home used to be an escape. It's not anymore, Alex. The darkness is worse here than it is at work."

Alex finally turns her head and looks at Olivia, tears shining in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Liv." Her voice is so quiet she barely recognizes it as her own.

Olivia nods, her own tears coming full force, and she sits on the bed next to Alex. She picks up Alex's hand and laces their fingers together, like she has so many times before.

But it feels different now.

"I know you're sorry. But really, you have nothing to apologize for. You are being who you are, and that's a very passionate, feeling person. A person I will always love dearly."

Alex knows there's a 'but' coming, and she closes her eyes and braces herself for it. She can already feel her heart breaking.

"But also a person I can't be with any longer."

Alex opens her eyes, tears running down her cheeks that she doesn't even try to stop. "I love you, Olivia."

"I know." Olivia gives her hand a squeeze. "Believe it or not, I have never doubted that. I know you love me, but I also know that I'll always take a backseat to your guilt. I'll never be the only thing on your mind. I'll never be your real focus."

Alex remains silent, turning her head and looking at their dresser.

"I want to be a mom, Alex. I want someone to need me, to feel complete in a way I never have before. And I - I can't do that with you."

The words hurt; like a dagger through Alex's heart.

But really, how had she expected this not to happen?

"I will always be there for you. Always. Anytime you need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on - anything. I'll be there. You can count on that." After a beat, Olivia sighs and slides her ring off her finger, her eyes filling up with fresh tears as she handed it to Alex. "I just can't be here."

And that was it. Alex and Olivia had hugged and cried together before Olivia packed a light bag and politely informed Alex she was going to a hotel until she could come get the rest of her belongings.

As the bedroom door closed, Alex felt numb. She felt completely gutted; like someone ripped out her heart and her organs and everything that made her human and left her an empty shell.

The tears she cried for herself, for Olivia, for Casey, for her career, for her relationship - they were never ending.

 **What do you think? Is Alex walking down a dangerous road? What will happen to Casey?**


	11. Chapter 11

**There is a time jump here. Sorry if you're not a fan of that but it was necessary for the story to progress.**

 **4 Years Missing**

Casey is now just a shell of the person she was before. Over the years she's given up any hope that anyone is still looking for her.

Every day is the same for her. Sometimes Charlie comes, and when he does she cooperates. She takes off her clothes and gives him what he wants. She doesn't speak a word; she just lies still and silent as Charlie has his way with her, usually violently.

It's been four years of torture and pain. When she gets a beating now it barely affects her at all. She's used to pain.

Two years ago he sliced her face with his pocket knife, for no reason other than to make her less desirable for anyone else. She bled profusely but refused to cry or show any signs of pain. She must have done something to deserve it.

Casey hasn't seen her face since the cutting but she can feel a scar across her cheek. Charlie tells her she's worthless and ugly and that no one else will ever want her because of her scar. After hearing those words for four years, Casey can only assume they are true. She's some kind of horrible, hideous monster that no one would ever want to look at.

Before she gave up on herself she did everything she could to try and get away. She tried to end her life by starving herself. After a week of not eating, Charlie had sat on her chest and forced food down her throat. She had tried it again several weeks later but the crippling hunger pains got the best of her and she made herself eat.

Another time she tried to choke herself with the shackles, and when she couldn't do that she desperately sought a way to hang herself.

But nothing had worked, and she sank deeper and deeper into fear and despair until she gave up completely on herself.

When she comes down with a terrible cold in the middle of the winter she is denied tissues. Charlie tells her she doesn't deserve them, that she deserves to suffer. So Casey rides the cold out and when she develops a cough she thinks she deserves that too.

Not long after Casey starts to get sick, the space heater stops working. It's in the middle of a particularly cold spell, and Casey finds herself freezing with only her flannel blanket and hooded sweatshirt.

Charlie doesn't visit for several days so Casey spends days in the throes of a fever, her body aching and burning to the touch. She doesn't know how many days go by, but she begins hallucinating. She knows her brain is slowly being affected by the extremely high temperature surging through her body.

Her body is wracked with constant coughs, her chest feeling heavy as it rattles with each cough. She finds herself gasping desperately for breath with each spell.

The sickness has overtaken her body, draining her of any energy. She sleeps in between fits of gasping and coughing. She's unable to get herself up, her body just too weak and sick to cooperate with her.

One day Charlie returns. She's aware that he's there's and he's saying words to her, touching her. Her eyes burn and she's unable to keep them open for even a few minutes. She tries to talk but it comes out as a groan only as she grasps her blanket with shaking hands and pulls it around herself.

It sounds like his voice is far away, and when she does manage to hold her eyes open long enough to focus on anything her vision is spotty and blurry.

Suddenly she's aware of a second voice. Even in her sickly stupor she would know another voice after four years of only Charlie's.

Arguing. Someone is arguing with Charlie. It's a woman's voice, and it's high and shrill.

"How long has she been down here?" The voice practically screams, and then bursts into tears after Casey hears Charlie reply.

Casey raises her head long enough to make out the face leaning in front of her - Charlie's mother. Tears are running down her cheeks as she touches Casey's back.

Casey shrinks away from her touch, covering herself with the blanket.

"Casey, I am so sorry. I am so sorry," she says over and over again.

She says something to Charlie that Casey can't make out and then Charlie yells. She picks up on a few more words, "very, very sick," "how could you?" "or she's going to die."

Casey tries hard to stay with it and figure out what is going on but her body is lulling her into slumber. She shivers greatly as she gives in to its demands.

And the next thing Casey is aware of is commotion around her, loud noise. There's a sound that is similar to a siren but she knows it couldn't be. The sound of radio chatter.

She knows she's dreaming or hallucinating again, or maybe even dead.

"Casey Novak?" a male voice says, and Casey looks up to see what looks like a police officer and a paramedic leaning over her.

 _This can't be real. Can't be real. I'm too sick._

The question is repeated and instead of answering, Casey tries to make herself as small as possible. Out of pure instinct she pushes herself into the dirt ground, holding the blanket over her with as much strength as her body will allow.

She can't let anyone see her. Charlie told her she's hideous to look at it. she can't let anyone touch her - she knows they will hurt her.

The next few minutes are a blur. More sirens, more talking. All different voices, all voices except Charlie's. Loud beeps.

Someone tries to pick her up. Casey immediately goes into fight or flight mode and thrashes about, not wanting anyone to touch her.

But her strength leaves her and as she's strapped to a gurney she passes out.

2.

The next time Casey opens her eyes, there's even more commotion and noise.

She's still laying down on what she knows to be a gurney and as she looks up she sees fluorescent lights. She's being moved quickly, men in uniform talking loudly on either side of her.

Her mind slowly gathers that she's in a hospital, being moved down the corridors. Suddenly she's gripped with fear; why is she here? Does Charlie know she's gone? He's going to be so angry and she's going to get another beating.

They take her into a room and everything happens so quickly so can't process it. She's fighting to stay conscious despite the hotness raging through her and the tightness of her chest.

A doctor runs into the room, and she immediately leans down and touches Casey's arm. Her touch is like hot coils and Casey closes her eyes and braces herself to be hit.

But she isn't. Instead she has a kind voice, and softly says, "Casey, you're going to be okay. You're at the hospital. You're going to get better."

Casey is aware of police officers at her side and the doctor says something to them, causing them to step out of the room.

A nurse is at Casey's other side and without warning sticks her arm for the IV.

Casey completely loses it. She starts screaming, begging the nurse not to hurt her. The doctor tries to calm her, repeating over and over that it's okay, but Casey won't stop thrashing about. She kicks outward, catching the nurse in the side.

Despite being sick and weak, Casey is strong. It takes the doctor and three nurses to restrain her. Casey is terrified and shaking as another needle goes into her arm; this time a sedative.

It takes just a few seconds to take effect, but before it does, Casey is aware that she's peed herself.

 _Charlie is going to beat me for this. He's going to be so mad…_

Then the sedative takes hold and she passes out again.

3.

The last four years have been filled with change and turmoil for Alex.

She saw herself leave a career she's worked all her life for and open the book on a chapter in her life.

Losing Olivia was definitely one of the hardest things Alex had gone through. Olivia had taken her things from the house slowly so for weeks after the split Alex could still smell her perfume lingering and when she would see something that belonged to Olivia she become sad all over again.

Olivia remained supportive of Alex, always offering an ear and a shoulder.

Alex hadn't even recovered from the loss of her best friend, so losing another person that meant so much almost broke her. She had spent some dark days alone hating the universe for taking two people she loved from her.

She hadn't seen Olivia outside of the occasional run-in in three years. They kept in touch when she first left the DA's but they quickly got lost in their own lives. She had been happy to hear that Olivia had been promoted Captain and had sent congratulatory flowers to her office. Last time she saw her was at a coffee shop in Manhattan where Olivia showed her photos of her adopted son, Noah. Alex had been happy and proud that Olivia had finally gotten what she wanted in her life and was finally happy.

They keep saying they need to have lunch and catch up. But those plans never come to fruition.

Alex spent her days volunteering at various women's shelters, wanting to help those in a similar situation to what her best friend had gone through. She poured large amounts of money into local shelters, updating them with new furniture and technology.

There wasn't one day of her life in the past three years that she didn't spend helping another person; whether it be emotional support, financial support, rides...whatever they needed.

Alex never gave up on Casey; she never would. She spent less time looking for her now as she had a new purpose to occupy her time, but she checked her Facebook page every day and not a day passed that she didn't think about her.

In her mind, helping other women somehow made up for not being able to help Casey.

As much as Alex loved spending her time at the shelters, she often found herself at odds with the administrators over policy. They were quick to call child protective services and split up families, and the women and children they helped often times went right back into the same situations they came out of.

Alex got emotionally invested dozens of times and wished there things she could do outside the law to help these women. The law often didn't favor them; their abusers would get a slap on the wrist or they would be prosecuted for acting in self defense.

After three years Alex was pretty burnt out on running in place to help these women.

Then one day as she was driving home, she saw something that would change her life forever.

A former halfway house was for sale. It was white with brown trim, very large, two story and modern. A nice yard with nice landscaping and a fountain in the front of the property.

She hadn't seen the for sale sign the last time she drove this way and had immediately called the number on the realtor sign.

Two days later she was on a walk through. It had been a home for troubled teenagers before the funding was lost and most everything had been left behind. There was a cafeteria with a full kitchen and fold down school style tables and even vending machines.

There was a very large lounge area that lacked furniture but still had a refrigerator and Alex could picture in her head all the possibilities.

There were several rooms upstairs and down, and two bathrooms on each floor. The bathrooms were ugly but definitely useable; Alex could certainly give them flair. The rooms each contained two sets of bunk beds on opposite walls and one nightstand for each bed.

Alex had made an offer slightly below asking price and three months later closed sale on the house and property.

She would open her own shelter where she could help women and families in the way that she needed to. Actually help them.

She worked by herself, wanting this to be her labor and her project.

She'd pull her hair back and put on old jeans and paint and paint until her hands were stained with color. She spent countless hours at different stores, buying decor to make the house seem like a sanctuary and a home.

The house mattered to her. She sometimes spent twelve hours a day there working, getting closer and closer to her goal every day. It gave her something to focus on, something to be proud of.

Over several months the progress was really evident.

Every bedroom in the house now had brand new mattresses on the bunk beds and were freshly painted with brand new dressers. She had TVs for each room but was holding back on installing them until she could find someone to help her mount them on the walls.

She had cleaned the kitchen. She never in her life thought she'd see herself on the floor scrubbing stuck on grease with a toothbrush. But she had, day after day, until the hot holding table, oven, deep fryer and racks were clean. Then she polished everything with a stainless steel cleaner and cleaned the tiled floor.

She'd already decided the lower floor was going to get new carpet and picked out a nice stain resistance beige color. It took a team of carpenters only a day to install, and Alex very much liked the end result.

All in all, the place was coming together the way she wanted it. She wasn't going to open until things were one hundred percent ready to go. And with Alex, her one hundred percent would be two hundred percent to anyone else.

It's Friday and instead of working on the halfway house today, Alex decides to take some donations to the women's shelter in Manhattan where she first started volunteering. She stayed in touch with the director, Christine, and would like to get some advice on community outreach once she's ready to open.

Alex is almost to the shelter when her phone rings. It's an unknown number and she's not expecting a call so she lets it go to voicemail.

Christine comes outside as soon as she sees Alex's car, huge smile on her face. Alex steps out and the two women embrace.

"Alex! We have missed you so much!"

Alex gives her a smile. Of all the shelters she volunteered at, this was her favorite. And Christine was a caring, dedicated person who did the most with what she had and was limited on what she could do to help those in need.

"I wanted to stop by sooner. Life is crazy. I'm working every day on that house. I'm sorry I haven't had time to come by. But I brought some stuff for you guys," Alex walks around the car and motions to the backseat.

Alex has always trusted Christine, and a part of her had wanted to ask her to join on her on shelter venture. But she knows Christine is the heart and soul of this place and would never leave, and she would never ask her to get involved in what Alex knows has to be done.

"Alex, this is so amazing of you to do this," Christine says with a smile as she helps Alex unload her car and bring the boxes inside to the conference room.

Alex smiles, running her hand over the tape seal on the top box. "They were Casey's clothes. I've had them in storage since…" she clears her throat. "Since she's been gone. I know the women here can get some use out of them. Casey had some nice stuff. There are some blazers and suits that would be perfect for someone interviewing for a job, casual stuff too."

"Casey would be proud of you, Alex," Christine says, her eyes shining. "For opening your own shelter and for everything you did for us. You're really a special person. We will miss you around here. But I wish you luck on your venture, and should you need anything, don't hesitate to call me, please."

At that moment Alex's phone rings again. Same number as in the car. She sends it to voicemail again.

It took four years for Alex to be able to donate Casey's clothes. For her to feel any type of a semblance of closure. She knew that Casey would rather see women who need them wear them than for them to sit in boxes in storage.

"I really appreciate that," Alex says. "I know it won't be easy on my own. But I'm dedicated and I'm going to do it."

"Can I ask why you don't want anyone to help you?" Christine asks.

Alex looks at her. "I just feel like it's something I need to do on my own. Once I open I will recruit volunteers, but getting setup...it has to be me. I just have to do it. And I finally have a name." She clears her throat. "The Novak Center for Women and Families."

Christine smiles and hugs Alex again. "That's perfect. I wish you every bit of luck in the world, and never forget that you're an amazing person."

Alex stays for a couple hours, helping out with serving lunch and helping the child of a current resident with his math homework.

She had forgotten all about the call she sent to voicemail until she gets to her car. She slips her phone out of her purse and checks to see if they left a message.

Sure enough, there are two messages and Alex plays them.

" _Alex, it's Detective Stevens. I need you to call me as soon as you get this message."_

She isn't surprised to hear from Detective Stevens. He calls frequently to check up on her and her Facebook page.

The second message, however - well that one is a surprise

"It's _Detective Stevens again. We have Casey. She's alive. She's at Rochester County Hospital, and I won't lie, she's in rough shape. Doctors think pneumonia...and several injuries. I know this isn't the call you expected to get. Come to the hospital as soon as you're able."_ **What do you think? Will things be easier for Alex now, or harder because she will know what Casey actually went through? What about Casey?** **Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

Alex sees Detective Stevens almost immediately as she enters the hospital waiting room.

Her heart rate picks up as she runs down the corridor towards the waiting room.

It was an hour drive to the hospital, but Alex had made it in forty five minutes.

When she called Stevens back on her way he wouldn't tell her anything other than that Casey was alive and very sick.

Alex doesn't even let Detective Stevens get a word in. "What the hell happened? Where was she found? Can I see her?"

He motions towards the chairs in the waiting room. "Please - sit and we will talk."

Alex is incredibly anxious and sitting is difficult for her when she feels that way, but she does as she's asked. She takes a seat in one of the uncomfortable fabric chairs, wringing her hands together in her lap and repeats her previous questions.

"Charlie had been keeping her captive."

Those were all the words that Alex needed to hear. She's aware that Stevens is still talking, but her mind can't process what he's saying.

Storm cellar. Tortured. Those are the only words that she can absorb.

She had known it was Charlie all along. No one had believed it, but she always knew.

Why didn't she try harder to prove it?

It should be noted that Alex Cabot never cries. But as Stevens goes on about Casey's injuries and the conditions she was kept in, she loses her composure.

He had said her ribs were broken and healed several times, most likely from repeated beatings. Her left hand was broken and left to heal incorrectly and would require surgery. She had several scars on her back and all over her body.

He gives Alex a minute before he goes on, handing her a tissue which she graciously accepts.

Normally Alex would be appalled to let anyone see her fall apart. But right now that hardly seems to matter. She's just been informed that someone she loves has been living a tortured life for four years; there's really no other way to respond.

"I'm sorry to say that it looks as if some of her teeth were pulled out by force. She's going to need to see an oral surgeon."

Alex feels her stomach churn and a burning anger and hatred for Charlie. How could he do this?

She wants to break his ribs and his hand and pull his teeth out. Make him live in fear and misery for years.

"Was she - " Alex has to swallow and brace herself for the answer before she asks the question. "Was she sexually assaulted?"

The look on Stevens face answers the question before his words ever can. "I'm afraid so. I wasn't told much in that regard, other than there was evidence of repeated assaults. They've already drawn blood to test for any diseases. I was told she isn't pregnant; that should come as a relief."

Nothing about this comes as a relief; none of it. And until this moment Alex could never understand what could drive someone to take another person's life.

She understands now.

Alex has never been a violent person and never hit or hurt another person in any way. But if Charlie were here right now, she would beat him until he had no life left in him.

She hss never wanted to kill someone before. Sure she's hated people, and even wished them ill, but she's never understood how someone could feel the urge to take away someone's life.

Until now.

Alex sits numbly as Stevens continues.

"Charlie's mother is the one who called 911. Charlie fled as soon as she called; we have a BOLO out on him."

"Let me understand this," Alex says when she's able to form words. She leans forward in her chair. "He kept Casey in a storm cellar? On his mother's property, _for four years_ , and she never knew?"

Skepticism drips from Alex's words but Steven remains professional, fully understanding why she would feel that way.

"Charlie planted sod over the door of the storm cellar. Unless you were looking for it, you never would have found it. Linda was hysterical when I arrived. She rode to the hospital with Casey. She's talking to some of my officers right now. We have no reason to believe that she knew anything about Casey being held down there."

Alex is filled with more guilt than she ever thought was possible. She was at the house. So was Amanda Rollins. They could have been walking over top of where Casey was being kept, and they didn't find her.

"I sat at that woman's kitchen table with my friend. We talked about Casey. And outside underground in a cellar was Casey and I didn't find her." Alex wipes her eyes with her sleeve, shaking her head and hating herself.

"You couldn't have known. Don't be hard on yourself, Miss Cabot."

She remembers seeing bags of sod in the barn when Charlie allowed them to walk through. How could she not put two and two together? How could she have not known?

She prides herself on being intelligent and intuitive. But she failed her best friend at a time she needed her most, and it's something she will never forgive herself for.

"I really want to see Casey," Alex says, ignoring Steven's last comment .

"I understand. As soon as I am able to, I will allow it."

Alex frowns, that Alex Cabot pride returning. "Why can't I see her now?"

"Miss Cabot, she's been sedated. She will likely be out for a couple more hours."

"Why the hell would they do that?! Hasn't she been through enough trauma?"

"She wouldn't let anyone touch her. It's the only way they could examine her. It was what was best for her and the medical team. One of the doctors will speak to you as soon as is possible and inform you of the next steps. She's going to need to stay here for a couple days, and we are going to need to speak with her as soon as she is able," Stevens says.

"You said she is sick?"

"Doctors suspect pneumonia from being too cold. They will be able to tell you more. But she will be okay."

Alex is looking at the beige carpet and just sighs. She's never felt more helpless and useless in her life.

Stevens has to leave Alex, and soon she is sitting alone, her mind overwhelmed by what she has learned.

She could have found her if she had tried harder. If she had followed Charlie herself, or come back to check Linda's property when she was alone. Maybe she could have spared Casey from some of the torture she endured. Maybe she could have stopped Charlie.

Charlie. When he's caught, she vows to herself that she's going to make him pay by any means necessary.

"Alex?"

Alex looks up at the mention of her name and a frown immediately graces her face when she sees Linda standing next to her chair.

Her eyes are red rimmed and puffy and she's nervously playing with the sleeves of her sweatshirt.

Alex's face goes from grief to anger in a matter of seconds. She holds her hand yo, halting Linda and telling her not to come any closer.

"Alex, I am so sorry for what my son has done! As soon as I knew, I called the police. You have my deepest apologies, and - "

"Apologies mean nothing," Alex cuts in, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Alex, I - "

"What your son did," Alex says, rising to her feet and actually causing Linda to take a step back. "Is despicable. He isn't even human. He kept my best friend locked up to four years. _Four years_. And he tortured and raped her. There is nothing you can say that will make any of that better. Your son is a monster, and when he's caught, I'm going to personally make sure he pays."

Linda seems to be expecting those words. She attempts to move towards Alex but is stopped again. "I cannot blame you for anything you said, and you are right. I should have been more aware of what was going on right under my nose. I guess I will always see Charlie as my little boy, but I never thought he was capable of…" her voice trails off as she chokes back tears. "All I can say is that I'm sorry I failed Casey."

"You didn't fail her - I did," Alex says, a hint of sadness in her voice as she sits back down and averts her gaze to the TV across the room. "Now please, I have nothing to say to you. Leave me to wait to see my friend in peace."

Linda does as Alex asks, leaving her alone with her guilt and troubled thoughts.

2.

The first thing Casey is aware of when she opens is her eyes is that she feels like she was run over by a semi truck.

Wait a minute - there's no dirt. She's not laying on the ground. Somehow, she's on a mattress. She's not looking up at the boarded ceiling of the cellar. Instead she's looking at a white ceiling, bright with lights.

It takes her several minutes of blinking to bring herself back to reality and determine this is actually real.

 _I'm in a hospital. But wait - where's Charlie? And who is holding my hand?_

She feels someone grasping her hand and is suddenly filled with fear as she gently pulls it away from whomever is touching her.

"Casey?!"

She knows that voice. She hasn't heard it in years, but she knows it.

She turns her head to the side, blinking rapidly to try and clear her vision. Her eyes feel heavy and her head is fuzzy and it's hard to focus on anything.

Someone had been sitting in a chair by her bed but is now standing beside her and softly says her name again.

Blonde hair. She can make out blonde hair. And the voice…

"Alex?" she chokes out, and as soon she speaks, she's wracked with a coughing fit.

"Yeah, it's me," Alex says, quickly sitting on the bed beside her and attempting to give her a hug.

Casey shies away. As much as she would love to let Alex hug her, she can't. She can't stand for anyone to see her or touch her.

Alex senses Casey's apprehension and stands back up, giving her a forced weak smile. She's trying hard not to cry, and doing a pretty bad job at it.

"I'm so happy to see you," Alex says.

Casey is ecstatic to see her. She wants nothing more than to burst into tears and beg Alex to take her home, to tell her all the horrible things that Charlie did to her.

But she can't say anything. She just stares at Alex, her mind not able to make her mouth say the words she knows she should say.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?! I wished to see Alex so many times and now I can't even talk to her._

"I feel awful," Casey says, her voice so low she isn't sure whether or not Alex heard her.

But she must have, because she nods. "I know. I'm sorry. You have pneumonia. They have you on a pretty strong antibiotic. You've been here for two days, asleep. I visited you the first day you were here but you were pretty out of it. You will be okay, though."

Casey is suddenly terrified. Two days? Does Charlie know she's gone? He's going to be so angry with her…

And does Alex know what happened to her? She looks away in shame. She can't stand to think that Alex - a woman she admires and who used to respect her - might know that she was weak, and a coward. She couldn't bear to have her know what she let Charlie do to her.

"I…" Casey fights through another coughing spell. "I have to go back. Charlie is going to know I'm gone!"

Alex shakes her head as a nurse comes into the room. "No, Casey. He's never going to hurt you again. I promise."

The nurse smiles at Casey and looks at her vitals, writing something down on her chart.

Casey is very visibly shaken up and starts to panic. "He'll come here - you can't stop him!"

"Casey, it's okay, you're safe. I won't let him hurt you."

Casey shakes her head, full panic taking over as the nurse goes to adjust her IV. In one motion Casey rips the IV out of her arm, sending blood splattering across the room.

She attempts to get up off the bed but she's much too medicated and weak, and instead draws the attention of two more nurses who come flying into the room.

The scene is like something out of a movie. Casey is screaming and fighting, all the while the nurses try to calm her and restrain her.

"Casey," Alex says, trying to keep her voice low. She's fighting hard to stay in control and she sits on the bed beside Casey one more time. "Please stop. We've got you. You're okay." She's crying now, but Casey is too panicked to norice.

One of the nurses steps forward with another sedative and Alex waves them away. "No, please. She doesn't need it. She'll calm down."

But she doesn't. The nurse injects the sedative into her IV and as she puts her hand on Casey's arm to address the bleeding IV site. Casey screams and kicks again.

"No!!!!! He's going to come!!! I'm going to be punished!"

She can feel herself growing tired, giving into the sedative again.

She has just enough consciousness to realize that Alex is hugging her.

"Shh, Casey, it's okay. It's okay. I promise it's okay."

Everything inside her is telling her to fight it, that any type of touching is going to bring her pain and misery.

But she doesn't fight Alex off. It's been so long since she's been touched by someone who loves her, someone who means her no harm.

She can feel herself relaxing as she is lulled to sleep by the sedative in her veins.

 **What did you think? I will say it's definitely going to be a hard recovery for Casey, emotionally and physically. Any predictions?**


	13. Chapter 13

Casey has been in the psych wing of the hospital for three days of her ten day hold, following a week stay in the ICU while she recovered from her pneumonia.

She recovered well, despite a nasty cough still lingering. The antibiotic did its job quickly and efficiently

She still refuses to talk to anyone. Aside from the few words she said to Alex and the screaming about Charlie, she hasn't uttered a word to anyone.

The hospital psychiatrist comes to see her three times a day, always speaking to her alone. Casey rolls into a ball under her thick hospital blanket and grips her pillow, always remaining silent. She couldn't even bring herself to look at the doctor who was meant to help her.

They had done surgery on her hand before transferring her; re-breaking it and setting it so it would heal correctly. It was now in a thick plaster cast.

Any time the staff comes in to talk to Casey, she balls up and hides under her blankets.

Alex visits regularly, and she is the only person Casey doesn't hide from. She doesn't talk to her, but listens as she talks and doesn't hide under the blankets or tense up.

Olivia and Amanda had visited, and even them Casey wouldn't look at or speak to. She didn't hide, but she stared past them as if they weren't there and didn't utter a word to either of them.

Alex desperately wants to know what Casey went through, besides the obvious. How she obtained her various injuries and in what new ways she should hate Charlie.

But she never pushes Casey to talk about it. She never even asks her. Her visits with Casey are always positive, where she usually brings her coffee or a slushie and talks to her about things she likes, things that may get her mind off what happened to her.

She knows that Casey will open up to her in time. Whether that be days, or months, or even years - she would be there for her.

Alex hates that Casey is heavily medicated. It's necessary to keep her from reacting violently to nurses or doctors who have to tend to her hand, but after three days of seeing her friend be drugged time and time again, Alex has had enough.

"This isn't helping her," Alex tells a nurse as yet another sedative is put into Casey. "You can't just keep doing this to her. Of course she isn't going to talk to anyone if you keep her so drugged up she can only sleep."

"I'm sorry, Miss Cabot, but these are my orders. She has shown violence, and for her safety and ours, she needs to be sedated."

"Because she thinks you're going to hurt her," Alex says, as if it should be obvious. "Have you tried talking to her calmly instead of just shooting her up with the drugs?"

Alex is so glad this hold is almost over.

It's only a ten day hold because as of right now Casey is uninsured.

Alex would have opened her checkbook and paid for whatever Casey needed to keep her there if she thought it would help. But she's almost certain that being home would be much better for Casey.

The police have tried to talk to her three times. She refused to cooperate all three times, the last ending with Casey screaming and carrying on and Alex basically kicking them out of her room and having words with detective Stevens in the hallway.

Alex is smart enough to know that if Casey keeps this up, uninsured or not, she may not have any say at all on where Casey goes.

Right before Alex heads home on the evening of the third night, she goes to the hospital cafeteria and gets Casey some soda and cookies. She hasn't been eating much because of the condition of her mouth, and Alex is sure she hospital food leaves something to be desired anyway. She figures cookies and soda will be a nice treat for her. She probably hasn't had anything like that to eat in so long.

Casey has lost so much weight that Alex is sure she is a size smaller than herself now. She brought in some of her clothes for Casey to wear when she's ready to leave the hospital, having no doubt she will be able to wear them.

Alex finds it ironic that literally while she was donating Casey's clothes, Casey was found.

As Alex approaches Casey's room, she hears an angry voice and recognizes immediately.

"I said I don't want you to!"

Alex steps into the room just as Casey is screaming at her latest nurse to leave her alone and not touch her.

"What's going on?" Alex asks casually, setting down the bag of cookies and foam cup of soda on the tray next to Casey's bed.

"I've been instructed to do an internal exam," the nurse states, turning to Alex. "She has a lot of damage to her internal tissue and won't tell us what happened. A plastic surgeon is going to be doing a consult."

Alex knows exactly what she means by "internal tissue" and her stomach does a flip flop.

"If she doesn't consent to it you can't do it," Alex says, standing by the side of Casey's bed protectively.

The nurse reaches out for Alex's arm and asks her if they can speak in the hallway. Alex tells Casey she will be right back and follows her just outside the door.

"I'm well aware that this is the last thing she needs right now," the nurse says, keeping her voice low and level, making eye contact with Alex. "As you know, she was repeatedly sexually assaulted. What little bit we were able to exam her, it appears she has scarring internally, the same type of scarring you would see on a burn victim."

Alex feels like she's going to throw up. "You think - she was burned?"

"We don't know. Which is why we need to exam her. Now, I need to ask you for help. Can you keep her calm and convince her to allow me to proceed with the exam? Or should we sedate her again?"

Alex hates how the solution for everything is just to sedate her. They don't know how to handle her - just shoot her with a tranquilizer so then she cooperates. It's not much different than what Charlie did to her, and Alex doesn't like it.

Alex sighs. "I'll try. Let me go in alone first."

The nurse nods and Alex slips back into Casey's room with an easy smile.

Casey looks away from Alex quickly, as if embarrassed.

Alex sits down. "Hey. I know this is scary, but they really have to examine you. I know you don't feel comfortable. But how about if I sit here with you? Talk to you while they examine you? Would that make you feel better?"

Alex is talking to Casey like she's a baby, and Casey narrows her eyes at her. "No. I don't want anyone to look at me there."

"I can understand. Really. But you - "

"I said no, Alex!"

When the nurse comes back into the room Alex waves her away. "This isn't a good time. Please. She doesn't want to be examined right now."

"I'm sorry, Miss Cabot. But she needs to be examined fully so she can be accessed and we can make sure she's being fully treated during her hold."

The next few minutes make Alex feel like she's betraying Casey. The nurse apporpacss Casey and instead of kicking and thrashing as expected, her eyes well with tears and she locks eyes with the nurse and actually pleads with her. "Please. Don't."

Alex realizes that Casey is somewhere else right now. She's not sitting in the hospital bed. She's back in that cellar, at the mercy of Charlie. She's locked in her own head.

"Okay," Alex says sternly. She literally stands between the nurse and the hospital bed. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let you do this. It can wait."

"I completely sympathize, Miss Cabot, but I'm afraid it can't wait. And I'm afraid you have no say in the matter."

Even though the nurse is using a kind, gentle tone, it still rattles Alex. "Maybe I don't have a legal say, but she's my best friend and I have her best interests at heart. And Casey has a say, and she says no."

But unfortunately Alex is on the losing end of the battle and despite her protests, they still insist on examining Casey and a doctor who had come into the room to try and calm the situation threatens to call security on Alex.

Alex knows that would only make things worse. Casey is already terrified, and seeing Alex escorted out by security would probably push her over the edge.

So instead Alex swallows her pride and accepts that she is not going to get her way this time. Casey is going to be examined for her own good, and treated as necessary.

"Casey," Alex says softly, walking back up to Casey's bed and addressing her as if she were a child. "They have to examine you. I'm sorry, but there's no choice."

Instead of screaming or carrying on, Casey turns her head to the side and squeezes her eyes closed, crying softly.

"I'm going to stay right here," Alex says, choking back her own tears. "Okay? I won't leave you alone."

Alex turns her attention to the nurse who is patiently waiting with a smile and the slightly irritated older male doctor. She wears her most serious expression as she says, "Absolutely no men. Please get a female doctor."

Thankfully they do oblige and though it takes some time, finally Dr. Nichols, a friendly spunky young doctor, comes to take care of Casey.

She's been briefed on what's going on and works very gently on Casey. It's clear that Casey is not comfortable at all, and she refuses to open her eyes. She hasn't stopped crying and Alex can't help but feel a pang of guilt that this is happening to her friend.

Casey won't let Alex touch her but Alex doesn't leave her side during the exam. She talks about stupid stuff, about things she saw on TV recently, and how she had given Casey's rabbit to Amanda's daughter, Jessie.

"We don't normally let anyone who isn't family be present for this," Dr. Nichols says. "But I think it's best that you're here."

"Well, I am family," Alex says without hesitation. "And I appreciate it."

As soon as the exam is complete, Casey completely withdraws herself under her blanket. She's scared and embarrassed and Alex doesn't even try to prod her to come out

Instead she sits there helplessly and watches the blanket shake as Casey cries.

2.

Alex has just started moving the bed frame around in the guest bedroom when someone rings her doorbell. Sighing, she tosses her hair over her shoulder and leaves the room, heading for the front door.

She looks at the small security monitor by the door and is surprised to see Olivia standing on her porch.

Her heart rate picks up. Maybe they caught Charlie!

Alex pulls the door open and Olivia greets her with a smile. "Alex. How are you?"

"Fine," Alex answers quickly, caught a little off guard. "What brings you here?"

Her tone comes out colder than she wants it to, but Olivia seems to have been expecting it. "I came to see how you were doing and ask if you needed any help with anything."

Alex had been so accustomed to doing everything by herself these past few years. Having help is a foreign concept to her. She's always been independent, always been the last person to ask for help or accept it.

She motions for Olivia to come inside. "I'm just getting the guest room ready for Casey. I've kind of been using it for storage for a couple years. But you can come in."

Olivia enters and stands awkwardly in the house that she called home just a few years ago.

Olivia takes a look around. Everything is much the same, as Alex doesn't change decor often. The house is neat and tidy as always and everything matches and looks as if it's just been prepped for a catalog shoot.

She wordlessly follows Alex down the hall to the guest room where she watches Alex drag a bed frame to the other side of the room as if she wasn't there.

"The mattress was supposed to be delivered yesterday but there was some kind of delay with the freight carrier and now it won't be here until Friday," Alex says with a frown. "So I'll probably have to let Casey have my room until then."

The guest room looks a lot different than when Olivia saw it last. The dresser and nightstand is the same, but Alex has a bag of new bedding sitting nearby, the carpet is new, and there's a TV mounted on the wall.

Alex sees Olivia looking at the TV. "I don't expect it to stay up. I did it myself."

Olivia looks at Alex in amazement. "You mounted that TV by yourself?"

"It wasn't that hard. TVs are so light now and YouTube has so many how-to videos. I just had to go buy the hardware."

"You used to hate hardware stores," Olivia muses.

"Well I've been spending quite a bit of time and money in them recently, actually," Alex says.

"Being retired suiting you?"

Alex shrugs. "I didn't really retire. I resigned. And I've been keeping busy."

She doesn't know why she doesn't tell her about her plans to open a shelter, or how she's spent the years volunteering to help those in need.

"Any word on Charlie?" Alex changes the subject, her voice dripping with hate as she says his name.

Olivia's face falls. "No. But I promise you we will find him."

"Sure," is all Alex says. "And Casey will get justice, right? Isn't that what we used to tell victims?"

Olivia stares hard at her. "It's what I still tell them. Because it's true."

"There's only one kind of justice that man deserves and it's not the kind he's going to get in any courtroom."

Olivia hesitates. Then she says, "I can understand why you feel that way."

Alex shakes her head. "No, you can't. You really can't. You haven't been with Casey every day since she's been brought back. You haven't seen her scream and cry when anyone touches her because she's so used to being hurt. You haven't seen her be sedated time and time again, and wet the bed because she's so terrified of everything. You haven't seen her drop her cup of water and start apologizing and crying because she fears she is going to be punished." Her voice starts to break but she continues. "You didn't sit next to her while she looked at herself in a mirror and cried about a scar on her face. And I can guarantee you that you have no idea how deeply guilty I feel about this all."

"I know. And that's why I came by. Because I know this isn't easy on you, and I was worried. And what you need to know, Alex, is that Casey isn't the same girl she was before. You can't just bring her here and expect to watch movies and braid each other's hair and eat popcorn and expect things to be normal."

Alex glares at Olivia. "Do you think I'm an idiot? You think I haven't thought about what having her here is going to be like, for me and for her? That I don't know how fragile she is right now?"

"She needs help, Alex. And I know you. You're going to try and help her in ways that you're not equipped to." Olivia remains calm, despite how upset Alex is becoming. "She needs therapy. She needs medication. She needs - "

"I will make sure she gets therapy, even if it means having someone come to the house to talk to her. And she's getting an antidepressant and anxiety medication that she has to continue. I've already been talked to extensively about this, Olivia. I know what to expect. I've been there. God knows not to the extent that she is, but I know trauma and fear and pain," Alex answers quickly.

"When is Casey getting out?" Olivia asks.

"She'll be out of the hospital tomorrow."

Olivia's brown eyes bore into hers. "Are you sure you should take this on?"

Alex frowns, not even trying to hide her annoyance. "Take what on?"

"Casey staying with you. I spoke to the psychiatrist. She's not good, Alex. He thinks she should go to a treatment center. I'm concerned about you both."

"You wouldn't be in a good place either if you held prisoner and raped and tortured every day for four years," Alex snaps.

"Alex - "

Alex turns away from her, walking towards the refrigerator. "You gave up your right to judge me three years ago when you walked out of my life."

Bitterness is hanging in the air, and it stings Olivia but doesn't dissuade her from saying her piece. "I'm not trying to be judgemental. I'm just concerned. And I had to leave for my sake, Alex. I couldn't do it anymore."

"And what about my sake? My best friend was missing and it was my fault. You think I didn't need someone?"

"You wouldn't let me be there for you. All you did was blame yourself. You were obsessed with finding Casey and it destroyed your life."

"Not as badly as it destroyed hers."

"Alex, you have to listen to professionals. Everyone just wants to help Casey."

Alex leans against the wall with her back, crossing her arms in front of her chest and staring Olivia down. "I'm well aware of what the doctor thinks. That won't help her, Liv. All they will do is pump her full of drugs until she can't feel. You forget, I have experience with trauma. The difference is I was alone to deal with mine when I was dropped in Wisconsin. Casey isn't alone."

Olivia sits in the nearby chair that Alex had brought into the room. She didn't come here to fight, but Alex's combative attitude is already exhausting her. "I just know how you were when she was missing. How it destroyed you. Having her here might be worse."

"I really don't care about myself right now," Alex says. "That's the least of my concerns."

"But you should," Olivia tells her. "I don't want to watch you self-destruct again."

Alex shrugs. "Then don't. I didn't invite you here, Liv; you came on your own. I didn't ask you for help and I never will."

Olivia gets out of her seat and goes to embrace the blonde, but Alex shakes her head and holds up her hand. "Just - don't."

Olivia freezes where she's standing, looking at Alex. "I'm sorry. You looked like you could use a hug."

Alex stares hard at her. "Why are you doing this? I see you a handful of times in three years, after you left and broke my heart. And now you think you can just walk back into my life, just like that?"

"Alex, I wasn't trying to -"

"Save it," Alex spits out, effectively cutting Olivia off. "I have to focus on Casey right now. She needs me."

Olivia sits back down, and after a moment says, "I'm glad she's alive."

For some reason, this makes Alex laugh out loud. Not because she thinks it's funny; but because she finds the statement so ridiculous.

"No thanks to you."

Alex knows she shouldn't be cruel. An expression of hurt crosses Olivia's face and Alex almost relents, but she can't. As much guilt as she harbors herself, deep down she also blames Olivia.

Olivia sighs and says nothing as Alex leans against the counter again with her back. "You didn't believe me, Olivia. I knew Charlie was responsible. I knew. And you didn't try hard enough."

Olivia doesn't hesitate a beat. "what did you expect me to do? He passed the polygraph, his apartment had been searched, his mother's property had been searched -"

"And she was right there under their noses when they were searching it," Alex interjects. "Officers, detectives trained to thoroughly search. And they missed her. You missed her. You could have listened to my intuition and done something. You could have tried harder. I know you didn't like Casey, but god, Olivia, you shouldn't have given up!"

"I liked Casey just fine, and you of all people know I did everything I could do within the law to find Casey. There was nothing more I or anyone else could have done."

"Fuck the law," Alex spits out, so venomously that Olivia takes a step back. "She suffered for four years because of the damn law! We could have saved her, Olivia! We could have spared her from...from…all that torture!"

Alex is getting worked up now, and angrily dabs her cheeks with her sleeve, trying to absorb the tears.

"They had to do an internal exam while I was there with her. You didn't see her. She was right back there with Charlie while it was going on, and it broke my heart. And after it was over, the doctor told me she had scar tissue as if she had been burned and there is permanent damage. That bastard did that to to her! And he broke her ribs repeatedly, and her hand, and she has scars all over her legs, arms and back. They think she was shot in the leg. She had to endure all that alone because we didn't try hard enough."

Olivia had already known the extent of Casey's injuries, but hearing Alex relay them to her broke her deep inside. She starts crying, despite all her efforts not to.

Alex wipes her eyes again, showing no emotion to Olivia crying as well.

"You would have tried harder if it had been Elliot. Wouldn't you?" Alex demands.

Olivia looks away from her, staring at the wall. Even though it's been years, Olivia still feels sad inside anytime mentions her former best friend. Her relationship with him had been much like Alex's relationship with Casey.

"That's not fair," she finally says.

Alex shrugs. "Life isn't." She steps away from the wall. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to finish setting up the room."

Olivia's voice calling Alex's name stops her in her tracks. She turns around to face Olivia, her eyes shining with tears. "Just go. I don't want to see you right now. You hurt me, and you hurt Casey, and I can't forgive you."

A tear slides down Olivia's cheek as Alex continues.

"I'm glad you found happiness in your life with your son, but I can't be part of your life anymore. Now all I see when I look at you is the person who should have believed me most, and didn't. And it still hurts."

Olivia still remains silent, her watery eyes on Alex no. Alex can see remorse and hurt in her eyes too, but at the moment she can't be concerned with it.

"So I need you to leave, because I can't have this hurt right now. I can't. I won't forgive you, Olivia. So go - back to your apartment, or the precinct, or anywhere that's not here."

Tears are rolling down Alex's cheek unashamedly now as she quickly exits the guest room.

 **What do you think? how will it go when Casey gets out?**


	14. Chapter 14

"You ready?" Alex asks gently from the doorway where she has been watching Casey just sit on the bed staring at the wall for the last five minutes.

Casey jumps at her words and her eyes go wide, but she visibly relaxes when she sees that it's just Alex that has stepped into the room.

Casey is wearing the jeans and hoodie that Alex brought for her, playing with the drawstring of the hoodie nervously. "Yeah," she says softly, without even looking at Alex.

Alex stands by the bed awkwardly, not sure what to say or do as it takes Casey a moment to get moving.

The awkwardness between them is strange and unwelcome. Alex always felt comfortable around Casey, and Casey always felt like herself around Alex.

Casey finally slides off the bed, shoving her hands into the hoodie kangaroo pockets. She barely glances up at Alex and nods, indicating that she's ready to go.

Alex gives her a smile and leads the way out of the room and into the hallway. She waves at the team of nurses she's come to know these past couple of weeks.

Casey keeps her head down, her hands still in the pockets of her hoodie. Her casted hand barely fits but she forces it anyway.

Her limp is pretty noticeable but Alex doesn't mention it. Instead she stays cheerful as they get on the elevator. "I have the guest room all set up for you. You know the one; you've slept in it before."

A man gets into the elevator and smiles brightly at Alex and Casey. Casey feels a cold shiver go through her as she looks at him, and she instinctively grabs Alex's arm and holds on tight, stepping as far to the side as she can and trying to shrink against the metal wall and disappear.

"It's okay," Alex says in a whisper, offering the redhead a reassuring smile. "You're not alone. It's okay."

Casey is terrified and Alex's words do little to calm her. She squeezes Alex's arm tightly and only releases it when the man gets off on the next floor.

Alex turns her attention to Casey, being careful not to touch her as she knows that will just make things worse. "Hey. Deep breath. Look at me. You're okay."

At that moment the elevator doors open on the next floor, and a small group of people are waiting to get on. This only serves to make Casey's anxiety worse, and Alex holds up to a hand to stop them from entering.

Casey is now sitting in a ball in the back of the elevator, crying. "I - I'm sorry….I thought - I thought - "

The sight of Alex's once strong best friend breaking down breaks her heart, and Alex sits on the elevator floor with her. She doesn't even care that they have an audience. She's going to do whatever she has to do to get Casey through this.

"You don't need to apologize for anything, okay? You did nothing wrong," Alex says gently.

Casey has her head resting on her knees, sucking in deep breaths so hard she's shaking. "I - I'm having a heart attack!"

"No, you're not. It's a panic attack. I know it's scary, but I promise you that you're okay. I'm here for you, I won't leave. I need you to take some deep breaths for me and focus on my voice, okay?"

One of the onlookers had run to get a nurse, and she pokes her head inside the elevator, concerned. "What's going on?"

Alex stands just long enough to say "we're fine here, thanks," and presses the door close button so they will have some privacy.

Casey does as Alex instructs her, and after a few minutes, she feels her heart rate returning to normal. The constriction in her chest lessens and as Alex talks softly to her, Casey slowly nods and begins to calm down.

Alex keeps talking to her to keep her calm and connected to the moment and when the elevator door opens again, Casey stands and keeps a hold on Alex's arm as they walk towards the exit.

They get to the car without further incident, which Alex is thankful for. When Alex gets inside the car, Casey asks her to lock the doors.

Casey is looking around the parking lot nervously, as if she expects Charlie to appear at any moment.

Maybe she does.

"We're going to stop at the pharmacy and get the pain meds for your hand before we go home," Alex says as she pulls out of the hospital driveway.

Casey has her head against the cold passenger window, her breath fogging it up. "I don't need it. I just want to go home. Please."

Alex has more sense than to argue with her and can more than understand why Casey is anxious to just get home.

Alex is at a loss for what to stay, so she stays silent and keeps her eyes on the road. Casey looks at her while she is driving and for the first time realizes she isn't wearing a ring.

"Are you and Liv not married anymore?" she asks.

Alex looks at her briefly before training her eyes back on the road. She is surprised by the question. Casey hasn't initiated a conversation until now.

"We broke up before we got married. After you were gone, things were just…hard."

Casey looks away, as if she was ashamed. She always thought about her friends being married and having a great life. They had been so in love.

Thinking about them being happy was one of the only things that got her through all the hard times. And now knowing they weren't together just makes her sad.

Casey knows it's her fault. If she hadn't gone out running that night, none of this would have happened. Alex and Casey would be married and would have a great life.

At the next red light, Alex looks at Casey again. "I tried so hard, Case. I really did. I'm so sorry for what you went through. So, so sorry."

When Casey meets her eyes she has to look away. She sees tears in Alex's eyes and she can't stand to see them and know she is the cause.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. Please," Casey says with her eyes closed.

"I know, and I really didn't mean to bring it up, I just - " Alex searches for the right words. "I just couldn't let any more time go by without telling you."

Casey begins playing with the drawstring on the hoodie again, keeping her eyes straight ahead. "Light is green," is all she says.

The rest of the ride is in silence until they reach Alex's driveway.

"Charlie will find me here."

Alex turns her head and looks at Casey. "No. He won't. Every cop in the state is looking for him. He will be caught. I have a security system. You will be safe here, Casey."

Casey looks at her casted hand. It does hurt, but nothing compared to the pain she endured at the hands of Charlie. "He hit it with a hammer."

Alex opens the garage and parks the car. "What?"

"My hand," Casey repeats. "He hit it with a hammer when I wouldn't take my clothes off. That's how it was broken."

Alex wants to scream. She grips the steering wheel tightly and has to take a deep breath herself to keep from crying. She feels the tears pushing at her eyes but she blinks them back. "I'm so fucking sorry, Casey."

Casey just looks at her and nods before slowly opening the door and getting out of the car.

This time it's Alex who has to gather herself and calm herself down before she can get out of the car.

What Casey had told her really shook her. She had known Charlie was responsible for her hand and her other injuries, but to hear it come from Casey like that was just heartbreaking.

 _Pull yourself together. Casey needs you to be strong. You've been strong all this time. Don't break now. If you break there's no one else to help her. You are responsible for what happened to her, now it's your responsibility to help her heal from it._

When she finally gets out of the car she finds Casey standing by the door like a stranger. Years ago she would have just used her key and went inside and made herself at home. She was always coming over, whether or not Alex was home.

Alex's hands are shaking so she fumbles with her keys just long enough for Casey to notice. Their eyes meet but Casey can't hold her gaze more than a few seconds before she has to look away in shame.

Alex leads the way inside and Casey follows like an obedient dog. It's clear she is not comfortable but knows she has no choice but to follow Alex.

Alex is trying to be as normal as possible and hangs her coat on the rack by the door. When she turns around she finds Casey just standing by the kitchen table like she's never been in a house before. She's looking around like a lost child who is seeing everything for the first time .

Alex's house isn't much different than it was four years ago but to Casey it may as well have been ten years. She knows she used to feel at home here. She can remember all the times she spent with Alex and Olivia, all the laughter and holidays together, right in this house.

But she doesn't belong here anymore, and standing in Alex's very well kept kitchen is overwhelming.

"You can sit down," Alex says, as if Casey needs permission to do so.

But Casey stays standing where she is and instead looks around. "Can you make sure your security system is set?"

"It is. I promise."

"Can you make sure?"

Casey feels like an idiot; a complete and total.childish idiot. But right now, knowing that the house is secure and no one can get inside is the most important thing in the world to her.

Alex smiles, deciding to indulge Casey. "Yes. I'll go check now."

As soon as Alex leaves the room, Casey does sit down at the table. She feels her heartbeat picking up and covers her face with her hands, trying to keep herself calm.

A few minutes later when hears Alex's voice call her name and she lifts her head.

"I checked and double checked. We're good."

"Thank you," Casey says, not able to look at her.

Alex sits down across drink her at the table.she knows she should say something but has no idea what. For the first time in her life she has no clue how to handle a situation.

The hospital had sent home a month supply of Casey's antidepressant and anxiety meds, and Alex hopes it's not going to be a fight to get her to take them.

"Are you hungry? I could order pizza," Alex suggests.

Casey would love nothing more than eating pizza with her best friend, the way that they used to. She hadn't had pizza in four years. It would be absolutely bliss.

But there's no way she can sit at the table and eat with Alex right now. She doesn't feel comfortable enough.

She knows that Alex feels sorry for her. And pity is something she hates for anyone to have for her.

"I really just want to shower and go to sleep."

"Of course. Let me make sure there are clean towels."

Alex goes into the adjoining bathrooms off the guest room. Not to check for clean towels - she knows it's fully stocked. But to make sure there's nothing in there that shouldn't be.

The hospital psychiatrist didn't think that Casey was suicidal, but Alex isn't taking any chances. She's suddenly nervous about the pack of razors that's in the vanity drawer. She opens the drawer and her hand hovers over the unopened package, her mind undecided as to what she should do.

 _She's probably going to want to shave. I can't take them away. She wouldn't do anything like that...would she?_

In the end Alex decides to leave them be. With a deep breath she exits the bathroom, hoping she doesn't regret it.

She's surprised to see Casey at the dresser in the guest room when she comes out of the bathroom.

"I still had some of your clothes," Alex says, as Casey obviously discovered herself when she opened the drawers and closet. "I kept most of your stuff in storage. But I did donate a lot of your clothes to a shelter I was volunteering at. I hope that's okay."

Casey says nothing, just takes out some undergarments from the drawer and goes to the closet. Halfway there she turns around and nods at Alex.

Alex clears her throat. "Anyway, there are some of my jeans and shirts in the closet and if you need anything else, just let me know."

Casey continues to get clothes and Alex stands by the dresser a little too long. She knows she should say something but has no idea what.

Alex takes this as her cue to leave. Casey knows she's available if she needs anything. There's no reason for Alex to hover about. She gets her a plastic bag to wrap around her cast and just as she's leaving the guest room, she remembers something.

"I got you a phone," she nods at the bedside table, where an iPhone box is sitting. "I couldn't get your old number; I'm sorry. But I programmed in my number and some others you should have. I'll leave you alone now."

Alex then leaves the room, shutting the door behind her.

Casey goes and sits down on the bed, putting the clothes beside her. It's overwhelming being here and having Alex walk on eggshells around her.

She looks around the room. The mattress feels soft underneath her, the room is comfortably warm and a nice TV is mounted on the wall. These are things she hasn't known in four years.

She doesn't know how long she sits there on the bed lost in her own head, but finally she grabs the phone from off the nightstand.

The box is open. Casey takes the phone out carefully. Four years is a very long time for the iPhone to evolve. The screen goes all the way to the edge now, and it's huge. Casey can see the the phone has a screen protector on it already and a blue case is sitting nearby.

Holding a phone in her hand again feels strange. It was the one thing that could have saved her before. If she hadn't left her phone at home charging when she went jogging she could have called for help, or they could have tracked her.

She doesn't turn the phone on right now. Instead she goes in the bathroom to get ready for her shower.

The bathroom seems small and makes her feel uneasy, so she quickly locks the door and leans on the sink, staring at herself in the mirror and breathing hard.

She looks like hell. She's lost a lot of weight so her face is gaunt and she has bags under her eyes. Her hair is much too long and tangled and messy.

The scar is still there, prominently across her cheek. She runs her finger over it and starts to softly cry.

 _I look so ugly. Charlie is the only person who will ever find me attractive._

It takes her a half hour to work up the courage to take her clothes off. She is careful not to look at herself in the mirror now; she doesn't want to see all the marks that Charlie left on her body.

She's happy to see that there's soap and shampoo already in the bathroom so she doesn't have to ask Alex for any of it. Alex is always overly prepared for everything.

She turns the water on, almost jumping at the sound it makes when it hits the tiled shower floor. The sound of a shower running used to be one of Casey's favorite sounds. But after four years of washing from a bucket, it's foreign and strange.

She adjusts the temperature and ties the plastic bag around her cast before sliding the shower door open enough to step inside.

It's so strange. It's like she has to re learn to do everything she did before. Her movements are sluggish and she drops the soap several times as she is lathering herself up.

She washes hard and fast. As she watches the soap and shampoo rinse off her and swirl down the drain, she feels like she's washing Charlie off herself. All his touches are being washed down the drain, all the tears she cried.

Being clean should be a good feeling; it should be liberating. But instead Casey scrubs herself harder in the places that are already clean, her breathing becoming rapid.

She feels like she can't get all of him off. There are scars, permanent injuries that keep him on her body forever. She scrubs frantically at her back where she knows there are scars from being whipped, and her forearm where he used to caress her.

No matter how much she washes she still feels disgusting and violated.

She has scrubbed her arm so hard that her nails have made it bleed. She has deep ugly nail marks all down the soft skin of her inner arm, the blood disappearing as the pressure of the shower hits her skin.

 _Still dirty. Still dirty. Can't get him off._

She can feel Charlie's hands on her body; all the places he touched her in the past four years feeling like they are on fire.

She slides down the wet shower wall with her back until she's in a ball, struggling to calm herself and catch her breath.

Her arm burns where she's scratched herself raw, and the hot water hitting her back reminds her how vulnerable she is.

She cries, her entire body shaking as she's wracked with sobs. She wraps her arms around her knees, resting her head on them and allowing herself to give in to her emotions.

She hears a knock at the door and someone calling her name, and her head shoots up in a panic.

 _It's Charlie. He's going to be so angry that I washed...it wasn't my day to wash. He's not good to feed me tonight because I didn't listen._

Casey hears the sound of the door lock turning and stiffens, wrapping her arms tighter around her knees and bracing to be hit or kicked.

The water is turned off and a towel is tossed over Casey.

"Oh no, Casey, what did you do to yourself?"

The voice isn't Charlie's; it's Alex. She raises her head to see the blonde dabbing at her arm with a washcloth.

Blood is soaking the washcloth, and Casey becomes scared that she's about to be punished. She pulls the towel around herself so Alex can't see her battered body and starts to cry again.

"I - I'm so sorry! I couldn't get clean…" Casey says, hiccuping with sobs.

Alex quickly gets up and opens the medicine cabinet. She returns with a small tube of ointment and some gauze wrap.

Silently, Alex applies the ointment on Casey's srm. Casey flinches and looks away, expecting the injury to be made worse.

But when she sees Alex carefully wrapping the gauze around her arm, she starts to relax.

She isn't used to touches that are meant to help her.

Alex meets her eyes and smiles. "You're okay. I'm not going to hurt you."

Casey feels so ashamed at being frightened that Alex would her. Alex has always been a sister to her and knows she's least likely to hurt her out of everyone she knows. The logical part of her knows this. But the other part of her is still afraid nonetheless.

Alex remains perfectly calm and collected, and her demeanor does serve to calm Casey. She can feel her heartbeat returning to normal slowly.

"I could still feel him on me," Casey says tearfully. "I could never get clean when I was with him. I had to wash from a bucket with a dirty towel that smelled like him." Her body shakes with her tears again. "I can still feel his hands...can still smell him...he's still on my body, Alex!"

"Hey," Alex says sternly. "Listen to me. You're clean. He will never be on your body ever again. Do you smell the vanilla? I know it's your favorite, and it's your smell now. It's all you will ever feel or smell on your body. No one will ever touch you without your permission. Your body is going to heal, Casey, and it will never be touched in a way to hurt you ever again."

Alex's words are nice. Casey would love to believe them. But she still feels him, and she thinks she always will.

After a few minutes, Alex stands. "Can I help you up?"

Casey shakes her head, making sure her towel is secure around her. She doesn't want Alex to see what he's done to her. "No. I can manage."

Casey struggles to stand, holding the towel with her uninjured hand. Alex looks away from her and heads towards the door. "I'm going to be in the living room. If you need help with anything, let me know, okay?"

Casey nods and Alex slips out after offering her another reassuring smile.

Casey looks at herself in the mirror again. She looks just as bad as before, except this time her hair is wet and stringy and her cheeks are red and puffy from her break down.

She doesn't recognize the woman staring back at her. Her eyes are dull, dead and defeated. She's broken inside and doubts she will ever be whole again.

The woman she admires most in the world, whom she's always considered to be her sister, just saw her break down over a shower.

She isn't sure she can live in the world anymore. She no longer fits in.

Is this what her life is always going to be like?

 **So do you think Alex is ultimately going to help her heal, or do more harm than good?**


	15. Chapter 15

The first night is the hardest for Casey.

For four years she slept on the hard dirt ground, with no pillow.

So the very soft mattress and pillow in Alex's guest room are very foreign to her. The temperature in the room is comfortable without being too warm or too cold, and there's no rattle or hum of an old space heater.

Casey lies on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. She turned the bedside lamp on; the dark frightens her now. She kept hearing Charlie's voice and seeing his face in the darkness.

The room is too quiet. Casey knows there is no way she can sleep. Not without some kind of noise, something for her to focus on.

She becomes more anxious as the time gets by. She has no idea what time it is; she hasn't turned on the phone that Alex got her since before her shower, and there's no clock in the room.

She did her own security check before she laid down in bed. She drew the bamboo blinds on both windows after making sure the windows were locked, she shut and locked the door to the adjoining bathroom, and she locked the bedroom door. Knowing that Alex has a security system is not enough; she has to see for herself that she's safe.

Well, as safe as can be with Charlie still out there somewhere.

She lies there until her nerves get the best of her and she feels her chest tighten again with all her worried thoughts.

How is she going to face tomorrow, or the next day? She doesn't belong here anymore. Or anywhere. She's been gone too long. Where does she fit in anymore? She doesn't have a job, or her own home. Strangers make her afraid, and she can't even look her best friend in the eye. She's constantly afraid. What kind of life does she have?

She gets off the bed and pulls the down comforter onto the floor. She tosses it aside and strips the sheet off. Then she lays down on the carpet, covering herself up with the sheet.

The familiarity is somewhat comforting. She curls herself into a tight ball, squeezing her eyes closed and attempting to focus on anything she can in the horrible silence.

 _"Casey," Charlie says her name in a singsong voice, pulling Casey out of her slumber._

She _sits up, and the guest room she fell asleep in instantly vanishes. The walls change from a calming lavender color to boards and dirt, the one light bulb hanging from the fixture in the ceiling swaying._

Casey _stands. Or at least she tries to. She falls just as quickly as she stands, realizing both of her feet are in shackles this time._

Charlie _laughs, the sound echoing throughout the cellar and hurting Casey's ears._ _"No...I was with Alex. I was at her house!" Casey yells, her voice betraying her and quivering._

 _"It was a dream. I killed Alex. And Olivia. Now you're all alone with no one to care about you." He lowers his face so it's just inches from Casey's. "No one at all."_

Casey _screams, out of pure sorrow and terror._

"Casey. Casey!"

Her name is said again, but it's not Charlie's voice this time. The voice is full of concern and emotion and then Casey pops her eyes open, she's back in Alex's guest room.

Alex is sitting on the floor beside her, worry written all over her face. "I'm sorry if I scared you. You were screaming and when I came in you were thrashing. Were you having a nightmare?"

Casey is instantly embarrassed that Alex has to see her this way. She sits upright, her sheer nightshirt clinging to her sweaty back.

She's still not calm. Her breath is coming in great gasps, and even though Alex isn't sure how Casey is going to react, she places her hand on her back.

Casey turns to the side and vomits all over the floor, and then immediately balls up and braces herself to be punished.

"I - I'm sorry," she squeaks out.

Alex feels her heart clench. "It's okay, Casey. It's me. I'm not upset with you. You're okay."

Casey hears her but her words don't register. How can she not be upset at the mess that Casey made?

"Please don't beat me," Casey begs and Alex wonders how many times she said those words to Charlie, how many times she tried in vain to avoid being hurt.

"Hey," Alex says softly, reaching out and placing a hand on Casey's arm carefully. Casey doesn't flinch or pull away this time. "You're with Alex right now. Not Charlie. He isn't here. And Alex won't hurt you."

Casey still keeps herself in a tight ball, but her breathing begins to even out. Alex doesn't take her hand off her and begins speaking to her again.

"I used to have nightmares too. About being shot. I'd wake up just like this. Scared. But I didn't have anyone to help me through them. You do. You have me. I won't leave you. Not until you're okay."

I'll never be okay again.

About twenty minutes go by, and Casey remains in the same position. Alex keeps her word and just sits right there next to her.

"Can you tell me why you're on the floor and not in the bed? Going to be more comfortable up there "

"I couldn't sleep in the bed," Casey answers simply.

Alex doesn't know exactly how Casey slept the past four years but she can imagine not comfortably. It may take her some time to adjust to sleeping in a bed again.

"Okay," is all Alex says.

"I keep hearing his voice and seeing his face," Casey says, and Alex knows exactly who she is talking about. "It's like he's right here with me. And logically I know he isn't, but I - I'm just afraid. All the time." She forces herself to look at Alex. "I'm even afraid right now - of you. And I know you'd never hurt me, Alex, but just you being here makes me afraid."

Alex knows she should clean up the vomit from the carpet and then go back to bed, but she csnt leave Casey this way. She wouldn't feel right.

"I understand why you're afraid. I really do."

Casey looks at her again. "Really? Then explain it to me, because I don't."

"You went through a traumatic experience. You've been conditioned to be afraid. Your brain has gotten used to it. You can't just turn that off suddenly one day. You have to work through it, and know that you have people who love you, people who are going to be patient and help you."

Casey hears Alex's words, but it does little to make her feel better. She still feels anxious and tense inside, on edge. She's been nervously biting her bottom lip and can now taste blood.

Alex gets up to get some towels and spray carpet cleaner and cleans up the vomit whole Casey sits numb and watches her. She apologizes a dozen times again, still expecting to be punished.

Just as Alex tells her good night and decides to leave her be, Casey's words stop her from leaving the guest room.

"It was my fault."

Alex turns around and stares at Casey. Her voice had been barely above a whisper, but Alex had heard her loud and clear.

"What was your fault?"

"What happened to me."

"God, no," Alex says quickly, angry that Casey would feel that way even for a second. She goes back over and resumes her former spot on the floor. "Why would you even think that?"

"I shouldn't have gone out. It was stupid. I went running at night alone and he got me in the park. He shot me in the leg. It hurt so bad, and was such a shock….I was a coward, Alex. I didn't try hard enough to get away! I let him take me!"

And just like that Casey is crying. Full body wracking sobs. She pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her forehead on them so she doesn't have to look at Alex.

Alex feels her heart break even more. She puts her hand on Casey's back but Casey flinches and pushes her hand away. "No, Casey, it isn't your fault. You should be able to go out running without being afraid. It's not your fault." Alex hears emotion entering her voice. "It's not your fault, Casey, because it's mine."

That causes Casey to lift her head and look at the blonde.

Alex sighs and clears her throat. All the guilt she's felt for four years, kept bottled up inside, has led to this moment.

"I was supposed to come over. Do you remember? You had said you needed to talk to me, and I had promised to be there. And I was going to, Casey, I really was...I was leaving my office. Then Olivia stopped by, and we - " she stops talking and looks away in shame. "And I didn't come over. I didn't even call or text you. I just didn't show up. I chose making out in my office over my best friend. And it's eaten at me every single day, Casey."

Alex is crying freely now, not even trying to stop the tears. Casey is one person she's not afraid to show weakness in front of. The one person she knows won't judge her for it.

"I've blamed myself every day for four years. I became obsessed with finding you. I sabotaged my relationship with Olivia, gave up my career, did nothing but try and fix what I caused. I tried so fucking hard. You have no idea."

But Casey does have an idea. She had seen her at the press conference, and had seen the Facebook page dedicated to finding her. She knew Alex tried. She probably tried harder than she ever has at anything else in her life.

"If I had come over like I said I would, you would never have gone out. We could have stopped Charlie before….before...before any of this happened."

Casey wants to comfort Alex; she needs it. She needs to understand that Casey doesn't blame her and she never has. She wants to say those words, to hug her friend and try and make her feel better.

But she can't. It's like she's forgotten how to be human. She can only sit there in silence and watch Alex fall apart in front of her, absorbing it all inside and adding it to her psychological wreckage.

The one thing she's focusing on is that Alex gave up her career. All those times Alex visited her in the hospital, she never said she wasn't working at the DA's office anymore. Casey assumed she was still district attorney.

She realizes she had caused her to lose such a big piece of herself and wants desperately to ask her what happened.

"I'm sorry," Alex says, wiping her teary face with her sleeve. "I didn't mean to start bawling like that. I just wanted you to know that I tried to find you. I did everything I could. And that I'll never forgive myself for what you went through. Ever."

 _What the hell is the matter with you?! Tell her you don't blame her! It's not fair she's held this inside for so long! It's not fair that she's lived with this guilt! Do something!_

As much as Casey wants to, she can't make herself say anything. The words are there, swirling inside her head, but she can't articulate them.

Alex clears her throat again. "I'm going back to bed. I'll leave you alone now. If you need me, just let me know, ok?"

Casey doesn't move from her position on the floor. She doesn't even get up to lock the door behind Alex.

All she can think about is how her usually strong best friend spent the last four years blaming herself for what happened.

The rest of the night she just lies awake, her mind reeling at the fact that Charlie not only ruined her life - he ruined Alex's as well.

 **I know not much happened in this chapter, but it will. Stay tuned!**


	16. Chapter 16

**sorry it took so long for an update!**

The next few weeks are difficult for Casey and for Alex.

Casey is still sleeping on the floor. A couple of times when Alex had woke at night to use the bathroom, she had found Casey with her quilt asleep on her floor. She'd always be gone in the morning. Alex never mentioned that she knew, not wanting to embarrass her friend.

Casey basically just exists in Alex's home. Alex desperately tries to get her to interact with her, but is continually shut down. Her lack of progress is heartbreaking and disappointing.

Alex had been unable to get Casey to leave the house, even for her therapy appointments. It took some calling around, but eventually Alex was put in touch with a very good therapist who had experience dealing with Casey's type of trauma and was willing to come to the home for the sessions.

Her name is Annie, and the day before her first session with Casey she came to introduce herself to Alex. Alex had liked her right away. She was kind and patient, which Casey needed.

A particularly low point for them both had been the first time that Alex had to leave Casey alone in the house to get groceries.

Casey had had a meltdown, crying and begging Alex not to go, not to leave her alone. It was clear she was frightened and although Alex promised to set the security system before she left, that didn't stop Casey from literally grabbing her wrist and trying to physically stop her from leaving.

Alex had discussed this scenario with Annie before it happened. Her plans to leave Casey alone, and what that was going to mean. She had been told that it would difficult, and to be firm yet caring with Casey. To let her know that it had to be done, extend an invitation for her to join her but yet make it clear that if she didn't, she was going to stay in the house alone.

It was one of the hardest things Alex ever had to do. She had pried Casey's fingers off her arm and left her alone. She could still hear her crying and begging as she walked to the garage and it took everything she had to not relent or call someone to come stay with Casey.

But she had done it, and Casey had survived. She had come back with a couple weeks worth of groceries, mostly things she knew that Casey liked and wanted.

She had also gotten Casey some drawing supplies. Casey always had a talent for drawing and would immerse herself in it as a stress reliever. Lately it seemed all that Casey would do, and in the rare instances that she joined Alex in the living room, she was curled up with a drawing pad on her knee, avoiding eye contact and drawing away.

Alex never asked to see her drawings. They were private for Casey, and she wanted her to show her when she was ready. Whenever that time may be.

Alex pours Annie a glass of apple juice and sits down at the table after her latest session with Casey.

"Is it getting any better at all?" she asks.

"I can't share the details of our sessions, but I will say that Casey is starting to relax on my presence, and that today she did talk to me."

Alex sighs and sits down. "I'm just at a loss. She doesn't talk to me. It's like she's afraid of me. And I understand, I do...but it's still so hard."

"It will be hard for a long time. But I know you and Casey are close. One thing I can share with you is that she said you are like her sister. One thing you can do for her is treat her like Casey. Treat her exactly how you treated her before. Because although she does need support, she also needs you to just be Alex. She needs that familiarity."

Alex nods in understanding. "I can do that. We've always been like sisters. Casey once Facetimed me from a mall dressing room to ask me if a pair of jeans she wanted to buy made her butt look big." Alex laughs lightly at the memory. "That's the kind of person she was. I...really miss that person."

"May I make a suggestion?"

"Of course. I'm willing to listen to anything you may have to offer."

"I know you stays with you right now and am not sure your policy on animals, but do you know anything about therapy dogs?"

"Therapy dogs?" Alex echoes. Her mind had never gone there.

"I've dealt with a lot of patients - especially women - in Casey's condition. She feels a lot of pent up anxiety and fear. What's helped a lot of my patients relax and open up is having a trained therapy dog. It gives them comfort, and a sense of purpose caring for the dog."

"Are they like service dogs?"

"There are fully trained and certified therapy dogs that are considered service dogs, yes. How would you feel about an animal in your home?"

Alex had never been big on animals, but Casey loves them. Especially dogs. She had not been allowed dogs in her apartment but if she had, she knew Casey would have had one.

"I'll do anything that may help her," Alex answers honestly. "I just don't know the logistics on it."

"The dogs come fully certified. I deal with a training facility out of Brooklyn. The dogs are trained to recognize a panic attack or when someone is becoming overwhelmed. The dog then leads them to a quiet place, and often just the dogs presence is enough to be calming."

"Would it be something I would just want to get, or should I ask Casey about it first?"

"I would advise that Casey meet with the dogs and see who she connects with in a couple visits prior. I did mention this idea to her today and she seemed receptive. She seemed excited even. But she's worried about cost. She informed me she doesn't have insurance at the moment "

"What's the cost?"

"It can be up to seventeen thousand. It's cost prohibitive for most, but there are agencies that will help, and if she could get on Medicaid they would cover some of the costs."

Seventeen thousand is a lot of money. A substantial amount. An amount that should be thought about and considered.

But Alex finds herself opening her mouth and saying, "Could you set it up? I'd really like to try it."

Annie seems surprised, but nods in agreement.

Alex is willing to do anything to help Casey, and money means nothing to her. What is a few thousand dollars when it means saving someone's life?

.2

"What are you watching?" Casey asks. She wrings her hands together nervously and stands in front of the chair that she just used to fall into casually.

Alex is so surprised that it takes her a minute to answer. "Oh, Curse of Oak Island. It's interesting. But it's basically just background noise. I'm shopping online for some furniture and decor for the shelter."

After a few minutes, Casey comes to the couch and sits down. She doesn't have her drawing pad with her this time and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Could I see?"

Alex can tell this is really hard for Casey. She had seemed interested when Alex had told her about the halfway house and her intentions to open a women's shelter out of it, but hadn't asked any questions.

Alex remembers Annie's advice - "treat her like Casey".

So Alex smiles and hands Casey the iPad where she has an Ikea site open. "I'm thinking these dressers for the second floor. I already have some for the first."

Casey looks at the selection on the iPad. "They are pretty." She hands the iPad back to Alex. "I know I should have said this earlier, but it's a wonderful thing you're doing. You are an amazing person. That place is going to help so many people."

Alex smiles. "I would love for you to see it. When you're ready, of course."

Casey holds her gaze for just a moment until she has to look away.

"Alex, I know I haven't been easy to be around and I'm sorry. And I am really, really trying. I want you to know that. It's really hard but I'm trying hard every day to be feel normal again. The meds I was on...they made me feel like a zombie."

Alex puts the iPad aside. She's happy Casey is opening up to her. Happier than she's been in a long time. "I know you are trying, Casey. And did you talk to Annie about your meds?"

Casey nods. "She's trying me on a different medication for anxiety."

"Good. I hope it makes a difference. I'll go pick them up for you."

Casey looks away again. "Next week is Thanksgiving. I'd...I'd love to cook us something. Unless you have plans? I'm really grateful to be here, Alex, and I want to show you that."

That sounds fantastic, and Alex can't hide her smile. "I'd love for you to make us something. You know if I attempt to cook, I'd burn the house down. And I don't have any plans."

Casey forces herself to meet Alex's eyes again. Alex can tell she's uncomfortable but can see how much she really is trying. "You can...invite Olivia if you want. And her son you were telling me about. I'm sorry, I don't remember his name."

"Noah," Alex answers quickly. "And I appreciate that, but I don't think it's a good idea. Olivia has her own life now. We are at different places. But you ever want to see her, please let me know and I'll make it happen. She has called to ask about you. So has Amanda. You wouldn't believe how big Jessie is now."

Casey isn't sure what to say. Part of her does want to see her friends, but a bigger part of her feels she isn't ready yet and can't help but feel relieved when Alex says she isn't going to invite Olivia and her son.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, Alex going back to looking at furniture on the iPad. She's trying to act as casually as possible but can feel Casey's eyes on her.

"I was wondering if I could ask your help with something."

"Yeah. Of course. What is it?"

Casey appears nervous, playing with the hem of her hoodie. It's very difficult to ask for help. "I was trying to renew my driver's license online but it's been expired for so long that it said I need to go to Secretary of State and do it in person. I'm...really scared. I know that's ridiculous, but I can't go alone. Would you go with me?"

Alex almost smiles. Casey coming to her and asking for help - and wanting her driver's license - is such a huge step forward.

"Of course I will. Anytime you want to go, you just let me know, okay?"

Then Casey says something that she isn't expecting to hear.

"I should have said this sooner, but I really missed you."

When Alex turns her head to look at Casey, she sees tears shining in her eyes and has to really work hard to keep from crying herself. She's afraid to speak, afraid her voice will quiver and betray her. But Casey needs - and deserves - a response.

"I missed you too, Casey."

Casey nods and looks away, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of the hoodie that Alex gave her, the one she seems to wear every day now. It still hangs off her much too skinny frame.

Alex knows she should say something profound. She needs to take this opportunity to have a heart to heart with Casey. It's a major breakthrough and she needs to act fast before Casey clams up again.

"He, um, he showed me the press conference. On his phone," Casey says quietly, swallowing harshly.

It takes a moment for Alex to register who Casey is talking about. "Charlie?"

She nods. "I know you guys tried. And I saw the Facebook. You still have it up. You've been updating it about my recovery."

"Yeah. I have. I'm sorry - I'll take it down if you want."

"No, you don't have to. I just wanted you to know that I saw it and I know how hard you tried. I know you even offered a reward for me." Casey's voice breaks at this point. "I didn't think I meant that much to anyone."

"You did to me. And you still do. You're my sister, Casey. I don't care that we're not related by blood. There's the family we are born into and the ones we choose. I'll always think of you as my sister, please know that. And I'll do anything for my family."

Casey looks like she is going to say something, but instead she does something that shocks Alex even more than when she initiated a conversation with her.

She leans forward and hugs Alex.

Alex is so taken aback that she doesn't respond right away, but when she does, she hugs Casey back tightly. Close physical contact is extremely hard for Casey and she's trembling while she holds on, but truth be told she doesn't want to let go. It feels good to have someone who cares, someone who isn't going to hurt her every day.

Without realizing it, Casey is crying. Full on, sobbing into Alex's blouse crying. Every emotion possible is hitting her at once, and since she's opened up to Alex, she can't seem to stop.

"I wanted to die," she says into Alex's shoulder. "I wanted to die so many times. It was so awful, Alex "

Alex squeezes her harder. "I'm glad you didn't. I'm so happy to have you here. Charlie will never hurt you again. We're going to find him and he's going to pay. I can promise you."

It's Casey who breaks the embrace after nearly fifteen minutes of silence. It was silly to let it go that long, but Casey needed it and Alex held her tight and didn't let go until Casey started to pull away.

Alex is crying too and is past the point of trying to hide it. "Any time you want to talk about any of it, you know I'm here. I love you, Casey."

Casey knows. She and Alex have always had a sisterly love for each other and she knows that's never changed, despite how difficult she's made the past couple of weeks.

"I'm not ready to tell you everything yet. I'm sorry, Alex, but I can't."

Alex smiles. "That's ok. I'm here for you when you are, okay?"

Casey nods. She wants to tell her, more than anything. But the knowledge of how Alex has changed her life because of her, the guilt of it all - it's too much. Alex already gave her up career and her relationship, which was a huge part of herself. Casey can see the gaping holes in the blonde where those things used to be. She can see how she's different, how life has gotten the best of her.

She caused all that. She can't possibly make Alex live with the knowledge of all the things Charlie did to her.

Casey gets up off the couch. She's shared all she can share for the day and is getting tired and anxious. She shoves her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. "I'm going to go to bed. Thank you - for everything."

Alex nods and tells her good night, and once Casey is out of sight she lets out the breath she didn't even know she was holding in.

She finds herself smiling, despite the tear that makes its way down her cheek.

For the first time in weeks she feels like things may get better after all.

.3

When Alex leaves to go get food for Thanksgiving and pick up Casey's prescription, Casey decides she wants to do something to help out.

Her pulse quickens when she comes out of her room; it's unnerving knowing that she's alone in the house. She feels a panic attack starting to build, but she clutches the countertop in the kitchen and does her exercises that Annie taught her.

She takes a deep breath and keeps telling herself that she's fine, that she's safe. Alex has a top of the line security system, and her cell phone is in her back pocket.

She stands in Alex's kitchen for several minutes calming herself, until she feels her heartbeat returning to normal.

She doesn't think she will ever get used to feeling this way in Alex's house, a place where she used to be so comfortable.

Alex is terrible about cleaning out her refrigerator so Casey takes it upon herself to throw out everything that's expired and she rearranges everything so it makes sense and so they will have room for the food that Alex is going to be bringing home.

Casey is nervous about Thanksgiving. She always spent Thanksgiving with Alex and Olivia before, but this is different. She committed herself to cooking and it's going to be a whole day with Alex, knowing that she pities her and knows that she is damaged now. She's going to have to see that look in Alex's eyes, that "I feel sorry for you" look coupled with her hovering a bit too much.

Casey isn't sure she can handle it, but she's sure going to try.

She tries not to dwell on it and goes to the laundry room to do some laundry. Alex is a great housekeeper and keeps up on the chores so there isn't much else she can do. But she has to do something to feel like she's earning her keep. After all, she doesn't have a job and Alex is letting her stay for free.

She knows she has to go back to work sometime. She doesn't have vast savings like Alex, and she won't tolerate her friend paying for everything for very long.

She can't go back to the DA's office; she already knows that. Mentally, she knows she can't handle it and likely won't be able to for some time, if ever.

She doesn't know what she will do. She can't go out in public; the stress is too much. Her chest constricts and she has panic attacks just thinking about it. Setting foot outside the safety of Alex's house is too much to think about right now.

Casey's hands are shaking as she puts the laundry soap pod in the reservoir of the washer and starts the cycle.

She's working herself up just _thinking_ about everything she can't do anymore.

She tries to put it out of her mind as she busies herself unloading the dishwasher and washes a few pans by hand. She never used the dishwasher at her apartment; she always found washing dishes to be relaxing.

She stands there scrubbing the pan way longer than necessary, letting her mind wander. She scrubs until she's afraid she's going to wear the Teflon coating off and then places the pan in the drying rack on the counter.

She's just wiping her hands when she hears it - a gentle _tap, tap, tap_ on the front door.

It's not loud enough for her to hear had she not been in the kitchen. Her entire body freezes, going ridgid with fear.

It comes again - _tap, tap, tap._ This time louder and purposeful.

She stands frozen in place, fear gripping her and twisting her stomach until she feels like she's going to vomit.

It's probably someone to see Alex. Maybe a friend, or Olivia. Get a grip, Casey. Just see who it is.

Somehow Casey makes her legs move to the living room. They feel like Jell-O and she keeps to the wall, so whomever it is won't see her.

She slides her phone out of her pocket and in her haste she drops it. She picks it up with shaking hands and manages a text to Alex.

 _Someone is at the door._

Casey is close to the door now and she leans against the wall, her chest starting to tighten and her breath hitching in her throat.

She feels the phone vibrate and quickly looks at it.

 _Do you know who it is?_

Casey doesn't compose a reply. Instead she closes her eyes and counts to ten, snd before she even gets to then the tapping turns into a loud knock and Casey cries out, dropping the phone again.

She's so close to the window. You can see the door from the window. All she has to do is look…

She pulls the curtain on the window bsck just as a shadow moves to block her sight.

And she's staring at the grinning face of Charlie.

He raises his hand and knocks on the window. "I know you're there, Casey. I'm so mad at you for getting away. You need to be punished."

Casey's entire body starts to shake and she feels hotness running down her leg. She peed herself, but she doesn't even care. She's beyond terrified at the moment.

Casey can't remember ever being so scared. She backs away from the window slowly, shaking her head, hot tears streaming down her cheeks. Her breath comes in gasps and she feels like she's having a heart attack.

She's vaguely aware of her phone vibrating on the carpeted floor, and then it starts to ring. But she's too far away to answer, nearly to the kitchen.

She goes into a fight or flight mode. She grabs a knife from Alex's knife block, clutching it close to her as if it's a lifeline.

If Charlie gets in she's going to at least have a fighting chance.

She knows she should run to her room and lock herself in it. She would be there.

Another loud knock and Casey's knees buckle in fesr. She's crying hysterically as she slides under the kitchen island, pulling her knees to her chest and rocking herself back and forth.

He's going to get me. He's going to get me. I'm going back to be tortured.

She doesn't know how long she sits there telling herself that but eventually the knocking stops. She's still gripped with fear and doesn't move from under the island.

A short while later she hears the door open and she braces herself for it, pressing her face into her knees and crying harder. Her hand grips the knife so hard that it hurts.

She hears footsteps in the kitchen. Fast and loud. Approaching her.

She's aware of someone kneeling down in front of her. "Casey."

Casey's reaction is instant and driven with fesr. She lurches forward and slashes out with the knife.

Then she hears a gasp, and when she looks up she sees Alex sitting on the floor a few feet away, clutching her bleeding arm.

 **Oh no! What do you think?**


	17. Chapter 17

**So sorry it's been so long. I'm back at writing and will be working on all my stories. Please review!!!**

It takes Casey only a matter of seconds to realize what she's done, and even less time to react.

For a moment she forgets her fear and acts totally on instinct. The only thing on her mind is taking care of Alex's arm.

"Alex!" she rushes out, getting to her feet quickly. She's trembling as she grabs Alex's arm. The cut is deep and it's bleeding profusely; she's going to need stitches.

Casey says "sorry" over and over again to Alex as she grabs a clean dish rag and tries to wrap it around Alex's arm, but her hands are shaking too badly and she ends up dropping it.

"Casey, calm down," Alex says softly, picking up the dish towel and holding it to her arm. "I'm okay. I know you didn't mean it. It's okay."

Casey is crying as she tries again to help Alex's arm, shaking her head. She feels light headed and confused, and starts to feel the onset of a panic attack.

She reaches for Alex's arm again and starts to hyperventilate, Alex telling her over and over again that it's okay.

"I called the police when you didn't answer the phone. They should be here any moment. Who was at the door, Casey?"

Casey looks at her, her eyes a mixture of fear and anger. Her mind instantly goes back to Charlie being outside, Charlie speaking her name. Her body starts to shake again and she lets out a cry, backing up away from Alex until her back hits the door frame.

She can't breathe. Her chest is so tight it's going to suffocate her, and she drops to the floor, clutching her chest and crying.

Alex is at her side in an instant, but Casey doesn't want to be touched right now. She can't be touched.

"Casey - deep breaths. You're okay," Alex keeps repeating. "Remember where you are. You're okay."

Casey does as she's told, closing her eyes and squeezing her fists into balls. She tries to steady her breathing but her hot tears keep coming.

"You're okay, Casey. You're with Alex. You're safe."

It takes several moments before Casey can get any words out. And when she finally can, she hears sirens approaching and knows the police are close by.

"Charlie was at the door. He found me."

Alex's eyes grow wide and she stares at her broken friend, not sure what to say. "Casey, are you sure?"

Casey nods, another round of tears coming. "He was here. I'm not safe. You're not safe."

Casey keeps babbling on, not making much sense. Alex is at a loss what to say or do, so she sits down beside her and says, "Okay. Okay. We're going to figure this out."

"We have to get out of here." Casey's eyes are wild and scared as she looks at Alex. "We can't stay here anymore, Alex! He will come back!"

Alex's arm has saturated the rag with blood by the time the police come. She lets them in, immediately tossing out an excuse and letting them know it wasn't Casey's fault. It stings badly but she ignores it. It's not what is important right now.

Alex leads the police back into the kitchen, where Casey is now sitting with her back pressed up against the refrigerator, crying profusely. Alex gently tries to prod her to talk to the police, but Casey is hysterical and nowhere near able to even look at the police let alone talk to them.

So Alex relays what Casey told her, with as much detail as Casey provided. She gives Detective Stevens contact info and one of the officers calls him and gets filled in on the case.

Both of the officers look skeptical as they take their report, but neither say anything negative. The younger of the two looks at Casey with concern. "Do we need to call an ambulance for her? It might do her good to be placed in a -"

"No," Alex says quickly, leaving no room for argument. She knows what he was going to say. "No." She knows that is the last thing Casey needs and she won't let that happen to her again.

The officer looks back down at her hand. "You do need to get that arm taken care of, ma'am."

Alex looks down at her throbbing arm then back at the officers. "I'll live. What are you going to be doing to follow up on what Casey said?'

"Do you have security cameras outside?"

"No."

"Did you personally see anyone?"

Alex sighs. "No. But Casey did."

They talked for a few minutes longer until one of the officers leaves to go talk to the neighbors across the street, who were home while Alex was gone.

Alex leaves the other officer and sits down next to Casey. "Hey," she says gently. "Floor is kind of dirty. I really need to mop it more often. You sure you want to stay sitting here?"

Casey's tears have subsided and she turns her head so she's looking at Alex, her head resting on her knees.

"That's okay. If you want to sit here we will sit here for as long as it takes."

Alex Cabot, the woman who would never be caught dead sitting on a floor before, kept her word and sat right there with Casey until the other officer returned.

He signals for Alex to join him. Alex gently touches Casey's knee and says, "I'll be right back."

"They claim they didn't see or hear anyone around your house after you left."

Alex isn't surprised, but her stomach drops at the news. "That doesn't mean no one was there."

"No it doesn't, Miss Cabot, and we will continue to investigate. For now I would advise you to keep your doors locked and your security system armed at all times. Detective Stevens will be stopping by to follow up with you both. If there is anything else we can do for you, don't hesitate to call. And please - get that arm taken care of as soon as possible."

Alex walks the officers to the door and thanks them for their assistance. She immediately goes back to the kitchen, expecting to find Casey still sitting on the floor.

But instead Casey is standing with her arms crossed, leaning slightly on the counter. "They think I'm crazy, don't they? That I'm imagining it. So do you."

Alex shakes her head. "No, Casey. No one said that."

"They didn't have to."

"Casey, I don't think you're crazy. I never have and I never will."

"You don't think I'm crazy," Casey echoes. "But you do think I'm pathetic, and that's actually worse."

Alex grabs another rag and wraps it around her arm. She knows she does have to get it taken care of, but she can't leave Casey at this moment. She looks at Casey sadly. "I don't think that about you. The Casey Novak that I know is one of the most unique individuals I have ever met. And the strongest person I have ever known."

Tears are in Casey's eyes as she shakes her head. "Everything about you has always been perfect. Your hair, your body, your car...your life. You're absolutely gorgeous and flawless, Alex. Do you know how hard it is to be friends with you?"

Alex frowns in confusion. "Casey - I'm far from perfect - "

"I've always felt inferior to you. Always. Never as beautiful or graceful as you. But I could get past it before. Now I can't. I'm damaged, Alex, and everytime I look at you I'm reminded of that." Casey's voice breaks but she still continues.

"You're my family, Casey, and I would do anything in the world for you. My life fell apart when you were gone. I spend thousands of dollars on private investigators, all just to find you. I care about you, Casey, and I always will. You're my sister, and I'd do anything for my family." She stops to gather herself and keep her voice from breaking. "So what you just said...it really hurt me. Because you have no idea what things were like for me. What they are still like for me. You don't know what I've given up, what I've lost, to keep the faith that you were alive."

The tension in the air is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Tears are now streaming down Casey's cheeks. "Well I wish I wasn't!"

Alex feels a ping in her heart and takes a step toward Casey but Casey takes a step back to keep the distance between them. "You think I want to be here? To be scared every day, to hurt every day, to know what I've put you through? To see what your life is like now because of me? There's nothing about me that is Casey anymore. And I hate who I am now." She stops long enough to catch her breath. "So just give up and walk away, and salvage any type of life that you can. I'm toxic, Alex."

It hurts Alex so much to hear Casey talk that way. She wants nothing more than to hug her, but knows that would be unwelcome right now.

"I will never do that, Casey. Ever. We're family."

Casey looks at her for several minutes, fresh tears stinging her eyes. "We aren't family. You gave up your shot at family. You never cared about me anyway. You did...what you did so everyone would think you weren't the ice queen."

As soon as the words leave Casey's mouth she regrets them. She can see the hurt in Alex's blue eyes, and she has to look away.

What kind of monster has she turned into?

She shakes her head and runs down the hallway, slamming her bedroom door and locking it behind her.

For a full minute Alex considers just leaving her alone, just going about her day and leaving Casey to herself.

But the hot tears rolling down her cheeks won't let her. She's frustrated, hurt, scared and angry all at once.

And she doesn't know how much longer she can do this.

She walks down the hall to Casey's room and knocks on the door. "Casey," she says, her voice giving away her emotions. "I want you to open this door right now."

Casey says something through tears that Alex can't decipher and she knocks on the door again. "This is my house and I have a key. If you don't voluntarily open the door I'll come in anyway."

She waits for exactly thirty seconds and when she doesn't hear the lock click open she briskly walks to her bedroom, grabbing her house master key from her drawer. Her hands are shaking and she fumbles and drops the key twice on her way back to the guest bedroom.

She doesn't know if she's more upset or angry, but she does know she has some things to say to Casey that she is going to hear.

Without hesitation she opens the door.

Casey is lying on the bed face down, her face buried in her pillow and her entire body shaking with tears.

It makes Alex's heart hurt to see her that way. Her shirt is slightly rolled up in back and Alex can see the scars on her flesh but she swallows and looks away, trying to maintain her resolve.

Casey becomes aware of her presence almost immediately and sits up, tossing a pillow at Alex and screaming at her to get out.

Alex doesn't move. She stands stoic, letting Casey have her little tantrum until she realizes it's of no avail and drops back onto the bed, positioning herself so her back is to Alex.

Alex has to mentally prepare herself. She's about to use an exercise that Casey's therapist suggested she use; treat her like Casey and not like a victim. Treat her the way she always treated her.

"Are you done acting like a child?" she finally asks, surprised at herself for being able to maintain herself.

It's something Alex would have said to Casey before all this happened; a snarky comment she would have made when Casey went off about something she could do nothing about.

The tone of Alex's voice was so matter of fact, so retro Alex, that Casey instinctively turned and looked at her.

Alex knew she had her attention and intended to make the best of it.

"I want you to listen to me, Casey Novak. I know what you have been through is unimaginable and I can forgive most things that come out of your mouth. But what you said to me, how you made me feel, was not okay."

Casey says nothing. But she doesn't turn away either.

"You've know me, Casey. More than most people. Probably even more than Olivia did, in some ways. You know I don't get close to people because I didn't know a whole lot of love growing up. I'm almost forty five and there are only two people in this world I have ever really, truly loved."

Casey has to look away, because she thinks she knows the next words that Alex is about to speak.

"Olivia...and you." Alex looks down at her injured arm as a distraction and realizes she has bled through the towel again. When she looks at Casey again, her eyes are tired and sad. "I loved Olivia in a way I've never never loved anyone. She gave me things I never knew I would have. Things I honestly didn't know existed. She was my other half, my soul mate."

It's hard for Casey to hear this, knowing she's the reason that Alex no longer has Olivia.

Alex continues. "And you...I always loved you in a different way. You weren't my best friend; you were my sister. I counted on you for everything. For God's sake, how many times did you come over and rescue me when I got the car stuck in the driveway in the winter?"

That almost makes Casey smile, for the first time in years. She remembers.

"You always kept me honest, called me out when I was being a bitch. Let me vent to you about everything, no matter what time of the day or night. I needed you just as much as I needed Olivia."

Alex takes a huge chance and sits down on the bed. Casey allows this and makes no attempt to move or fight her off.

Now that Alex is pouring her heart out, she can't stop. She turns and looks at Casey, a single tear running down her cheek. "And do you know why I can't forgive myself, Casey? Do you really know why?"

Casey shakes her head, her eyes wide.

"Because I chose you. I chose you over Olivia." Alex's voice breaks. "I don't regret anything I did to find you, Casey, but it cost me so much."

She makes sure Casey is looking in her eyes before she says her next words. "It cost me everything."

Casey audidably sighs and looks away, Alex's words hitting her right in the heart and staying there.

After a few minutes of silence, Alex asks, "Do you have a comeback for that?" She doesn't even try to hold back her tears.

Casey reaches deep down inside and finds a small part of her that's still Casey, a part of her that aches at what Alex just said. And she pulls that part to the surface as she clears her throat and says, "No. I don't."

Then she closes her eyes and takes Alex's hand, squeezing it tightly and reassuringly. She almost starts to shake as she holds on, the four years of human touch meaning nothing but pain coming back to her.

But Alex doesn't hurt her. She would never hurt her.

Instead, she squeezes back even harder and that gesture speaks more than words ever could.

.2

Two days passed and Casey tries hard to get better.

She tries to spend more time out of the guest room. She's been spending a lot of time on art, which has always been an escape for her. Just like years ago when Casey had lost her job, it became a way to express herself.

She had been sitting at the table drawing the day before and Alex had come into the kitchen and asked what she was working on. It was a simple question that needed only a simple answer. But Casey had clammed up, slamming her Sketchbook closed and escaping to her room in a fit of anxiety.

Just because Alex asked her what she was doing.

She spent her entire therapy session the next day drawing and talking about how it made her feel. The sketchpad she had found in the closet in the guest room was filled with images from her mind.

Most of them were dark. The most detailed was the girl with the empty eyes, whom she sketched often. She looked eerily like Casey and in most of her drawings she was in chains, her hair straggly and dirty.

Her therapist had urged Casey to share her drawings with Alex. She gave her the challenge of showing three of them to Alex before their next session.

But that wasn't all. She also wanted Casey to talk to Alex about how she felt when she made the drawings.

Just thinking about it gave her anxiety.

Things had been different since the day Casey had seen Charlie. Casey had almost convinced herself she imagined the whole thing, that it was brought on by the fear of being left alone in the house.

But deep down she knew it was real. The fear, the panic...it was all real.

And every time she looked at Alex's arm wrapped tightly in an ace bandage she felt guilt.

All this played through her mind as she stood in the living room looking at Alex on the couch, her Sketchbook clutched tightly in her hands.

Alex was looking at something on her iPad, the TV on but she was paying it no mind. Casey closed her eyes and approached slowly, her anxiety getting worse with every step.

But she knew she had to do this.

Alex looks up before Casey even reaches the couch and regards Casey with a smile. "Hey. You want to watch a movie? There are quite a few Marvel movies to catch up on."

Casey stands there like a deer caught in car headlights. She actually stutters, feeling stupid and childish for not being able to react to such a simple and innocent query.

Casey used to love watching movies with Alex. How she would love to do it again; if only she was able.

"Annie - she thinks it would be a good idea if I, um...if I showed you some stuff I was working on. Can I?"

Alex nods and puts her iPad down. "I would like that. I wanted to talk to you anyway about maybe getting you a dog. Do you feel like talking about that?"

Casey sits down on the couch and nods. To be honest she feels like she can only handle one thing at once, but she's willing to try anything.

Alex doesn't say anything and doesn't press her. She lets Casey initiate everything, and appears very interested when Casey finally stops squeezing the sketchpad for dear life and opens it.

The first page she reveals is definitely one she doesn't want Alex to see. She quickly goes to turn the page, but it's clear that Alex has already seen it.

The drawing depicts the girl with the empty eyes on her back on the dirt floor. But unlike the other drawings, she has no face.

A creature resembling a monster is on top of her, breathing fire onto her chest. A word balloon is drawn above his head and the words "you're worthless" are scrolled across it.

The drawing clearly shows Charlie attacking Casey, and Alex has to look away. Casey hadn't closed the book before she could see it, and now the too vivid image is burned into her mind.

Casey saw herself as faceless, as if she didn't matter those four years. And Charlie was the monster.

"I-im sorry," Casey stutters, starting to shake. "That wasn't the one I was going to show you…"

Alex shakes her head, trying hard to hide her tears but failing miserably. "I'm so fucking sorry, Casey. I'm so, so, so, so sorry."

Casey knows what Alex means and she can't take it. She gets up, being careful to grab her sketchpad so Alex doesn't see anything else.

She can't watch Alex fall apart like that. She can't. Alex is the strongest person Casey has ever known. If she falls apart, there is no hope for Casey.

She retreats to the guest room and throws her Sketchbook across the room, hating herself for making such a stupid decision.

She sits on the bed and cries angry tears. "Why, why are you like this? Why can't you just get over it? Why can't you be normal?" she asks herself aloud.

She doesn't know how long she's been sitting there but a knock on the door makes her jump.

It's Alex. The door is not locked this time but she doesn't even try to open it. Maybe she can't.

"Casey? I'm going to go out for a bit, okay? I need to go out. I'll get some groceries. I've armed the security system and if you need anything, text me."

Casey is laying on her back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She hears Alex but refuses to acknowledge her.

From her window she can see the driveway. She parts the blinds and watches Alex back out of the garage. She watches until the car pulls out of the driveway and she can't see it anymore.

She knows she should be scared; she can't understand why she isn't scared. Considering what happened last time she was alone, she should be terrified.

But she's not. Where she should feel fear, she feels nothing.

She leaves her room and goes into the bathroom, gripping the porcelain sink and staring at herself in the mirror.

She still hates what she sees. By appearance, she looks better. She's not as gaunt or pale. Her hair is clean, she's wearing clean clothes.

But she doesn't feel any better.

She still feels dirty and used up. She can still feel Charlie touching her, violating her. She can feel him watching her, waiting to hurt her again. Waiting to hurt Alex too, for helping Casey.

Her nights are spent in the throes of night terrors, of being back in that cellar at the hands of Charlie.

He never leaves her alone. He's always there, day and night.

Casey straightens herself up and slides open the medicine cabinet. She grabs her bottle of antidepressants and empties two into her hand. She raises her hand to take them and then stops.

Alex had just picked up her refill; there's at least twenty pills in the bottle. How easy it would be to pour them all into her hand. To swallow them all with a glass of water and just to go to sleep. To never have to be afraid again. To free Alex of the burden of having to deal with her.

It would be so simple…so quick…

Casey squeezes the bottle in her hand, her mind whirring.

Should I leave a note? Would Alex want a note? Or would she just be happy that I'm gone?

Casey doesn't know how long she stands in front of the mirror holding the bottle of pills. She wants so badly to have the willpower to do it. To not be a coward, and to solve both her and Alex's problems.

But she can't. She's not selfish, and she knows that if she does it, Alex would blame herself for the rest of her life. As badly as she's hurting and wants it to end, she can't do that to her best friend. She can't take away the only other person that Alex loves. Alex lives with enough guilt as it is.

Casey cries in frustration and rips the lid off the bottle of her pills. She empties the contents of it into the toilet and flushes, watching her one easy escape disappear helplessly.

No more temptation.

Casey is overcome with a feeling that she has to run. That she can't stay here anymore; it's not good for her or Alex.

The logical part of her mind left her long ago. Logical Casey would know Alex's house is the safest place for her right now. She shouldn't be going out alone, especially with Charlie still out there.

But that doesn't stop her. She finds a backpack in Alex's hallway closet and packs a few changes of clothes. She feels herself getting nervous as she straps the backpack on.

She purposely doesn't pack the phone Alex got her; in fact, she's only used it a handful of times. Alex would be able to track her on it and she doesn't want to be found.

She grabs some food and other necessities and slips out the door without another thought.

 **it's going to get pretty intense soon. Please let me know what you think!**


End file.
